Crazy | bts x Jimin

三十八

Let's backtrack...

When Jimin was younger and everything has come crashing down — the boys were taken away from him completely. Everyone had blamed him for all that had happened including the accident.

"Why did he try to kill himself? Is he crazy? Your own son tried to kill himself!" He could hear his parents screaming outside his room. His younger brother had tried to kill himself in the bathroom. Jimin found him and called the ambulance immediately.

Then came agitated knocks from his own door. He knew it had to be his own father. The man is known to have poor control over his own feelings.

"Do not blame Jimin for this!" His mother's strained voice could be heard. The woman had done a lot of screaming.

"It is his fault for not caring for his own younger brother. All he cares about is himself. Only dancing and drawing all the time like some stupid kid." Those words pierced through Jimin's heart.

Jimin stopped smiling from that day on. Jimin walked to the door and opened up. He stares at the angry face of his father, "I'm sorry I let your precious son kill himself. I'll try better in future."

He closed the door, but before that he saw his parents shocked faces. He didn't know why they were so surprised at his words, he doesn't do anything about it though. He is going to focus on his studies.

Every night when he comes home from a study session, he skips dinner and stays in his bedroom. At his bedside, laid his best friend — razor.

He takes the small razor in his hand and stares at it that glitters under the moonlight that shines through. He stares at it for a really long time before he brings it to his wrist.

He glides across his wrist smoothly, drawing blood steadily. Tears fall from his eyes and falls down his cheek. A stinging pain in his heart dulled with the pain from his wrist. The blood stained floor and his blood stained clothes — simply the price to pay to forget those piercing pain in his heart.

Words never left his mind that night — it is his fault after all.

"Jimin! Come down and have dinner!" His mother screams for him. He take deep breaths to calm the quiver in his voice before telling his mother he would skip dinner that night.

It became a routine, Jimin never really had food and he kept his wrists bandaged throughout his teenage life.

"Jimin, come have dinner. We won't have you doing this at all." His father stood outside his door, voice rough as usual. A shadow is casted at the bottom of the door. Every night his father would come get him, and every night Jimin just refuse to leave the place.

His father doesn't force him as well.

The bloodied razor sat beside him as Jimin would stare out his window. He would think about his brother and the boys. It was all his fault.

"Jimin baby, you have to come have dinner please. I don't want to know that you are suffering like this. My heart aches for you Jimin. Please just leave your room." This time his mother comes. He wraps up his wrist in bandages that easily dyed red with the blood.

Jimin finally leaves his room to go to the dining area. His younger brother has left to the hospital and it was like his brother completely never existed and he just assumed his younger brother has gone.

His father never spared him a glance.

His mother completely heartbroken.

He just sat there like a statue and didn't even touch his food at all. He then swiftly returns to his room after sitting at the table for a good 10 minutes without touching the bowl of food placed in front of him.

His parents would leave the house to go to the hospital to see his younger brother and he would simply be left in the darkness to be consumed.

No one really cared enough for him. He is just the wind, needed yet troublesome at the same time.

He had never reached out for help and simply assumed he was crazy enough to opt for the psychiatrist job.

"It probably only made me crazier." Jimin mutters before he closed his first files at work.