Book Of Ha Ha 4

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture over to view the ritual, and see an old man sitting on a bar stool in the middle of the crowd, with a long line jutting from it. When asked what's going on, a woman from the group tells Jim that everyone takes turns lugging the man upside his head, and whoever knocks him off the stool wins $50.

The old man looked very weathered, but sat up straight with a demanding presence.

Jim wasn't very comfortable with the idea of hitting an old man, but his friends urged him on. After a good five minutes of waiting, it was his turn to swing. Coyly, he threw a weak jab at the old man's cheek.

Sensing his hesitation, the old man urged him to hit as hard as he could. So Jim pulled his arm back once more, and propelled his fist violently into the old mans left temple, and he fell from the stool, the whole crowd silent with shock. Then the crowd suddenly roared with cheering, joyous that someone had finally knocked the old man off of his throne.

The old man slowly pulled himself off the ground, and after dusting himself off, began reaching into his wallet to reward the Jim with the promised payment, but before he could, he bet that Jim couldn't knock him down once more. Jim was still uneasy about what he'd just done, but the encouragement from the crowd persuaded him to take the bet.

The old man sat himself back on the stool, and prepared for the blow to come. Jim pulled back his hand, and like a plane from a runway, sent his fist into the old man's jaw. The sound was like the cracking of a whip, and it shook the souls of everyone in the bar. The old man hit the floor, throwing up the dust of the wooden boards. The crowd went ballistic, cheering for Jim and his victory. The old man took a few minutes to stand back up, and was struck with confusion. After he finally regained his composure, he payed Jim $100 for his double knockout and sat down at a table.

With his reward, Jim bought the whole crowd a round of drinks, and had a great time the rest of the night.

That next weekend, Jim and his friends were thinking of things to do. He proposed they return to the bar, and they did. When they entered, scattered cheers filled the room, eminating from some of those who viewed his show of strength a week earlier. And in the corner was the old man, back on his stool, another great crowd around him.

One thing led to another, and Jim was in line to pummel the old man once more. When his turn had come, the old man sneered at him, proclaiming he had trained for this the past week, hoping Jim would return to the bar. Jim, uncaring of the old man's teases, swung and knocked the old man from his chair. He received his $50 and him and his friends spent it all on alcohol.

Jim capitalized on his odd talent for punching the elderly and took his friends to the bar every weekend, almost never having to pay for their drinks, using his swing money instead. He grew to enjoy hitting the old man so much he would sometimes simply go to the bar by himself. He'd even go during the week, when the bar was less busy, so there was no punchline.