Man up, Beam!

9. I love you

                   Kit parked Phana's car behind Beam's car in front of the garden and looked at the main door. He took a swig of water from the bottle trying to compose himself. He tapped on his cheeks few times as if waking himself and stepped out of the car quickly before he decided to reverse the car and run away. 

               Kit looked around the garden once and walked towards the main door. He raised his hand towards the calling bell but stopped when he found a small gap in between the door and frame indicating that the door was open. He pushed open the door and stepped inside the living room. 

              "Geez...is he waiting to get robbed..idiot.." Kit mumbled to himself. He closed the door behind him and looked around to find the staircase on the right side. Beam's room was in the first floor, right side near the staircase.

             "Beam..." Kit called slightly raising his voice. 'He must be sleeping', Kit thought to himself and started to walk towards the staircase slowly. He reached the staircase and climbed two steps when he saw the silhouette of a person near the sliding door from the corner of the eyes. 

                Kit froze for a second and turned to look at the other end of the living room. Straight opposite to the staircase on the left side of the main door was a sliding door which lead to the garden and a swimming pool located outside. He climbed down the steps and crossed the living room to reach the sliding door.

            Kit stood behind the pale figure sitting on the floor leaning against the sliding door frame. His hands were itching to give a hard smack on the back of his friend's head for being this careless and making him worry. But he looked so vulnerable and fragile now that Kit dint have the heart to hurt him anymore. Kit took a long breath and slowly walked towards his friend. He quietly sat down next to him on the right side leaning his back against the door frame leaving a comfortable distance between them.

           Beam was startled when he sensed a moment near him but seeing Kit shook him to the core. His eyes widened in surprise. He frowned for a second before raising his right hand but let it fall on his lap defeated. He lowered his gaze and turned his head away from Kit facing the pool. His fingers were fidgeting at the end of the loose tshirt he wore. He started chewing his lower lips like he often did when he was frustrated or nervous.

             Although his heart beat was racing, Kit tried to show no emotions in his face. He sat there calmly studying every small movements Beam made. Even with the very little light there, Kit could see Beam's face clearly from where he sat. Beam looked paler than before. His eyes were swollen red and puffy. His hair was unkempt. He had little moustache and beard peeking out of his upper lip and chin. He looked as if he had lost weight since the last time he saw.

               Beam stole a nervous glance at Kit from the corner of his eyes. It has been four days since that drunken night fiasco. The next morning when Beam woke up with a heavy hangover, all memories of the previous night came rushing to him like a stampede. He was shocked and terrified at the same time. The alcohol in his system was already taking a toll on his head but the realization of the previous night's events horrified him to the core.

             Everything was a blur to Beam but whatever bits and pieces he remembered were crystal clear. He had let out his hurt, pain and jealously. He had shown his weakness in front of Kit and had cried pathetically. Most important thing was he had kissed Kit which he would never dare to do in sober state. Beam pulled his hairs in frustration which just amplified his headache hundred times more. 

                Beam's first instinct was to run to Kit and say that everything was a mistake and it was just a drunken foolish blabber which din't mean anything at all. He could blame alcohol easily for his behavior and Kit might have even believed that if that kiss had not happened. What explanation would Beam give for the kiss. Knowing Kit, he would be panicking more than Beam by whatever happened.

              Beam just did the second best thing which he always do in such situation..run away. He dint pack his clothes or take anything with him. He just took his phone and wallet and left his dorm. He took a cab to the bar and got his car before leaving the city. 

            As soon as he arrived at his grandparent's house, he said to the housekeeper that he will be staying there for few days and needed to be left alone. The housekeeper adored Beam so much from his childhood that she instantly understood that her young master was troubled. So she just stocked up his fridge and kitchen cupboard with food and groceries and left the place.

              Beam spent the first day there with his mother. He had sat near his mother's tomb the whole day crying, cursing at himself or staring emptily around him. Beam lost his mother to illness when he was in junior high. He was very close with his mother and not in good terms with his father. Loss of his mother broke Beam completely and left him shattered. Unable to stay with his father after his mother's demise, Beam moved out and started living separately. His father would just send him his monthly allowance every month but never once visited him.

              Phana was like a father figure to him and Kit, protective, strict, dominant but caring subtly. Kit was the exact opposite of Phana. He was attentive, very caring and demanding towards Beam. If it was not for Phana and Kit, then Beam would never have coped effectively with his mother's loss. Phana and Kit made sure to stick with Beam around the clock that he never felt lonely. They knew everything about Beam except his feelings for Kit which he always doubted that Phana knew somehow.

             An uncomfortable silence prevailed between them. Only the sound of slow breeze could be heard at the moment where Kit and Beam sat.

          "Coward.." Kit said coldly finally breaking the silence between them.

             Beam closed his eyes for a moment before nodding in agreement.

           Silence again.

           "Won't you say something? like..anything at all ?" Kit asked again annoyed by Beam's lack of response.

           "I am sorry.." Beam said in a low voice like a whisper still not looking at Kit.

            "Look at me dammit.." Kit raised his voice now.

            Beam slowly turned towards Kit. He took a long breath and raised his head to look at Kit. The eyes which he always found to show every emotion transparently was staring back at him with nothing but emptiness in them now. Beam was shrinking under that gaze. Any second soon he would loose his cool again and show his pathetic side to Kit. Beam struggled to hold the gaze so that he don't piss Kit further.

             "You know why I am here, right?" Kit asked to which Beam nodded. "So..care to start talking about it..I assume you remember everything from that night." Kit continued.

              Beam nodded again. "I remember..I...I am sorry Kit..I dint mean to behave like that..I am truly sorry Kit" Beam said, tears streaming down from his eyes.

              "You are just sorry about it..nothing else?" Kit asked calmly.

             Beam gave a confused look trying to understand what Kit was expecting from him. Even if he understood, he dint have courage to voice it out in front of Kit.

            Kit inhaled sharply, "Do you like me?", Kit asked narrowing his eyes at Beam.

            Beam lowered his gaze and remained quiet "Like as in..like me more than a friend...like..like a.." Kit struggled to complete his question.

           "Beam answer me.." Kit demanded. "Do you like me or not? It's a yes or no question Beam..look at me and answer" Kit yelled loosing his patience.

           Beam slowly shook his head as no still looking at his feet and Kit's face fell.

           "You...you don't like.." Kit's words were cut short when Beam raised his head suddenly and looked at him directly with determination.

           Beam knew what he was about to say now will change everything between Kit and him. He was not sure how Kit would react or how their relationship would continue after this night. But he knew one thing for sure. He need to man up, at least once in his lifetime and that's what he did.

           He looked at Kit straight in the eyes and said, "its more than like what I have for you Kit.. I love you"

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