"Yes."
Yes. Yes, you broke my heart. Yes, I don't think it'll ever heal again. Yes, I trusted you. Yes, I can never look at you the same way again. Yes, I was stupid. Yes, I was naive. Yes, I thought you were as close to perfection as one could ever be. Yes, I was truly, deeply, 100% in love with you. Yes, I thought you felt that way as well. Yes, I feel broken.
Yes, you've destroyed me.
I couldn't stop shaking. Honestly I was like a chihuahua in Canada or somewhere like that. I was scared of what would happen next. I was scared of his actions as well as my own. I know my feelings are still there for him, but I just feel so very betrayed, lost and confused as what to do.
I get up off the bed and start pacing whilst shaking all over. Tears threatening to spill down my cheeks very soon. Shay got up as well, stood in front of me and towered over me. He seemed scared as well.
"It's not what you think, though. It really isn't." He tells me.
I shrug his filthy betrayal hands of me and look at him in pure disgust, "ohh really?! Okay then. You go on explain, don't leave out any details. Enlighten me of what you did with that evil little sneaky flat chested bitch of a user and a skank." I didn't know what I was saying but putting her down made me feel great inside.
He runs a hand through his untamed messy dark bed hair and looked deep into my eyes. If I wasn't this irritated and annoyed with him I would've kissed him right there and then, and I'm positive that's what his plan is. But it fails. After just a few seconds of him staring and my no reactions towards him, he lets out a sigh.
"I love you-" he started off but I immediately stopped him.
"-please save it. I don't want to hear your bullshit Shay, just tell me the truth for once."
"I am, I do love you. I love you more then I love anyone or anything. I love you even more then Eminem, and that's saying something! Isabella. I don't want to hurt you, never ever and if I have I would never live with myself for doing so. I, we, Vanessa and I got drunk so very drunk on the first night of college, that's why I didn't reply to your messages until a few days later, I was still in shock over everything. I was low because I was missing you and she found and opportunity. It was meaningless, I hardly remembered it until she showed me the video. She threatened to make it go viral and send it to you unless I do what she said. I did what she said. The second time I remembered all 49 seconds of it. It was over and done with quickly and she deleted it. I thought she would drop it and we could pretend they both didn't happen. Of course, no. Not with her. I've told her so many times though, I don't love her nor do I even like her. Her time was long gone. I love you and only you, Isabella. I just wish you could believe me and forget about it all." I was stunned, my mind processing everything. It was a blur. I was going absolutely insane.
"Hold on. So, basically. You want me to accept your apology, for cheating on me not only once but twice, right? And then you also want me to forget about the most painful and horrendous moment of my life when I discovered not from my super brave and fearless boyfriend, but from that fake slut instead. That's the worst bit; I wouldn't have been 100% okay with everything, but it would've been so much better if you had told me first, straight after it had happened. I would've flown straight to Canada and ripped every last vagina hair off that cow and punched her face so her nose could be even bigger on her face. You should've told me. I thought I could trust you, rely on you, have faith in you. Obviously not." I was even closer to crying now, I can't believe I am. I can't stop shaking with fear that this may be the end for us.
All those years of trying to make things work in our friendship, all those years of getting called a lesbian and him getting called gay. All those years of putting up with the comments about us dating when we clearly just best friends who did everything together. No-one understood us but we didn't want anyone to.
We wanted things our own way.
Look how that's turned out for us.
I took steps away from Shay not backing away so I was now near the front door. He didn't stop me when I left the dormitory with my key and phone in hand. I just needed to be away from him.
I needed to breathe.
