Minji's Sitter | Taejin ✔️

Forty-Two

"I am sorry for what I said to you, Jin, you know me and you know I couldn't have meant that." Namjoon sat across from Jin, pleading his apology.

Jin was chewing on his lower lip while looking down on the bread that was placed on the table before their meal looks up at Namjoon, "I believe you are sorry; however, you meant those words."

"No-"

"Listen, Joon; I think you were the first person I allowed to see the uncovered layers of me. The first person I allowed myself to fall asleep in their arms and cry. I trusted you with so much, maybe too much, you made it easy for me to feel at comfort around you. Do you know what I liked about you the most? The fact that you never made me question myself, I never felt like you were ever judging me, until that night. That night I heard your real thoughts, and honestly, I am not mad that you had those thoughts about me, I am upset at the way you projected those words. I trusted you with something, and you threw it right back at me.

You used two of my most considerable pain, something you knew I was struggling with against me-"

Namjoon pulls Jin's hand into his own, "Jin, listen, I-"

"No, Namjoon, I want you to listen, just for a moment, I promise you I will allow you your time, but right now I want you to listen to me. Can you do that?" Jin was looking directly at Namjoon, which made Namjoon nervous. He had always known Jin as confident, but he had seen many layers of him, except this side of him.

"I can."

"Good, thank you. I liked you, I liked you a lot, I might never have confessed those words to you before, but I want you to know that. You helped me in ways family never supported me; you showed me you cared in ways family never did. You listened to me, and you never got tired of me talking, you hugged me when I wanted to be embraced, you fucked me when I wanted to be fucked, you made me dinner, breakfast, lunch when I didn't care to eat. You encouraged me to be there for Minji when I was confused about what to do. You helped me to seek help, help for myself, something no one has ever done for me.

You were there for me when I needed someone there the most, and I won't ever forget that. I can't ever thank you enough for all you have done, all you have made me realize. Without you, I don't think I would be where I am right now, and I don't even know where I would be, to be honest. I want you to know I am thankful for the part and the role you played in my life, but I also want you to know that this is the end." Jin removes his hands out of Namjoon's hold.

Namjoon had tears running down his cheek as he looked at the man he had fallen deeply in love with, "Jin, please I didn't mean to hurt you with those words, I love you. I want you to give me a chance, us a chance, I was frustrated when I told you those things, but I didn't mean it." he reaches back out for Jin's hand and pulled them back into his, "Please, I am sorry if I hurt you."

"I don't doubt you love me, I have come to learn that you are one of the few to have ever genuinely cared about me. However, those words were apart of your real inner thoughts, and you meant those things. You knew more than anyone else the kind of pain those words would've brought me before you said them, you were angry, and you wanted to hurt me. There is a difference between intentional hurt and unintentional hurt, you had intent, and because of that, I can't overlook it. The same therapist you introduced me to is teaching me that I shouldn't do that, and most importantly, instead of looking towards someone who is not going to judge me, I should learn to love and embrace all sides of myself, including my past, present, and future self.

Namjoon, you've played a symbolic role in where I am at the moment, and I won't ever forget you, this is the reason why I am sitting here with you. I don't want you to think I hate you because I don't. I want you to know I can never be to you what you want me to be, and I also want you to know the reasons why. Further, you deserve someone who understands and connects with you more than I do. The only things I have ever connected with on is sex, and your calming spirit. You are a man that deserves far more than that. Someone like me will only keep taking from you, and never replenishing the energy I am withdrawing. You can do better; I promise you that."

It bothered Jin to see Namjoon cry, he doubts he had ever seen him cry, but he knew he had to do what he had set out to do. The past six months have been tough for him, development-wise, but he was piecing so many parts of his broken life together that he was slowly starting to feel like a person that belonged in the world with others.

He and his brother were getting along. He felt as though Jimin understood him more, and the barrier between them had lowered, it wasn't gone entirely, but it was low enough where Jin felt like he could be himself.

He had touched on almost every issue with his therapist regarding all his life obstacles, and the people within his life, except for the most pressing one, Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung had Jin confused to the point where Jin wanted nothing more than to be away from him, but due to Minji, he couldn't do that.

For example, as he walked away from Namjoon and towards his car, opening his phone, the first message he saw was from Taehyung telling him that he misses him.

To which Jin quickly sends Minji a message to ask her if her father had been drinking.