Fix a Heart [h.s.]

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Tying up Loose Ends

Okayy so this has some slow parts but it's all leading up to the big ending :) I hope you like it :)))

KAELIN’S POV:

... "I think it’s about time we have a real talk."

I look at my mom confusedly, wondering what this could be about. I can tell by her tone that this isn’t a goodbye speech or some bullshit blabber about how much she loves me. I sit up and nod my head. "Okay," I say quietly, "Let’s talk..." I pat the edge of my bed, urging her to sit down, but she refuses. She insists on standing.

"Kaelin I need to apologize to you," she says slowly, thinking through her words, "I know that. I haven’t always treated you the way a mother should treat her daughter. I do realize this, I’ve just never said anything to you..."

I nod and look down at my lap. What she says is true, but I’m not used to hearing it. My mom is not one to express her true thoughts or feelings; she’d rather bullshit her way through a problem. I must admit, she’s very good at that. "Why?" I ask, "Why have you been treating me this way? Why haven’t you said anything to me before now?"

She sighs heavily, "Honestly Kaelin I never wanted to have this conversation. I always figured I’d be gone first...and this wouldn’t be necessary."

I quickly read between the lines. "So, what you’re saying is that you would have died before giving me an apology? You would die peacefully knowing that for the rest of my life I would always ask why I wasn’t good enough for you?!" I’m angry now and trying not to yell. "What have I done wrong mom? Please just tell me because I can’t take it anymore! For the past few years you’ve treated me like I’m some sort of disease to you or something. Am I not good enough? Tell me what I’ve done wrong!"

My mom is taken aback by my outburst. She stares at me in quiet shock until my words finally sink in. Her expression soon turns to anger and she looks me straight in the eye. "You know what the problem is Kaelin?" she asks heatedly, "My husband left me! Your father picked up and left! He just left!"

"So what? You don’t think it was hard on me too, he’s my"—I start but am quickly interrupted.

"No Kaelin it wasn’t as hard on you!" She tells me, "You have no idea what I went through! He broke my heart and you ruined my life all in one day!" I stare at her dubiously, wondering what the hell she’s implying here. She recognizes the look on my face and fills in the blanks. "I blame you for him leaving Kaelin! It might not be right but I do! He wasn’t ready for a child when you came along. He wasn’t ready for you! He was the love of my life. I have never loved anyone else more than him, and you took that away from me."

My mom begins to cry and takes a seat in one of the chairs. I don’t even know what to say to her; I’m absolutely floored. Tears escape my eyes; am I really the reason dad left? And then it hits me; I can’t always sit here and take shit from her. I’m not her doormat I’m her daughter. Mother’s are supposed to stick by their children even when they’re in the wrong. The only person my mom sticks up for is herself. Instead of dealing with my dad leaving she’s placed all of the blame on me. She can’t accept the fact that my dad is a deadbeat asshole just like I can’t control when I was born.

"I can’t believe you," I say, shaking my head.

She looks up at me. "I know it’s wrong," she says, "but I can’t help it. I loved him so much..."

"Wait," I say suddenly, "Does this have something to do with the way you treat Harry and I?"

My own mother looks at me in shame. "Yes," she confirms, crying, "I’m a horrible person, I know, but it killed me to see you happy with him. It isn’t fair that you get to be so in love with someone when the person I loved left me. It just isn’t fair."