BNHA Gay Ships One-Shots! 《《BOOK 1》》

KiriBaku | Fuck Up

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CW: Possible Triggering Topics
Proceed With Caution
Some KiriBaku angst for sharkboikirisima :3

~Enjoy~
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I'm a fuck-up.
A human being who's wrong most of the time.
I hurt someone every day... I hurt multiple people... every day...
I scare myself.

I lose control of who I am.
Things trigger my anger so easily...-- I hate it-
I hate me.

Every time I say 'I hate you' I really mean 'I hate me'.
Every time I say 'Leave me alone' I really mean 'Don't go'.
Every time... I say... 'You're such a fuck-up'... I really mean 'I'm the fuck-up'...

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for existing... I wish I could be someone else.
Anyone... just not myself.

It's too late to change...

*

It's become routine.
Once the clock strikes 8:00 PM, he gains control again.

The regret settles in. The guilt settles in. The pain... that never-ending pain settles in deep into his heart, blackening the last bit of gold he so desperately holds on to.

He fell on his bed with a tight feeling on his chest and lungs. He could clutch at his throat as much as he wanted to, nothing would let him get that air back.
His pillow is drenched with tears... like every other cursed night.

Nights are his least favorite thing. They hurt... they really do.
But they're also his favorite, in a sick way.
Gaining that little bit of control of the ghost of a person he wants to be... it gives him that sliver chance of hope.

He always loses grip of that hope somehow.

Since high school started, that hope comes in bigger amounts at night...
He's met someone that's made him feel different.

A special boy... who seems approachable and encouraging...
He was golden on that first day of school, like he still is today.

Oh, how he wishes he was that boy. Someone like him, at least... he'd never have the courage to steal such a golden someone from the world.

For the past month, he's been beating himself to do it.
To speak with Eijiro. About everything...
To share his weight with him... to find a helping source.

He likes Eijiro... because Eijiro makes him feel safe. He doesn't have poisonous thoughts when Eijiro's with him. He likes him for that grand reason.

For the past month, he begins to slowly open up to Eijiro.
Whenever they're alone, Katsuki will act a little different... he'll open up a slight bit more every time.

On the first day, he softened his glare.
On the second, he quieted his tone.
On the third, he softened tone too.

He was doing well. Until Eijiro found him crying.
That was today. Tonight, Katsuki feels almost obligated to tell Eijiro for that reason.
No, he doesn't feel obligated.