as they kissed, jaehyun pushed their bodies into the bedroom.
they began taking each others clothes off, until they were left in their underwear.
jaehyun broke the kiss, to start kissing haeun's neck, which trailed down her stomach to her legs. he stopped at a halt.
jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows, looking at her thighs that were covered in marks.
"what are these?" he said, his voice low.
haeun sat up and widened her eyes at jaehyun.
she tried moving her legs away from him, but he gripped them harder. his eyes traced to her arms, when haeun pulled away and covered her body with a blanket.
she ran out of the room, tears falling down her face, "this is exactly why I didn't want to do this."
"where the hell is it?" she mumbled and looked around for her bag.
haeun heard jaehyun's bedroom door open and panicked. she decided to leave without it, until jaehyun rushed over to her and turned her to face him.
his hands were on her shoulders and he stared into her watery eyes. haeun stared back at his deep brown eyes, meeting the sparkle that glistened in his pupils.
she snapped out of it when he wiped away a tear from her face.
"haeun--," he whispered.
"jaehyun, I can't do this. just let go," haeun begged.
his hand moved to her waist, and another to her cheek, "haeun, don't push me away. we can get through this together; the way you've been dealing with this is not healthy. it'll make you worse, I swear."
haeun was sobbing into his shoulder, as he caressed her hair and moved to the couch, where haeun sat and jaehyun waited.
"I did it because I felt unloved and ugly. they stopped when i was dating that guy, but when i found out what he was doing and when he left me, it all came back, again. there were all sorts of moods flowing through my mind and I couldn't handle them. it's too much and i'm used to it. the pain sort of relieved it," haeun cried.
"I know. I know, but they're tricks. you can't believe them, okay? whenever you want to do that, come to me. I swear, we can come up with better ways to make you feel better or let it all out," jaehyun comforted her.
haeun smiled. when her ex boyfriend found out about her self-harming, he had tried comforting her, too. although, it was a lie, haeun was comforted, temporarily. it was different with jaehyun; she felt the sincerity.
jaehyun cradled haeun in his arms until she calmed down. his head was racing with thoughts, he wanted to hurt the guy that did that to her, and everyone who made her feel unloved. the fact that she had felt so unloved and upset about who she was that she had wanted to hurt her beautiful body, like this, brought a pain to jaehyun's heart that he had never felt before.
he could cry, but he needed to be strong. jaehyun needed to protect haeun and always remind her that he was here; anything to make her believe that she was truly perfect.
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there's our lil squishie boi looking fineee <3
so, update after a long time, hope you like this chapter!
guys, I feel so sad right now. what am I doing with my life? i'm so useless, I doubt i'll make a difference to anyone in the world. I thought people weren't interested in me bc i'm ugly but it seems i'm just boring and a loser, my theory was right.
I just can't, anymore. it hurts so much, it hurts differently, the pain adds more each time. it's not easy at all and I hate to be so negative to those who are also suffering, I know you have it worse than me. I applaud you for being able to stay her long enough.
what's the point, anymore? I wish there was someone who said the same words to me that jaehyun did, in this chapter, but they did and I found out it was another trick. the only time I ever allowed myself to love and I was fooled. poor me for thinking I could ever be loved, right?
god, loneliness can seriously kill you. the voices in my head are the only company I can get, and they're all dangerous.
but still, I tell you, to have a good day and keep smiling. bc i'm smiling through the pain, too.
