The Fire Girl: A One Chicago Fanfiction

Chapter 26

This last month has been...hectic. Adjusting to being a five person household, Katie visiting, and then Kelly's mom came to visit. With Kelly back to work, I've been on my own 24 hours at a time. It's hard being alone with two 6 week olds and an 18 month old. Today was especially hard because it was Ember's 18 month check up for her and her heart. And of course, Kelly was working which meant I was on my own.

I wrangled Ember into her car seat before getting both the boys into the way back of the suburban. Once everyone was packed in and the diaper bags were grabbed, I got in the car and just took a deep breath. Then I clicked on the radio and headed to Chicago Med. When I got there, I had on the twins in the joint chest carrier and held Ember's hand.

We struggled through the appointment. The twins would cry, Ember was fussing and didn't want to sit still for the ultrasound. I was exhausted. Luckily I had requested Natalie do it, so she was able to get her to calm down. 

"Everything looks good," Natalie smiled, "As long as she continues with her meds, she should be good!"

"Thank you Nat. Sorry for all the chaos."

"Please. I've seen worse. You're doing great momma."

"Thanks. I can't wait to get back to work next shift," I chuckled.

"I bet."

She hadn't be the visit report before I left. I packed the kids back into the bar and decided to visit 51 just to get a break. When I arrived, I walked in with the twins now in their carriers. Ember was glued to my side and the diaper bag was slowly sliding off my shoulder. We entered the building and Ember ran straight into the common room.

"Daddy!" she squealed, as Kelly turned and scooped her into his arms.

"Hey baby girl!" he greets with a big smile, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "What are you doing here?"

"We went to doctor! For my heart!"

"Oh yeah! Were you good?"

"Yes daddy."

"She was fussy, but she eventually calmed down," I added, "Doc said she looks good."

"Perfect. That's what I like to here!"

"Where's Uncle Matt?" questioned the little girl, looking around the people.

"Right here silly," Matt chuckled as he stepped up next to her.

"Uncle Matt!" she cheered, leaning into his arms as he took her.

"Hey goofball!"

"Can I hold the baby?" asked an excited Sylvie.

"Have at it," I chuckled, setting the carriers on the ground along with the diaper bag, "This momma's gotta pee."

They moved to pick up the boys and the room filled with chatter as I headed out of the room. Instead of heading to the bathroom, I snuck down to Kelly's office. Once I slipped inside, I sat down on his cot and dropped my head in my hands. Tears began to run down my cheeks as I finally let myself fall apart. A sob wracked my chest as I released all the emotions I had been holding back. 

It wasn't that I didn't love being a mom, believe I do. There is nothing more rewarding but the stress was just eating away at me. It was a lot and I couldn't help but feel like I was failing. I knew my mom would have been amazing at this and now I was failing her too. The crying was so loud in my own head that I didn't notice Kelly walk in.

"Corin? Hey what's going on? What's wrong?" he asked, concerned as he slid beside me.

"I'm failing Kelly!" I cried, "I'm failing you, I'm failing the kids, and-and I'm failing my mom. I'm a failure!"

"Baby," he sighed as he pulled me into him as I cried, "You are anything but a failure. There is a lot on your plate right now and you're learning to juggle it all. You aren't failing any of us. You're our superwoman. Your mom isn't anything but proud of you. And I know that."

"I miss her so much," I admitted, trying to stabilize my breathing but I couldn't, "Kelly, I-I can't breathe."

"Brett! Foster!" Kelly yelled for help and they came running with the others right behind them, "I think she's having an panic attack."

Sylvie stepped into the room, taking my pulse. She crouched down in front of me. She coached me through the breathing, attempting to help me regain control of my breaths. I silently thanked Matt and Stella for keeping the kids in the common room. I didn't want them to see me like this. It took a few minutes, but I was able to get my breathing regulated and the tears running down my face were silent. After double checking that I was okay, Sylvie rubbed my leg . Her and Kelly shared a look before he got up and Sylvie took his place.

"I'll be right in the common room with the kids," Kelly informed me and I nodded.

Sylvie and I weren't like extremely close, but I'd say we were generally close friends. She knew about my past and I knew about hers. I think what really connected us is recently when Sylvie lost her biological mom recently. I had told her the anniversary of the accident was coming up and now it had finally arrived.

"Your mom?" she asked, making the assumption.

"Yep," I replied with a sad chuckle, "I've just been so stressed out with the kids...I feel like I'm failing her and the kids. I know she'd know what to say right now. It's just...I miss her Sylvie."

"I know sweetie. I know you do. And I never met your mom, but from all the stories you've shared about her, I know she's smiling down at you, just beaming with pride. You have the most amazing kids. Ember idolizes you."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. When I hang out with her, she goes on and on about how her mommy is so cool and how you guys do these fun things. While you may feel like you're failing, she doesn't think you are. She just knows that you're there and you take care of her, and you make her happy. So next time you think you're failing, take a breath, and look at your kids. You are doing an amazing job."

"Thanks Sylvie. I really needed to hear that," I grinned, finally able to calm myself down.

"Now, let's go see your adorable kids."

We chuckled and headed back into the common room. Ember was standing in the middle of the room, telling everybody about something random. I smiled as she babbled on about our family movie night. When she turned around and saw me standing right behind her, she hugged me leg.

"I love you mommy."

"I love you too baby girl."