𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼𝑐𝑒 [𝑇𝑜𝑑𝑜𝐷𝑒𝑘𝑢/𝐷𝑒𝑘𝑢𝑇𝑜𝑑𝑜]

Prologue

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
(Robert Frost)

~

For as long as I can remember, I've never felt anything besides rage and hatred.

Every other emotion, every remembrance of love, long forgotten by now.

I was so done with everything, the only meaning of my own life was to prove my father wrong, to prove that I could overcome him without his damned quirk. It was kinda ironic how I wished for nothing more than cut him out of my existence, but he was the reason behind all my actions and the center of my thoughts.

That bastard: ruining my life since day one.

It's not like there were many people in my life anyway. With mom gone, ever since Natsuo left for college, it was just Fuyumi and I. She was great, probably the only person I had some kind of attachment to at that point in my life, but I couldn't seem to understand her.

How could she try so hard to patch up our family? What was even the point?

We were done, there was nothing left to save or fix.

After mom was interned into the hospital, our family was barely standing, and after Tōya ran away it just crumbled down completely. Trying to fix that mess was just a waste of time and I felt incredibly sorry for her, I was sorry she was wasting her time to fix something that didn't even exist in the first place.

But we came from different background: same family, different childhood.

Being alone was completely normal to me ever since I was a child. But for Fuyumi it was different. For what I can remember she used to get along and play with Tōya and Natsuo all the time. She wasn't used to being alone like I was.

It's not like I needed people around anyway.

I was perfectly fine on my own, always been, always will be.

Why bother making friends? Why bring someone else down when everyone around me seemed to get hurt or leave as soon as they could? Why go through heartbreak over and over again if I could just avoid it? What was the point of having someone in my life at all, if not even my mother could love me?

Don't get me wrong. I didn't blame her for fucking up my damned face, I didn't blame her for any of the words she used to yell at me either. Even if I couldn't bear to stare at my scarred face, I knew it wasn't her fault, it was always Endeavor's fault. His continuous abuse drove her insane, I knew that well enough. I understood her pain too well.

"Please stop pushing him, he's only five years old!"

"He's already five! Get out of my way!"

Maybe I should have just suck it up and try harder. Maybe if I just endured the pain instead of running to her crying every time, she would have stayed. Maybe I could have protected her somehow, I could have been her hero, but I wasn't and if she was sent away it was just my fault.

But even if I know she didn't mean to hurt me, even if she apologized and tried to fix it, I couldn't forgive. Even after 10 years, I'm still scared of her...

I don't think I'll ever forget those eyes as long as I live...

The scar on my face doesn't seem willing to let me forget either.

My old man seemed to hate my face too at that point, but he has always been too focused on training me to bother to acknowledge my emotions or comforting me. He didn't say much when I started covering my scarred face with makeup whenever I left the house, he actually seemed liking that, probably because he didn't want people to know how fucked up we actually were.

I can't even remember the last time I saw my mother smiling; I don't ever remember if she ever smiled at all. I don't remember seeing anyone smiling in my family when I was around. And it's extremely sad to be aware that you are the one who teared your own family apart...

The last smile I remember was Tōya's one and it wasn't even a real one.

"I'm really sorry Shōto"

"Don't leave"

"I'll come back for you, it will be alright, I promise"

I hold onto those lies for years but he never came back, and it never got better, if anything it just kept getting worse. He was a smart asshole! He just decided to pack his things and leave us behind. He took the easy way out of this shit and there's no day I'm not jealous.

I thought to follow Tōya's steps and ran away but then: what would be of Fuyumi?

She was the only person keeping me in that house, to keep me alive. I wished to be dead a lot of time, that would be an easy way out too. In the end, even if disappeared who would even care? There was not much I was going to leave behind after all, just a couple siblings who maybe didn't even really care if I was dead or alive.

But I didn't want to give up that soon, it didn't seem fair.

I didn't accomplish anything so far, didn't find a sense to my life either, and if I really was going to be gone at some point, I at least wished for all the pain I've gone through to have a meaning.

No matter how all the pain made me numb and emotionless, no matter how emotionally scarred I was, I wanted my life to have a meaning.

So I kept doing the same routine day after day.

Wake up, shower, hide the scar, eat, go to school, come home, endure the training, eat, sleep. Repeat.

I kept holding onto Tōya's last words:

"It will be alright, I promise."

I kept telling myself that, but no matter how hard I tried, with every passing day, it seemed like the chance to be okay were only getting lower till at some point there wouldn't have been any chance to be okay at all.

~

[A/N]
Hey there!
How are you doing?
So this is the end of the first chapter.
This is the first time I write a fanfiction, so be kind with me...
I honestly have no idea if this was nice to read or not, but if you liked I' be really happy if you could leave a like and let me know what you think.

See you next chapter! ♥️

Published 4.14.2020
[Partially edited 8.13.2020]

Art ~ Credit to the artist, couldn't find it. (If you know them, let me know)