𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼𝑐𝑒 [𝑇𝑜𝑑𝑜𝐷𝑒𝑘𝑢/𝐷𝑒𝑘𝑢𝑇𝑜𝑑𝑜]

Chapter 36 - Cheater

It looks as though, you're letting go,
and if it's real,
well I don't want to know
(Don't speak ~ No Doubt)

~•~

Chapter 36 - 'Cheater'

DAY 420

MIDORIYA's POV

It had come to a point where I realized that it was always going to be this way no matter what I would do or say, I just had to accept it.
I got to a point where I really felt like giving up, it wasn't like me to just give up on things that I cared about, but it felt like there was nothing left for me to do. I honestly didn't know how to get through him and make him understand. It seemed like there were no amount of words that could make him understand how I felt and nothing I could do to atone my mistakes. I kept spending most of my nights awake thinking of the words I could have said, the things that I could have done differently to make him understand or to avoid this mess from the very beginning, but my mind kept playing all sort of scenarios with the same outcome. I was so tired; I didn't even want to be forgiven or loved anymore: I just wanted to be seen, because I had started to think that maybe I was just too horrible to be forgiven, or at least that was how this situation made me feel.
I was stupid, and I made terrible mistakes, but I liked to think that I was not such a horrible person. Was I right?

Maybe I was horrible, and I just couldn't see it for myself.
It all made me feel like Kacchan was right all along and I was a good for nothing as he always stated.

I missed him, I missed us. I really missed it, even the smallest little things. I wasn't necessarily requiring a romantic relationship at all costs, even if I shamelessly asked for one; at that point, even a friendship would have been more than fine with me; anything to get him back into my life.

"Midoriya, would you mind answering the question?" - Ectoplasm asked bringing me back to reality.

"I...I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention" - I answered honestly, there was no point in lying, he already knew I wasn't paying attention, or else he wouldn't have called me out.
I saw Mineta scoff from the other side of the class and say something under his breath, but I obviously couldn't hear him, but by the way Aoyama glared at him I could tell it was probably something bad. I've heard Mineta calling me names behind my back a few times, it wouldn't have surprised me if it was yet another comment on what he presumed to be my sexuality. He didn't ask about it once, he just kept talking behind my back of how I was a 'fag dating a hot chick to cover my sins', or something like that.

"I've noticed. Please focus on the lecture, another call and I'll send you to Principal Nezu." - he said in a calm tone.

He was definitely pissed by my lack of interest and attention, but he wasn't the kind of person to show it by raising his voice. I nodded as an answer, and he turned around to resume explaining some kind of equation that I found really boring and useless. I had no clue what was the point of learning that complicated kind of math anyway, we aimed to be heroes not accountants.

Sero recalled my attention with a whisper. He threw me a crumpled piece of paper before pointing towards Iida.

'Iida...'

It was another friendship I fucked up unwillingly, but at least, that one didn't really depend just on me, it was more his choice than mine.

'I would like to talk with you during lunch break' - it read.

I sighed and glanced his way towards the very back of the room meeting Miyako's glare for a split second. Iida seemed really focused on the lecture and for some kind of reason I even doubted he actually sent me a note: it was out of character for someone like him after all.