𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼𝑐𝑒 [𝑇𝑜𝑑𝑜𝐷𝑒𝑘𝑢/𝐷𝑒𝑘𝑢𝑇𝑜𝑑𝑜]

Chapter 18 - Happy birthday!

But I still can't seem to tell you why it hurts me every time I see you realize how much I need you.

I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love you
don't want to, but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you
you want her, you need her and I'll never be her.
(I hate you, I love you - Gnash)

~•~

Chapter 18 - Happy birthday!

Day 72

I always felt unwanted, all my life I had people looking at me from afar trying to keep themselves away from me, giving me circumstantial smiles, pitiful looks. It's always been like that and it hurt like hell, but I just stood still watching as others looked down on me. It became no different with Izuku, most of the time he would gave me those smiles, those that say 'I don't want to be here' or 'I can't wait to leave', those smiles I hated so much. It just made me feel more like a burden. Maybe he thought I couldn't tell but, how couldn't I? And over all: if I was so unbearable to be with me, why couldn't he just let me alone? Sure, it would have hurt like hell being left behind once more but watching him pretending all the time hurt more. I spent all my life knowing that I was put into this world to fulfill my father's desires, I spent all my life like a puppet, alone and mistreated; he would have been just another one who hurt me in the end.

It was okay for him to leave like everyone else did.

I knew I was made to be unlovable.

"Izuku, why are we even doing this?" - I asked as he retrieved the entrance tickets from his wallet. I was confused on why we were about to enter an amusement park all alone, I had never been to one before and I honestly thought it was a stupid idea because we weren't kids anymore and I really wasn't the kind of guy to have fun.

"Because even if I can't change your childhood, I can try to give you the happy memories you should have." - he said grabbing my hand and starting to pull me towards the entrance gate.

"This is not necessary. I've already seen the school festival; besides I think I'm not the kind of guy to enjoy this kind of amusement."

'You can stop pretending Izuku, it won't hurt more than it always does'

"We've been working for the concert back then, and I wasn't with you at all. So today we're going to enjoy ourselves! I know you're gonna love it!" - he said excitedly showing our entrance tickets to the guard*.

"Shouldn't we do something you like for your birthday instead?"

"Making you happy is something I like, so this is perfect! It's going to be even better if you stop complaining before we even get this started!" - he said giving me a playful glare. He grabbed my hand once he put the tickets away and pulled me along smiling like a little kid.

"Let's go have fun!" - Izuku said with a happy smile. He was adorable and I wanted nothing more than seeing that smile for as long as I could.

~•~

Of course he was right. It was fun, more than I expected it could be.

Izuku seemed to be enjoying it a lot more than I was, but that was definitely okay.

His smile made my heart quiver and ache simultaneously each time. He squeezed my hand a bit more as he dragged me around all morning. It was all so colorful and warm around us and I didn't even know if it really was or if it was just Izuku being by my side to make all around me so beautiful. I honestly didn't care. For a while I just forgot about everything, all the thoughts running through my head disappeared giving me some time to enjoy his presence and feeling somewhat happy.