Famous In Love

48

After Clarke had read the letter, she didn’t know what to do. Octavia hadn’t read the letter and said something about Lexa leaving because she was needed as model. But the letter said something else and Clarke didn’t know what to do with it. A part of her wanted to contact Lexa and say she hadn’t done anything wrong. But it would only put her in a more difficult position. What would she say? It’s not any of your fault but I can’t explain why I’m acting like this? Clarke just acted along with the model story and performed that night, pretending everything was fine but in fact she still felt like shit. After the performance everyone walked back to the hotel, making plans to go out this night again since the adrenaline was still pumping through their veins. “You’re quiet today.” Bellamy said while he laid his arm on her shoulders. They were walking a bit further away from their friends since Clarke was walking separate of the group before. Clarke didn’t answer on Bellamy and just shrugged. “Are you coming with us?” He asked and Clarke finally looked at him in the eyes. “I don’t think so. I think it’s better if I go to sleep.” Clarke said and she laid her hand on the doorknob of her hotel room. Bellamy leaned against it so Clarke couldn’t go inside yet. “Are you alright? If you want we can go for a drink instead. Just the two of us, going to a pub and talking.” Bellamy said and Clarke just looked at him for awhile. He could see the doubt in her eyes and laid his hand over hers. “Clarke, I can see something is up and I want to be there for you. I want to listen to you. You know you can trust me.” He said and Clarke swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and nodded. “Yeah. I would like that.” She said and a little smile formed on his face. 

“So what’s on your mind, Griffin?” Bellamy asked once they had settled down somewhere. “I don’t even know.” Clarke said with a sigh. “I just don’t feel myself anymore lately. It’s like everything is changing and I’m changing with it.” 
“And that’s a bad thing?” 
“I don’t feel good like this. I’m not happy anymore. All there is is confusion and me trying to find answers on things that only I can answer.” 
“You said everything was changing. What is changing then?” Bellamy asked and Clarke looked at the boy in front of her. She wanted to say my feelings, my thoughts but she didn’t. She couldn’t. Not yet. Not until she figured it out herself. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just a lot to deal with after I found out Lexa’s dad was the cause of my dad’s death.” Clarke said instead what wasn’t a full lie because she still found it hard sometimes. “Yeah. That must not be easy for you. Especially because you see Lexa often too.” 
“Yeah Lexa.” Clarke said softly while looking down to her hands. “Is that why you pushed her away this whole time?” 
“I guess.” Clarke lied. “What happened yesterday exactly?” Bellamy asked and Clarke didn’t know what to say at first. “I was done with thinking the whole time. My head is full with these questions where I just don’t get an answer on. And I wanted a break of that. I know it was wrong to do but I just wanted to feel something different again.” Clarke said and Bellamy looked confused at her. “What are you talking about, Clarke?” 
“I went to a club to get a drink because I knew if I just went to a pub, the chance was big some of you would find me. And I didn’t want to be found. I needed some time alone. At the pub I just sat at the bar for a while. Someone noticed me and came up to me, asking if I was alright. And he offered me something to make me feel better.” Clarke explained and Bellamy’s eyes widened. “Please don’t tell me you took drugs from a stranger.” Bellamy begged but Clarke’s face gave an answer already. “Are you out of your mind?! He could’ve drugged you to rape you afterwards! Did he…?” Bellamy couldn’t even finish the sentence, thinking of that horror made him sick already. “No he didn’t.” Clarke quickly said to not let him panic more than he already was. “Jesus.” Bellamy said while he let his head rest in his hands. “I know it’s stupid and I don’t know what was wrong with me to even accept it. I regret it and I won’t ever do it again. But nothing bad happened.” Clarke said and after awhile Bellamy started to laugh softly and Clarke started laugh with him too. “You, Clarke. You really know how to surprise me. Wow. Come here.” He said and he pulled Clarke in a hug. “I can’t even think of what could have happened to you.” He whispered in her hair and Clarke held on tight to him. She felt save for a moment again and she closed her eyes, enjoying the moment and wishing it won’t be over soon. They just held on to each other for awhile until Bellamy pulled back to look in the blonde’s eyes, checking if she was alright. He noticed how Clarke’s eyes shifted from his left to right eye and when he noticed they looked at his lips, he noticed Clarke came closer until he felt her lips on his. He froze at first, not knowing what the hell was happening but he liked the feeling and it didn’t take long or he was kissing her back. Clarke suddenly pulled back abruptly and Bellamy was dazed by the sudden change. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Clarke said and Bellamy could see the panic in her eyes. “Hey no it’s fine, Clarke.” He said while grabbing her hands but Clarke didn’t let that happen. “I should go.” Clarke said and she walked away, leaving Bellamy in confusion.