Famous In Love

67

Clarke looked at the stars from her balcony. She thought back of the evening she first met Lexa. How her eyes looked even greener because of the tears in her eyes. Eyes full of pain yet so beautiful. And now she sat here alone while she could have Lexa by her side, holding her hand, kissing her. But now the last time she saw or heard Lexa was at the hospital, three days ago. She had tried to contact Lexa through texts, calls, facetime, literally every platform but the brunette never replied. She had to check with Octavia to know if Lexa was still alive or not and when she got the answer she was with her right now, she didn’t know how to feel. Relieved because she was fine or sad because she didn’t want to speak with her? 
She felt both but the second one she felt the most. Clarke couldn’t hold back the tears rolling down her cheeks but when she heard the door opening, she quickly wiped them away. She didn’t count on her best friend walking in on her like this and still had to get used to Raven living with her. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Raven asked worried and she entered the balcony with her wheelchair. “Nothing. Don’t worry.” Clarke said and she tried to avoid Raven’s gaze so the latina wouldn’t see her red eyes too much. “Clarke, you don’t cry for no reason so just tell me.” Raven said and she laid her hand on Clarke’s leg. “It’s just Lexa…” Clarke said with a sigh. “What about her?” 
“She doesn’t reply to my texts.” 
“Are you guys in a fight? You looked fine at the hospital.” 
“It’s complicated.” Clarke said because she hadn’t told Raven yet about her sexuality nor that her and Lexa had something going on. “Then why don’t you go check at her house? I can’t leave the house but you can and it’s not like I need you as my bodyguard 24/7.” 
“I can’t.” Clarke said and she already regretted starting this conversation. She should have lied because she knew Raven wasn’t going to let it go now. “Why not?” She asked and Clarke stayed quiet. She didn’t know what to say now. “Clarke?” Raven asked again and Clarke shortly closed her eyes before opening them again and looking at Raven. She had to tell her. She had the right to know. “Because I can’t see Lexa anymore.” Clarke said and Raven looked confused at the blonde. “What do you mean?” Raven asked. “I can’t come close to Lexa again so nobody will get hurt again.” Clarke said and she could see on the latina’s face that she had confused her even more. “Clarke, you don’t make any sense now. It’s late. My brain is off duty. Can you be a bit more clearer?” 
“What I am about to tell you sounds crazy as fuck but I need you to listen to it clearly. Okay?” Clarke said and Raven nodded. “It’s not Murphy’s fault you’re injured.” Clarke said and Raven immediately interrupted. “It is! I saw him with my own eyes, Clarke!” She said with raised voice and Clarke had to interrupt her friend. “Listen! I’m not done talking yet. You would listen.” Clarke said and Raven had to take a deep breath to calm herself down. “I don’t think it’s Murphy’s fault. Yes, he hit you with the car but it wasn’t his intention. It’s Costia’s.” Clarke said and Raven’s confused face came back “Costia? What does she have to do with this?” 
“Costia threatened me before because Lexa and I got to close to her likings. She said I had to back off. When Lexa broke up with her you were in the hospital soon after. I got a threat message again of Costia, mentioning your accident even. She said I should’ve stayed away from Lexa and that Karma is a bitch. I’m the reason you’re going through this, Raven.” Clarke said with croaky voice. “Wait I’m confused. What’s Costia her problem with you?” Raven asked and Clarke could feel her heartbeat throb in her throat. “Because Lexa broke up with Costia because of me.” Clarke said and Raven froze for a moment. “Lexa is in love with you?” Raven asked and Clarke nodded. “And I am too.” Clarke finally said and she stopped breathing when Raven froze again. “What?” Raven asked softly and Clarke didn’t know what to think of it. “I’m in love with Lexa. We were a thing before you laid in the hospital.” 
“So you’re bisexual?” Raven asked and Clarke nodded. “How long do you know this?” 
“Since I realised I had feelings for Lexa.” 
“What changed when I got into the hospital?” 
“I can’t take the risk of anything bad happening to anyone I love.” 
“Report the fucking bitch and go live your life.” Raven said and Clarke had to chuckle at her enthusiasm. “I did but you were the one that got hit and saw the person doing it. Murphy is the suspect here.” Clarke said with a sigh. “I still don’t get how he would do it for Costia. Am I just going crazy and is it really not Costia behind this?” Clarke asked and she looked at the latina with desperation in her eyes. Desperate to get some answers and desperate for Lexa. “That’s why you shouldn’t care.” Raven said and Clarke looked confused at her. “Please think of yourself for once. Look at what you’re doing. You’re pushing the woman you love away for others. You’re not even sure if it is Costia behind this. Besides if it is her and she strikes again, she won’t be able to get away with it forever. Now she might be lucky but then we will catch her. You can’t live the rest of your life in fear and without Lexa just because there is a chance Costia will do something again.” 
“You could’ve died, Raven. What if she kills someone next time? I won’t ever forgive myself.” 
“Will you ever forgive yourself if you let the woman that might be the love of your life go just because you’re scared?” Raven asked and Clarke had to think about that. She hadn’t thought about it yet on long term. As long as Costia is there as a free woman, and it looked like she was getting away with this, Lexa and her couldn't see each other anymore if they wanted to play safe. Clarke pulled Raven into a hug, carefully to not hurt her. "I love you." Clarke whispered. "Okay you don't need to start hitting on me now." Raven said with a smile and she pulled back to look in the blonde's eyes. "I love u too."