Red vs Blue: Heavy 'META'L

Chapter 3

Chairman: Dear Director, due to your busy schedule, we have begun interviewing members of your staff. I'm certain you will let us know if this bothers you. However, our debriefings keep coming back to a single subject at Outpost 17-B. Can you explain to us what this Meta is, and what your plans are to deal with it?

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Lieutenant Miller runs down a ramp to Wash, Slade, and Kan.

Miller: Oh no! Hell no! Excuse me, sir, but no goddamn way!

Wash: You must be Lieutenant Miller.

Miller: I got Reds comin' out of my ass here boss, and you wanna take away one of my men for a... what did you say this was for?

Blue: Secret mission, sir.

Miller: Aw, you gotta be-a what?!

Slade: Oi, Lieutenant. Think you've got a blood helluva lot more to worry about. I mean, why the hell are all your vehicles busted?

Slade thumbs to the burning tank and wrecked jeep.

Miller: What do you think I'm talkin' about? This is YOUR fault! You sent us the new guy; he said he was good with vehicles. All he does is talk to 'em. Talk to 'em! What the hell is that all about? And now look at the damn things!

Slade: That's fuckin' Caboose, alright. Back in Blood Gulch, Blue Team had a tank auto-learning tutorial program inside the tank. Caboose must've thought that's how the rest of your vehicles work, mate.

Wash: I don't need to discuss your problems. I have orders, and those orders say I need Private Caboose and I need him now. He has information that could be vital to this-

Miller: Wait a second, Caboose? You're taking Caboose? And I don't have to pay you or anything like that?

Wash: Is that a problem?

Miller: A problem? Hehe, hell no! It must be Christmas morning n' no one told me. You stay right there, I'll get 'im for you. Private Jo-a-nes? Jo-a-nes? Jo-a-nes, where the hell are ya'!?

Jones: (sigh) Sir, for the millionth time, my name is pronounced 'Jones'. Jones.

Blue: Shut up, Jo-a-nes!

Jones: Seriously, lots of people have the name, it's very common. How am I the first person you've met called Jones?

Miller: Jo-a-nes, I need ya to go down to the brig, untie Caboose and get him up here.

Jones: Me... alone?

Miller: Double time, Jo-a-nes.

Jones: Its pronounced... never mind, Christ.

Wash: You keep him in the brig?

Miller: We keep him tied up in the brig. I'm not taking any more chances.

Slade: While I certainly understand your methods, I think the tying up part might've been a bit much.

A gunshot rings out, and Jones cries out in pain. Caboose then runs out.

Caboose: Be careful.

Miller: (to Wash) You'll understand soon enough.

Caboose: You wanted to see me, Principal Miller?

Miller: Where's the guy I sent to get ya?

Caboose: Oh, him, yeah... um, he let me out then somehow shot himself in the back somehow. But we don't think it was anybody's fault. Everybody agrees it was an accident.