Red vs Blue: Heavy 'META'L

The Installation

In the desert, the Elephant is ramming into the temple's door.

Grif: The hell are they doing out there?

Tucker: They've been trying to blast their way in here ever since I locked it down. They're not having much luck though, ARE YOU, FUCKING ASSHOLES? The stuff looks like rock, but it's way tougher.

Grif: What's tougher than rock?

Caboose: Paper.

Tucker: How the fuck should I know? Super rock? What am I, some kind of, geographist?

Slade: I think you mean petrologist.

Tucker: Whatever.

Sarge: They have some kind of big machine out there.

Tucker: Yeah, they just got that thing. I think they think they're gonna yank this door off with it. Not fucking happening.

Sarge: They wanna get their hands on that weapon?

Tucker: Yeah, and we can't let them turn it on, no matter what happens.

Sarge: Well, why don't we just turn it on and use it against them?

Tucker: The fuck, what?! We don't know what it does! We can turn it on and it could make us all sterile.

Slade: Okay, first: you are bloody psychotic. Second: Monitors aren't that powerful. They're just able to connect with various pieces of technology and can shoot a big-ass laser from their ocular sensor. And third: even if we DID turn the Monitor on, for all we know it'd probably shoot back up into space and go find it's Halo!

Caboose heads off while the others are talking.

Grif: Would it do that?

Tucker: Well, the last weapon we found was designed to wipe out all organic life in a huge radius.

Grif: (whistles) Wow. ... What's a, radius?

Slade: (palms visor) Fuckin' idiots....

Tucker: I don't know, they just made me learn this crap for my dumb job. Point is, don't touch anything. You hit the wrong button or flip the wrong switch, we'll all be dead before you can say—Where's Caboose?

Sarge: Uh, I don't think that's how that expression goes.

Tucker: No, I mean where the fuck is Caboose?

Slade looks around, surprised

Slade: Well, shit.

Sarge: Oh yeah... he does have a habit of wandering off. He's been trying to rig equipment to do something. We don't really know what. That boy is not quite right, you know?

Tucker: What? I just said not to touch anything, and you guys went and walk away to find equipment? What the hell is wrong with you? Man, I swear, you guys have always been idiots, but this takes the cake!

Grif: Hey! He's on your team, asshole.

Tucker: Oh. Right. ...Hey, uh, so if you guys aren't doing anything, you wanna help me go find Caboose?

Sarge: Let's go.

Sarge, Grif, Slade, and Kan begin to walk off past Tucker.

Grif: So embarrassing for you...

Tucker: Just go find the guy.

Grif: So sad...

Tucker: I fucked your sister.