Red vs Blue: Heavy 'META'L

Watch the Flank

Inside Red Base at Valhalla. Lopez, Simmons, and South are barricading the entrances with crates.

Lopez: [Get more boxes and put them there.]

Simmons: Keep watching your motion tracker. This guy can turn invisible.

Lopez: [Is that where he went?]

South: Even without his AI, Maine's crazy strong. I don't think these'll be enough to keep him out.

Outside Red Base, the Meta tries his invisibility but it short-circuits and fails, making him snarl loudly in anger.

Simmons: Whoa! Did you hear that?

Lopez: [I have something on my motion tracker.]

Simmons: (frightened) Yeah, it was loud.

South: (aims her rifle at the front entrance) No, over there!

Lopez, Simmons, and South ready their weapons for the Meta on the entrance in front of them, looking at each other and reloading at the same time... only for Donut to  come around the corner.

Donut: Hey guys. 'Sup?

Simmons: Donut?

South: Donut!

Lopez: [Didn't you say this guy could change color?]

Donut: I just finished cleaning up Blue Base. What's going on over here?

Lopez: [I think we should shoot him just to be safe.]

South: Donut, why the fuck did you just stand there when the Meta attacked me?

Donut: You guys seemed like you knew each other. I thought you were just catching up.

South: He was shooting fucking grenades at me!

Donut: Yeah, so, I thought that was an inside joke between the two of you.

South: What kind of complete dickwad would think grenades being fired at someone is a JOKE?!

Donut: Well, how do I know? I've been gone a long time. In fact, it was clear that I didn't know the guy, so shame on you for not introducing us. And quite frankly, I found the whole thing a bit rude!

South just stares at Donut for several seconds before dropping her gun and started strangling him, shaking Donut back and forth. Simmons holds her back, and manages to yank her off as she furiously tries to get at Donut.

South: I AM GONNA RIP YOUR GODDAMN SPINE OUT AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT!

Lopez: [I was gonna suggest that we just shoot him, but this is actually more entertaining.]

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Back at the desert inside the temple, Tucker, and the Reds are looking at Epsilon beside Caboose.

Tucker: Church? Your telling me that thing is Church.

Caboose: Well, not exactly. See, um, technically, uh, this thing is, uh, just a memory of Church. Um, his name is Epsilon.

Tucker: Epsa-whatsawhat?

Epsilon: Me, dipshit!

Slade: (sighs) That's Church, alright.

Tex: (in Slade's mind) Once an asshole, always an asshole.

Caboose: Uh, yeah, see, he's a resident memory of the guy that Church was based on, so he's kind of like, remembering himself. Yeah, Simmons can explain, yeah, much better than I can, probably.