Red vs Blue: Heavy 'META'L

Fourth and Twenty

At the desert, Caboose is standing on top of a tall rock, being harassed by the Elites below. Tucker is watching from the side.

Caboose: Go away, bad aliens! Shoo aliens shoo! Rolled up newspaper!

Tucker: Maybe you should have thought about that before you lost their all-powerful Deity.

Caboose: I didn't lose him, he left. Or maybe he lost himself. Or maybe the Reds took him. I don't-

One of the Elites shoots Caboose.

Caboose: Ow! Stop that!

Tucker: Well, until the Reds come back, they need somebody to blame. Better you than me man.

Caboose: Tucker, help me.

Tucker: Hyeah, dude, I don't know. I don't really wanna get in between an angry mob and their religious iconography. And I should know, I used to date an Italian girl.

Caboose: But he's not really a god, it's all made up. You know that.

The Elites turn toward Tucker.

Tucker: Whoa dude, I don't know shit. That sounds like straight up blasphemy. You guys gonna put up with this shit?

Elite: <Give us back our god or we will kill the blue one!>

Tucker: H-I know dude, that's what I'm saying. Took the blarg right out of my mouth.

Caboose: Tucker? They're going to eat me!

Tucker: Caboose, shut the fuck up, they're not gonna eat you. They're just gonna persecute you and kill you, stop being such a baby.

Caboose: Look, the Reds, they're back. And they have your worshippy guy.

Tucker: What? Sarge...

Sarge: Hey Blue, we're back. Got Simmons and South too. Where's the water can? Oh also you got any more spare jeeps around here? I don't wanna get into it, but we've identified a tactical weakness in the hood of the current models. Oh uh, what're you guys doing? Killin' Caboose? That's cool.

Tucker: Who the hell is South?

Sarge: Another lady Freelancer like Tex.

Tucker: What?! Is she single?

Sarge: Nope. She's with Slade. And they got down and dirty so many times that I feel he's been gone more than Grif!

Tucker: What the fuck, man! Why is he getting all the chicks and I'm getting cock-blocked?!

Caboose: (points at Sarge) There he is! He is the one who took Church! Get him.

Elite: <What? Him?>

Sarge: Uh-oh.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Slade is carrying South with Kan following and they enter the Elephant.

Slade: Kan, see if you can find any medical supplies in this thing.

Kan: Yes, Leader. (leaves to do so)

South: (moans in pain) Cal....

Slade takes off his helmet and holds her face.

Slade: Stay with me, love. Just keep your eyes open and steady your breaths. D, Rho, Theta, give me everything and anything you got and put it towards the healing unit.