Red vs Blue: Heavy 'META'L

Hang Time

In the temple, an Elite walks in firing a machine gun turret. Sarge and Grif are taking cover behind a corner and avoiding the gunfire while Slade and Kan fire back.

Sarge: Grif, listen. We may not make it out of this.

Grif: What?

Sarge: If you die, I think I'm prepared to live with that. I practiced it a lot. But there's also a chance you might survive and I won't!

Grif: (irritated) There'd be a better chance if you'd help us shoot! (starts to fire back at the Elite)

Sarge: In case I don't make it, I can't help but think about all the future mistakes you're gonna make that I'm not gonna be there to scream at you about!

Grif: (sarcastic) Oh, stop. I'm getting all teary-eyed.

Slade: Sarge, shut the fuck up and start being an ACTUAL leader! You could bloody do so by tossing a grenade or something!

Sarge: I just want to let you boys know that at my bunk back at the base, there's a recorder deck. I've prerecorded about 57 hours of rants that should be applicable in a variety of situations. Whenever you're feeling good about yourself, I want you to play one. And always remember! Somebody hates you.

The Elite ceases fire when Epsilon floats above him into the room and looks down at him.

Epsilon: Oh hey, alien. What's up?

The Elite immediately drops his gun and bows down.

Tucker: Cease fire!

Slade, Kan, and Grif stops shooting.

Epsilon: Um, the alien's being weird in here.

Grif: What's it doing?

Tucker: No, no, I've seen this before. Some of the aliens worship this ancient technology. This one probably thinks Church is some kind of god.

Epsilon: Wow! Seriously? That's pretty fucking cool.

Caboose: (gasps) Maybe that's why your name is Church!

Epsilon: Oh, what's up, prayin' dude? How do ya' like me now? BIP-(smashes a box into the Elite)-O!

Slade: Church! What the hell is wrong with you?!

Tucker: I think that's taking advantage of your deity status, dude!

Epsilon: Well, what good is being a god if you can't smite some people? Let's have fun...

Headcase: The shots came from down here! Form up, men!

Sarge: Whoa! Incoming!

Epsilon: (floats back into the other room and hides) Good luck, guys!

Headcase charges in with another soldier and Smith.

Headcase: Freeze! Lower your weapons!

Several other soldiers and Elites rush in from a different entrance.

Headcase: (to Tucker) You... do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused me? I should kill you right here.

Slade steps in front of Tucker.

Slade: Leave them out of this. This is between you and me, ya fucker!

Headcase: Couldn't agree more. (aims his rifle at Slade's head) Say goodbye to your pals.

Epsilon: (reappears) Somebody's gettin' killed? I wanna watch.