The Aesthetics Of Waiting

CHAPTER 20 (Remember Me)

"He wanted you to move on and forget everything for the both of you. But he said, he's conscience is muddling his mind and things begin to fall heavy. It turns out like, he wants you to move on but he is the one who can't get away of loving you and he kept on saying he's missing you and being inquisitive about you." Brittney explained while holding my hands.

I sniffled. "But why? Why didn't you tell me that his life is in danger? I was his girlfriend, Brittney. I should've known about it." I wiped the tear falling from my eyes.

Ford really considered my feelings about this matter. He even told his sister to not tell me about it.

"Do Linda and George knew about this, don't they?"

"They... They knew. We all knew about it, sis." Brittney sighed. "Ford told us to never tell anything about it to you because he doesn't want you to worry—"

"Fuck that reason, Britt!" I stood up and couldn't contain the anger anymore. "Of course I will worry, I'm his girlfriend! If you're in my position you would feel the same way!"

"Hey, calm down, Francine." Brittney stood up and hugged me so tight. "Everything is fine now, look, he survived, he had overcome. Are you not happy about it?" Brittney caressed my face and smiled.

"Brittney, I felt so much pain when he broke up with me, I hated him so much, you know that? All this time, I thought, he broke up with me without any reason at all." I wept silently, reminiscing the days that I thought of him.

"I did not have any decent sleep, I didn't eat properly, I drown myself in alcohol, I cried myself to sleep every night just because I hated him. I've been miserably living my life because the only person who completes me, broke up with me." I closed my eyes and let my heart accept the pain.

"I'm sorry, Francine." Brittney's eyes start to well with tears. "That day of his operation, we didn't know if he'll live or he'll... D—die. So we didn't hesitate to promise him to not tell you anything."

I looked at her teary eyes. "It's not your fault, sis." I sniffled and smiled softly at her. "I just, I didn't expect all of these. I panicked, I broke down, I didn't know how to react or what to do, but I don't blame you." I wiped her tears and smiled.

"Yeah. Thank you, Francine." She smiled. "I'm glad that you understand me. You understand us."

"Of course, I do." I smiled.

"I want to talk to Ford."

Brittney's eyes widened. "What? Why?"

"I want to ask him. If he remembers me or something." I smiled.

"Okay," She smiled. "Let's go."

We walked to the door and to the gate. We went to her car and hopped in. While she's driving, I couldn't help myself but to think of what would he do if I tell him that I was his ex girlfriend, what would Zach say if I told him that Ford was my ex boyfriend, oh god, Zach knew and saw how miserable I am because of Ford. What would my friends say if I confide to them that Ford has a memory loss that's why he didn't recognise them at the Pizza restaurant?

This is a big trouble. But I don't mind, what happens, happens.

We reached at Yexelson's residence and Brittney slowed down the car and turned off the ignition. We hopped out and sauntered to their door.

This house... We had a lot of memories in this house. Brittney clicked the door open and surprisingly, Ford is sitting on the sofa, watching netflix while eating popcorn.

He looked at us and I could see that he's wearing a gray long sleeves sweater and a jogging bottoms. That's always his style when he's at home, I knew it because that's what he always wear when we cuddle in the sofa. Wait, what? No. I shouldn't recalled about that.

"Oh, hi Francine." Ford smiled. "Nice to see you here."

Brittney smiled at me and nodded. "I'll just go up stairs to change."

I smiled at her and heaved a sigh.

"Hi, F—Ford." Damn, it's so hard to say that name after everything that had happened.

"Come here, sit down." He tapped the sofa, signifying to sit beside him.

I cleared my throat and sauntered to him.

I looked at his beautiful eyes, perfect features and crimson shaded lips. Nothing much has changed to this man. He's still handsome.

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked and smiled.

"No, I'm good." I just continued looking at him and staring at his fascinating eyes.

"Uhm... Francine, are you okay?" Ford asked, looking at me like I was a weird creature.

"Ford... Don't you remember me?" I formed the words carefully and fighting for my tears to not fall at the same time.

"What do you mean? Remember you?" Ford frowned.

The man that I have loved, completely forgotten everything about me. There's nothing painful than this, for I thought.

"I—I..." He is just staring at me in confusion and waiting for me to speak. I sighed. "I'm Francine Clarkson. Your—baby—ex girlfriend."

Ford narrowed his eyes and looked away. A complete confusion plastered in his eyes and seeming to think deeply.

"Francine... Clarkson." He muttered.

"Yes. Yes, Francine Clarkson." I couldn't fight the tears anymore, it flowed. "Do you remember me now?" I held his hand with both of my hands.

"I—I..." He looked at me, scanning every details of my face, and he looked down at his hands that I'm holding. "I don't remember." He gently swift his hands away from mine. That hurts.

I closed my eyes and calm myself. Carefully choosing every words that I'll speak.

"Listen, Ford... We dated for a year, we've been together for almost a year, you loved me, I loved you, we're happy back then, running, cuddling and expressing our love with each other beside the seashore, under the beautiful stars, you are my turtle and I am your puppy, you call me Francy and I was your one and only. You told me you were waiting for me, and here I am, Ford..." I said, tears blurring my sight, I blinked.

"I don't..." Ford stood up. Completely flustered. "I'm no longer waiting for someone."

I heard my heart, cracking and splashing around the place. He stood up and made a quick glance at me and walked away, ascending upstairs. He left me crying and breaking.

I didn't saw that coming.

Maybe he was just not ready for what I've just said.

I heard a loud bang of a door and I saw Brittney, walking downstairs, looking confused. She narrowed her eyes and she saw that I am crying, he hurriedly walk towards me and hugged me.

"What happened, sis? Why are you crying?" Brittney pushed a strand of hair off my face. "Did he hurt you? What did he tell you?"

"He doesn't remember." Tears rolling down my eyes. "He doesn't want to remember."

"What? That's not true. Maybe he's completely taken aback of whatever you have said, but sooner or later, he'll apologize and make it up to you, you'll see." Brittney assured and smiled at me.

"Yes, it's—it's true." My voice started cracking. "If only you saw his face awhile ago, he looked at me like I was a weird and crazy woman. He didn't believe me, he didn't listen. He stood up and left me crying. He never do that! He hates when I cry, he never left me crying like this. But now, it's completely different." I wailed, I couldn't contain the pain creeping down my heart. "He's completely different, Brittney."

Brittney just let out a sigh and hugged me.

"He's not the Ford that I have loved." I couldn't hold back my tears. I hiccuped. "He has changed. He told me he'll wait for me, Brittney, but he said, he's no longer waiting for someone. What does that mean?"

Brittney gaped, and suddenly her mouth shut. "Francine, I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" I asked, between my hiccups.

"Ford is already dating someone."

And that made the letter worthless.