The Aesthetics Of Waiting

CHAPTER 39 (Send Help)

I just couldn't contain the pain in my heart and how it throbs so fast. Why now? After so many months of not contacting me, many months of crying myself to sleep, many months of moving on and forgetting the love we used to have and many months of overthinking what went wrong.

I couldn't resist my tears coming out of my eyes. My heart is shattering all over the place. Is this pain comes from his words? Or from his broken promises that flashes back again to me?

Then now he will come back like nothing happened? That he broke up with his girlfriend because of me? Because he chose me?

Boys...

I thought we're done? All those promises, all those fights, all those begging times that I did. He told me he would wait. That when the time is right, he would be the person that deserves me. But all of those have broken when he found someone new.

I wiped my tears, took my phone and hopped out of my car. I sauntered to the front door and push the key to open the door. I removed my shoes and flopped on the sofa. I heaved a sigh and closed my eyes.

Should I call back?

I kept myself breathe slowly to calm down first before deciding to call him back because I don't want to say anything stupid again.

After more than five minutes of thinking, I dialed the number and it rang two times, then three.

He answered.

"I thought you wouldn't call." His voice were soft and gentle. I didn't say a word. "I was waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" I couldn' resist. My voice were shaking and my tears have fallen. "I was waiting for you!"

"I'm so sorry..." He muttered. "I will expl-"

"Explain what?" I said between hiccups. "You didn't shed a single time to ask me how I was, what's happening to me, or where would I be, Zach."

My heart keeps throbbing faster as my words from my heart keeps on flowing out of my mouth.

"You know what's hurting me?" I asked with anger in my voice. "You did the things to her that you didn't do to me when we were together! You didn't make any social media accounts, and you don't post on Instagram!"

He chuckled. Did I sound stupid? Don't blame me, I was jealous.

"Are you jealous?" I sense him smile.

"Ofcourse not!" I wiped my tears and sniffled. "It's just my hormones."

He giggled. "Hormones? It doesn't sound like hormones to me."

"Shut up." I said and sighed. "Why are you voicemailing me and telling me that you broke up with your girlfriend? As if I care." I rolled my eyes and sniffle.

"We were not for each other Francine." He said. "We were not compatible."

"How could you say that?" I asked and scowled.

"What I want is what she doesn't. What she want is what I don't want. We didn't go well with each other France, but she's very mature and understanding."

"But we were not also compatible with each other. We always fight over non-sense things, I am not matured enough and we don't understand each other."

"But you were my favorite incompatible person to be with. You were my favorite enemy, I love how immature you are at little things and I love how we keep on understanding each other even at impossible times."

My heart softened. I feel touched and appreciated. I didn't say a word, I just listened to his voice.

"I couldn't see anybody that deserves you, so I'm here, I'm coming back for you. To be the person that deserves you. I know it, this time it will be better. Please, trust me again." He said.

"Do you think it's that easy to bring it all back like before?" I said with a tinge of hurt in my heart. "You hurt me, you cheated on me, you broke your promises, remember?"

"Yes." He said. His voice were sad and hurting. "I didn't forget about that. Every single night I'm blaming myself. Before I go to sleep I keep on praying that if this was a dream, I want to wake up and come back to your arms again. I regret it, I didn't think about the things I have done before and if I were able to bring things back together, I would Francine."

I feel like hugging him right now. If only he's not away, I would give up this hardened feelings and bring things back together with him.

He continued. "The night that I have sinned, I wish it didn't happen. I wish I could bring things back together. I wish we talked it out, I wish we communicate so that the things that happened we were able to fix them." I heard him sniffled.

"Are you crying?" I asked.

"I'm hurting Francine." He said. "I feel like it's all my fault. I overthink, I need you right now. I can't do this alone, I miss you."

Zach's voice was so sincere and pleading. I didn't know that he was also overthinking about the past, that he was also blaming himself for what had happened to us. Did I hurt him for what I have said? Am I too straight forward? Am I too insensitive?

"I'm sorry Zach." I said. "Sorry that I made you feel this way. You didn't deserve it. It all started when I got jealous on you and Ella. I didn't know how to control myself when it comes to my feelings."

"It's fine." He muttered. "All that matters to me now is, if you'd forgive me for all I've done wrong. I'm sorry."

I heaved a sigh and smile. I didn't expect that it could feel this way. It was so relieving. "I forgive you, Zach. How could I not?"

He chuckled softly as if it relieved him too. "I didn't expect any forgiveness for what I've done my Fancine. But I know I'd beg for it because I don't want to let you go."

He called me 'my Francine' again... My heart...

A knock on my door broke the conversation between me and Zach.

"Hold on." I muttered.

I sauntered on the door and opened it.

It was Sky, holding a boquet of sunflower and a bottle of wine.

"Hi cupcake." Sky said and beamed a smile.

My heart raised like I was falling on a building, because Zach is still on the other line, he was listening. My mouth went on an "O" shaped and I blinked.

"Cupcake?" Zach asked with a tone of confusion. "Who is that?"

"Hey," Sky held my arm. "Are you alright?"

At this point, I'm torn.

Send help.