I Can't Take It Anymore

6. Not This Again

His eyes grew big as if he just seen a ghost. He knew that he was caught and I'm guessing it threw him off guard. "Kailyn? Why aren't you at school?"

I laughed at how nervous he seems, but I know from personal experiences that, that man knows nothing about fear. "I live here. What about you?" I gave him one of my original stank faces, while turning my attention to the woman beside him.

Donor gave me a glare before putting his attention to the woman. "Kailyn, this is my co-worker Veronica. She came to give me a hand since she's giving me a ride. My car is in the shop."

"A ride?" This man must really think that I am stupid. He literally has three cars all to himself while my mom has just one. So his explanation was just a bunch of bull and I'm not about to fall for it. "I'm having a hard time believing that she came here as just your friend. Am I right?" I asked, while being as arrogant as possible because I already know the answer.

His so called co-worker was now looking back and forth between the two of us. I don't want to come off rude to her because she may not know that he's a married man. However, at the end of the day she can't be that clueless. Or so I thought. "Um...Carter, I think I'm going to wait in the car," the lady said as if she was contemplating in whether or not she was staying or leaving. The donor of course nodded then brought his attention back to me.

"Who do you think you are? I don't know why think you can talk to me like that, but let me tell you something little girl-" He stopped while walking up to me. Slowly, I can hear his shallow breathe turn into increase of anger. "I will ruin you, now get out of my face." Suddenly, I was shoved making me lose my balance. This doesn't surprise me at all. Why? Because this is just a normal day being in the presence of the donor named Carter Monroe. As he grabbed the last of his things, I made myself get up and go upstairs. Have you ever felt like you weren't in control of anything? That's how I'm feeling right now. I feel that my life is out of control and I'm going to crash literally. Slowly, I feel myself dropping to the ground. I sat on the floor knees up and face knelt between them as a guard. Not this again, I can't take this. How do I tell my mom that her husband moved on? How do I tell her without getting both of us hurt. Just how?

Three hours later:

When mom finally came bursting into my room. I was already in bed. Suddenly she began to yell, "Kailyn! Kailyn!" She didn't say anything but only stared at me before backing out my room and heading towards her room. I'm not sure what's wrong with her now because it's always something. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to tell her about her husband. I honestly feel like it isn't my place, but then again she is my mom so my loyalty is to her. Because my donor doesn't deserve anything from me. Eyeing mom she's now on the ground on her knees, with tears strolling down her face.

"Is he really gone?" she asked, while she struggled to breathe from the constant tears. What am I suppose to do? Do I tell her about donor, or do I just comfort her. I swear I feel like I'm the adult in this house. Deciding that she already knew the truth, I sat in the floor next to her, while pulling her into a hug.

"Are you okay, mom?"

She quickly got out of my embrace to scowl at me. "You didn't answer my question, is he gone or not?"

If I'm being honest mom's attitude is throwing me off guard. Is she really getting mad at me because her sperm donor left her again? I can't believe her sometimes. I decided to nod, to keep from saying something out of anger.

"I'm sorry I yelled. I just never thought that he would pack his bags and leave for good."

My braveness began to get the best of me. Is she really complaining? "Isn't this a good thing." I shrugged feeling slightly irritated.

Mom rolled her eyes in annoyance, "How could you say something like that? We both know that once he leaves like this he'll return and we'll never know when he'll return. Not to mention that's my husband and your father."

Her words are making me roll my eyes out. That man has never been my father if anything he's just another man to me. In all honesty I look at him like I do to a stranger but at least I give them more respect unlike him. This is why I call him a donor because he holds no meaning to me.

"I think that you should get some rest. It's late. If you want, we can talk more about it tomorrow if you want. I don't think it's going to help you if we keep talking about it." she only nodded in response.

...

Now it's the weekend and once again I'm stuck in the house with nothing to do. While mom continues to stay in bed and cry over and over again. Since, the other day she still hasn't tried to talk, so I don't push her. With nothing else to do, my mind constantly wanders back to my donor. I know that I have to do something because even though he hasn't returned, he would be back soon.

The agony of him coming back has been affecting me more than usual. Every night I stay close to my window waiting for him. I think it's getting to mom too because when she wasn't in her room she was more hesitant than normal. Maybe donor was trying to haunt us, if so he's winning because nobody has time for this. Sitting on the couch snuggling up with my blanket, eating a bowl of popcorn I heard my name from upstairs. Every time I try to enjoy a day to myself without someone bothering me, people knew how to interrupt. Sighing I yelled back, "I'm right here, mom."

" I just wanted to see your face," she smiled.

Here she goes with that mushy stuff. "Why would you want to see my face?"

"Your face brightens my day..."

I only frowned trying to change the topic. "Are you doing better?" I asked, while already knowing the answer.

Mom sat up on the back of her massive king sized bed that filled half of her room she shared with donor. She looked tiny compared to the bed. "Explain the word better? " she asked jokingly.

I walked over to sit at the edge of the bed, while looking up at her eyes. They looked like she hadn't slept in days. "How are you feeling? Not just about what happened the other day, but you know how are you?"

"In that case, I'm fine. Just waiting for your dads return . I know it's coming cause I have this weird feeling."

I knew that I wasn't the only one to have that feeling. I'm beginning to freak out, but he can't do anything that he's already done.

"I think I'm going to go out ," she said, while getting up and walking to her closet. I can hear her rummaging through her clothes until the noise stopped. She re appeared in a track suit with a pair of Nikes. Walking to her vanity station, she reached for her brush. Putting her hair into a ponytail. I definitely get my hair from her since hers is so curly and crinkly. At even given time our hair texture likes to change within the humidity.

"Another walk around the block?" I asked preparing to walk out her room.

Nodding she grabbed her keys. "Yeah, I probably won't be back until later."

I left her be, while sighing. Many times, I had wished for my mom to stay and not leave, yet nothing has changed. You see in my family it's a tradition for the Monroe's to leave and not think twice about it. My grandfather Christian Monroe did the same to my grandmother Amber and donor. Then donor left my mom and me numerous times, but he always managed to comeback. However, it seems like my mom is starting to follow the tradition. So what am I next?