Favorite Mistake

FM 1

Sitting on the swing at the dimly lit park, I checked my watch, 4:30 p.m., 15 more minutes. I pushed myself to get the swing moving to relieve my boredom and to try to shut out the world around me.

Some people have passed me by in the past almost 1 hour that I have been here. Some have even threw weird glances at me, and some even dared snicker, thinking I am some love-struck teenager waiting for a forbidden meeting with her Romeo. As much as their judgments irritated me, I just curtly put my head down. They are right, well, partially right -- I am indeed waiting for my forbidden love -- except it's Juliet I'm waiting for and not a Romeo.

I sighed heavily, 10 more minutes. Why does time move so slow? I craine my neck to see any signs of my Juliet from the gates of her school, but still nothing. Getting off the swing, I kicked one stone harshly sending it out flying

The events of the past weeks have been creeping in my head no matter how much I try to shut it. Closing my eyes, I rubbed my eyes and forehead as I feel tears coming to fore.

I am 15 years old, currently in third year high school. People would say I am too young to fall in love. They say that I don't know anything about love. They were wrong, because 3 months ago, I fell in love, and I knew what it meant to be in love with Dennise Lazaro.

We met at camp for the under-17 Philippine volleyball team, I, from UST, and her from CSA. We were roommates, partners, bestfriends, confidante in that short 2 monts stay at the camp. We shared everything -- all our secrets, hopes, our dreams, and even our fears. Being around her was like breathing air, I craved her. Holding her hand made me feel whole. For the first time in my young life, I understood what love is.

Realizing that you're in love with your bestfriend is already scary, but add to it the fact that you are both girls brings it to disastrous levels. There can be no way that 2 girls can fall in love, people would say. It just can't be, it will never happen. So, for days and nights, I struggled with the guilt of being in love with her.

A few days before camp ended, I found her crying. I tried hugging her to comfort her, but she pushed me away. She was in pain... I was confused. Her tears and sobs let me know that she was in so much pain, but she couldn't get any words out. We were both crying. I screamed at her to just let me know what's wrong, and she pushed me. Once, twice, the third time, I hit the wall. There was so much anger in her eyes, it scared me.

And then she lunged, and kissed me.

My first kiss.

So, this is what it feels like.. All those books did not do justice to the reality of this moment.

Separating from the kiss, she put her head on my chest and resumed crying, "I'm sorry Alyssa. I know it's wrong, believe me I tried to stop it. I would stop if only I could, but I can't. I love you.." and she sat on the floor still sobbing.

I knelt im front of her and coaxed her to look up at me.

"That's your problem?" I asked

"I would understand if you would stay away.." She said in between sobs.

"Why would I stay away from the one who makes me feel all of these things?" She looked at me confused.

Grabbing her hands and pulling her to stand, "I love you Dennise. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you, I guess I was also scared."

She smiled, but then immediately frowned again, "so, what does this mean?"

I kissed her, this time, lovingly. "We're a couple, that is, if you want us to be."

"Yes" she smiled. And that has been the happiest that I have been in my 14 years of existence.

I recently had my birthday, turning 15, in love, and in a relationship with my first love. My life was perfect. Until a few weeks ago.

Den called me up one night, frantic. Her mom has found some of our love letters and has discovered our relationship. She was lectured on how wrong our relationship was and asked her to break it off. Her phone was confiscated and she was banned from seeing me; she only managed to escape and call me using her yaya's phone.

We cried, we promised we'd find ways to still fight for US. She asked me to trust her and just wait for her to contact me as to how we can see each other.

Last week, during one of our games for Shakeys Girl's league, I saw her from across the gym but she avoided me because she was with her mom. In the lockers, a girl approached me

"Hi, are you Alyssa Valdez?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Ella de Jesus, from St. James."

"Yah?" I was still wondering why she was talking to me.

"Well, anyway, my friend from CSA asked me to give this to you, I'll go ahead."

I opened the note that she handed to me and immediately smiled at seeing Den's handwriting.

Which is why I am here right now, right across her school, waiting for her dismissal.

Breaking from my thoughts, I slapped my arm where the mosquitos have been feasting on me.

I felt arms wrap around my waist and I instinctively closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. Oh, how I've missed her. I turned around in her arms to hug her. She then pulled me to a hidden corner in the park, away from the school.

"Hey," she said, smiling at me and leaning her head on my shoulder as we sat down on the bench.

"How's it been?" I asked

"Mom's still crazy, checking my stuff for any sign of you."

I kissed her hand, "I can't lose you"

She hugged my waist, still leaning her head. "Ly, I love you. Do you think that would be enough to get us through this?"

"I know it will be difficult Den, but please don't let me go."

Checking her watch "5 minutes" she sighed, "I need to be at the school bus soon."

"What time did you get here?"

"An hour ago" I replied, and I kissed her forehead. "But, it's worth it"

"I wish we can stay this way" she said, holding my hand tighter in her.

"Someday, they will understand. But until then, we just need to prove to them that this is real love"

We kissed, but soon after I had to let her go, afraid that we might get caught.

I watched her as she walked away, afraid that this might be the last time I'll see her, but holding on to her promise that we will see each other again.