Body And Soul: J.JK

47. open up

"We would talk about this eventually. So please don't avoid the topic again."

Again?
When did I avoid it again?
His voice interrupts my thoughts.

"It was your body language. A couple other times."
He can definitely read my mind. I fucking adore that.
He continues.

"Whenever I would say something genuine about your appearance you would freeze or get somewhat surprised. I would be stupid not to notice. Now, please talk to me"

Only one thing comes to my mind at this right moment. Since I'm too tired to explain this with the same words.
I need something more quick but still representative of my thoughts and feelings.
I speak as I start searching for my notebook. It's under my nightstand.
"A month ago, I wrote this small text, you could describe it as a poem I guess"

Once I'm done with the small introduction I grab my notebook and immediately find the page.
I look at him for one last time before I start reading.
He attempts to stand up. Probably to come closer, but my words stop him.

"Stay there please"
I need to concentrate. I need space to read this thing out loud. Having him next to me would make me feel, I don't know, uncomfortable.
It would make me feel stupid. It already does. After all the times he has expressed his opinion on how I look, I'm here ready to talk about the exact opposite opinion.
But it's my opinion. It's my opinion that matters on that's topic.
And he deserves to know.
He wants to know.
So I read.

"Your scent fills my lungs and I'm ready to explode with such power as the satisfaction is unbearable.

Could you please touch my flesh with your fingertips as if its angelic (?)
As if it's what you want it to be.
What you wish it is.

And then close your eyes and let your imagination control, take over your senses.
My skin, my scent, my everything.

Make it special.
Make it worth the feeling.
Make it worth the love.
The love you are giving to it.

Make. Me. Beautiful.

Because I can't."

A deep exhale leaves my lips as I lift my head from the notebook to look at his face.

"Is this exactly how you feel?"
He asks, his eyes more widely opened than usual. His tone soft.
He is trying to understand.

"The truth is that I exaggerated a bit to write this and I'm not feeling this way very often anymore"
I say.
"You're writing is beautiful"
Is this all he wants to say?
"Thank you so much"
I smile a bit. I like my writing sometimes too.
"Dont we both know that noone can "make" you beautiful except yourself?"
I knew he'd say that.
Everyone says that.
Because it's true.

"Of course we do. The fact that I know that, doesn't make the feeling go away though."
My hand is shaking a bit.
And he freaking notices.
"I just don't see it sometimes, you know?"
My head turns to my mirror.
Don't fucking cry.
I close my eyes shut trying to get myself together.
Do not break down in front of him.
It's stupid.

"What helps you when you think that way about yourself?"
He wants to say the right thing.
He is actually trying.
I'm not even sure why at this point.

"I'm seriously, very thankful for whatever you're trying to say or do right now. I want you to know that I appreciate everything that you do for me. Its amazing."
He exhales.
"Don't make this about me"
He is now standing up and I'm not doing anything to stop him.
He sits on the bed next to me.
Our backs and heads lean against the wall.
He offers me his hand to rest mine into.
I take the offer.
Slowly, I place my palm on top of his.
The feeling of his warm skin relaxes me.
The feeling of him relaxes me.
His head turns to face my side profile.
"Talk to me about you"

So that's what he actually meant.
I dont think I've ever done this properly.
Okay, here it goes.
"Umm...I like taking pictures of people and city streets. Mostly people because there is emotion. I like listening to music, writing down my thoughts, dancing, doing stuff that my parents wouldn't allow and spending time with you.
There is more but it doesn't matter, I've said enough."
"Sounds like the love of my life already"
I gasp very audibly.
What. The. Hell.
"Probably the most cliche and clingy thing I've ever said in my entire life but it's so true, I couldn't help it"
He defends himself when there is no need to.
I wont argue now, its tiring.
Let's just try and think simply.
"You're the love of my life too"
I admit.
I still cant look at him.
He laughs.
"I'm so sure you want to say so much more"
"I do, but it's not necessary. I feel much better already."
I tell the truth. He makes me forget all those silly and unhealthy thoughts about myself so easily.
I finally turn my head and look at his face.
His beautiful, huge, dark and full of emotion eyes pierce mine.
I wouldn't change that for the world.
Him looking at me with so much love and intensity that I stop breathing to focus fully on him.
And something in his look tells me that he is not done with me yet.
"Do you, though?"
He doubts.
Smartass.
"Yes-"
"Stand up"
He demands.
"Why?"
"You'll see"
I do as he says an stand up, staying in front of my bed as he doesn't move.

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Exams start in 2 days oof