Olivia
"Brilliant. Bloody brilliant lass!" Said steve as he placed a hand on my shoulder as the boys stood over the finished album cover. "Happy with it lads?"
"Love it"
"It's class yeah"
"This is amazing Olivia"
"You're quite talented"
Van didn't say anything but he didn't need to, he's been assuring me everyone will love it for the past few days so he just looked at me with a smug smile. I'm glad everyone liked it and the fact the album was out in just a few days with my work on the front of it was mad. Weird how the album was so close to its release date but they still had no album cover but they weren't like the strokes or the killers just yet so it didn't matter if they had to delay it. No doubt they'd be just as big as some of the biggest rock bands in the industry soon though.
Larry invited the boys all round to his for a few drinks and told Benji Liz was invited. I was about to ask whether I was going or not when Van took me by the hand and held me back away from everyone.
"Let's spend the night just us? I'm going away soon and I'll regret not spending time alone with you" he was holding both my hands and pouting so I obviously couldn't say no.
"God you're such a softie" I tease as we wave goodbye to the boys who jumped in the car off to Larrys.
The walk back to mine was quiet, the silence between us was never awkward or uncomfortable. I still didn't know what van saw in me, he was a soon to be famous rockstar and I was just a graphic designer who lives on her own because she didn't want to move back to Glasgow with her parents. However sometimes I think we're really similar, we've got the exact same taste in music and our fashion sense is pretty similar. All the trendy girls wear short skirts and high heels and the boys all wear ill-fitting jeans and hoodies with a pair of ruined trainers but Van wore skinny jeans with ankle boots and a (usually) black top, I didn't see the point in having every inch of my skin on show so I usually opted for a pair of jeans and a band t-shirt.
"9 more days Liv. Only 9 more days" He says with a slightly disheartened look on his face.
"You act like you're moving to like New Zealand or summet, I'll come see you on tour Van" I did my best to try and reassure him but he still wore the same look on his face.
"Steve said we won't have a chance to be home for at least 3 months and when we do come home it won't be for long, a week or two at most. We'll be busy for the next year at least." We stopped walking and Van turned to face me and the streetlights were hitting him from all the right angles making him look amazing.
"We'll make it work, if that's what you want" Watch him turn round and tell me that he doesn't want to carry on the way things are going and just forget what we had. I placed my hand on the bottom of his face and usually his face would light up when I did but this time I got nothing.
"I want to love you Olivia" finally his bright blue eyes moved from the ground and looked at me, I've not seen him like this before. "But I don't think I can"
'I don't think I can'. Five words have never hit me as hard as this. I'm so confused, 20 minutes ago he was telling me that he didn't want to regret not spending time with me. What did that even mean?
"What? Van what are you saying?" I stepped back and the panic came and hit my like a ton of bricks. I was praying that it wasn't what I thought, Van showed me that not all men are like my ex and I thought he actually liked me and he would want to eventually be together officially and stuff.
"I'd love you but I need a year alone"
My thoughts were solidified, they weren't just thoughts they were real life. The sadness on,y lasted a couple seconds and the a wave of frustration came over me. He made me feel like he really liked me, came into my life showing me that not all men are trash and the minute we announce our feelings for each other he abandons me. He made me feel like I wasn't all alone and then he does something like this.
"Liv say something please" his eyebrows raised and he sounded hurt.
"We are literally on route to my house where you wanted to go and spend the night alone. What changed so fast?" I ask as my eyes begin to fill up, I was frustrated and angry more than sad.
"Nothing I just think..."
"You made me think you were different Van, I really believed it for a second. Turns out you're just like the rest" I turn around and start to walk away in the direction of my house when his hand reaches for my arm and spins me back round to face him. By now a few tears had escaped my eye and I didn't even care.
"Liv I.." he paused and let out a sigh. "Anything you need at anytime just phone me okay?" He was really saying goodbye, not caring or responding to what I even said. This was it, all for nothing and the goodbye I was getting felt like a half arsed 'see you mate'.
"Enjoy your year alone Van" I walked off away from him as more tears rolled down my face.
How did he change his opinion so fast in such a short space of time. I'm so mad at him, I thought he was different, thought he cared about me but he didn't. He was just like every other boy who just pretended to care for me. Maybe if I wasn't so careless I would've noticed. He came to me when I was absolutely broken and had nobody to turn to, he showed me he was that person I could turn to. Lies. I should've just left him there that night I seen him.
