Van
My alarm wakes me up just before twelve so that I've got enough time to shower and pack up my things in time. It's rushed but I make it down to the bus in time with a banging head from last night. I can remember falling out with the boys last night over something stupid so it's only right I apologise when I see them. When I'm drunk and stop drinking I just get moody which isn't a good combination.
"Sorry for getting annoyed last night lids, yous are my brothers I shouldn't have stormed off from yous" They all smile at me with a look of forgiveness, I feel relieved.
"Don't worry about it. Have you been on your phone this morning?" Larry asks sounding slightly concerned. Fuck. I still haven't replied to Livs message from last night, poor girl probably thinks I hate her.
"Van..." Bob notices me feeling about my pockets urgently trying to find my phone and when I pull it out I realise they're all staring at me with an awkward look on their faces.
"Someone's got pictures of you last night with the blonde bird and the posts been liked by Olivia" At first I'm confused, why does it matter if Olivias liked it? Nobody's going to suspect that we're a couple or anything but when Bondy passes me his phone and I scroll through the pictures I'm hit with the memories from last night and my heart drops. I thought they were worrying about Liv liking it in case people found out she's my girlfriend but that's not even close as to why they were panicking.
"Fuck. Fuck sake" I run my hands through my hair and give the seat opposite me on the bus a little kick with frustration.
Those pictures aren't what they look like but who's going to believe that? Definitely not Olivia, especially due the fact she struggles to trust people as it is. What the fuck was I doing? I don't think I've had a conversation lasting more than five minutes with a girl because it doesn't feel the same when it's not my girlfriend but what the fuck was wrong with me last night. Her hands on my thigh and I didn't even look like I was phased. Fuck sake.
Time seems to pass by too quickly when you're over thinking. It's now 6PM and we're in France, the whole journey was spent just thinking about what happened and what I can say to Liv. We don't have a gig tonight so the boys head out for a few pints in the hotels bar but I tell them I'm staying in the room cause I need to speak to Liv which they're glad about.
My phones in my hand, getting tossed from my left to my right as I contemplate what to say. I never even replied to her message from last night and knowing her she probably thinks I went out and pulled some bird cause I was raging. Deep down she knows that's not me but that's all her ex would ever do to her and with the amount of time she's had to sit and battle her own thoughts I expected it. Fuck it. I just press her name and hear the phone ringing while my nerves have got me pacing back and fourth in between the two beds.
"Hello?" Her voice is quiet and there's not an ounce of excitement in her voice like there normally is when she answers the phone to me.
"Olivia I'm sorry, I don't know where to start I-"
"Why now? Why now Van? I've been waiting for you to text me back since last night and instead of finding our from you I find out from a fan account" I can't see her but I know she's probably sat with tears streaming down her face and I can hear it in her voice.
"Liv baby, we were just speaking and I was so drunk. Olivia I promise nothing happened sweetheart, we didn't kiss. Bondy dragged me away when he seen someone taking pictures cause he knew how bad it would look but even if he didn't nothing would happen because I love you" I know she loves being called sweetheart or baby or any other pet names that aren't dehumanising so I chuck them in where ever I can.
"I'm not arguing with you over the phone Van, you'll be home in less than two weeks let's sort it then okay?"
"What'd you mean? We can't just leave it like this for a week and a half darling."
"Give me space, I just want some space"
"Space? Olivia-"
"Van. We'll talk when you're back"
The end of call sound hits me before I can say anything and I lob my phone across the room in a fit of rage. Look what I've done, pushed her away for the second time now. Maybe she'd be more understanding and want to listen to me more if I hadn't been such a dick leading up to last night. What I did last night was shit, I admit that i should've been more thoughtful but I've missed her so much to the point I'm so frustrated. When she doesn't text me before 6PM I just assume she's not eaten and doesn't want to keep going how she is, which is so shitty of me yet she put up with it. When she doesn't answer my calls first time I assume she's too busy to speak to me which is also shitty because half the time I wouldn't answer her calls first time either yet she wouldn't say anything.
Well done me, now I've got to spend the last week and a half of the tour punishing myself for making my girlfriend want a week and a half of not speaking to me. Good one.
