Van
I get through the front door in my childhood home to both of my parents standing at the front door, wrapping their arms round me the second I get in. Makes me emotional, it's been so long since I've been home and now I'll be home for about two and a half months so I'll finally be able to chill. Unfortunately I won't be able to chill until I've sorted things out with Liv. We've not spoke in almost two weeks while I finished the tour and it's really been taking its toll on me, I've felt horrible. I'm supposed to be the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with and show her that she deserves to be treated like an absolute queen and I've done such a shit job if it while being away.
Normally I'm quite a fast walker but the closer I get to Olivias the slower I walk. What can I even say to her at this point, she probably hates me. I hate myself. Her living room light is on meaning she's definitely in, it's a Sunday so she won't be working although it wouldn't surprise me if she's working anyway. Once I pluck up the courage to ring her door bell I run my hand through my hair and stand up straight, I don't want her to think I look a shambles as I'm already punching enough as it is.
Olivia opens the door and I can tell she's surprised by the fact I'm standing at her door at 9PM. Maybe I should've brought flowers or something like the boys do in films. After a couple seconds of her looking at me with a shocked look on her face she gives me a hug, but it's a 'welcome back' kind of hug, not a 'I've missed you and I don't want to let you go' kind of hug. It was something though, if she hated me I don't think she would've done that. I follow her through into her living room and I sit down in the corner of the couch, she sits in the opposite side after offering me a cup of tea to which I said no.
"I think the best way for us to sort this is just for you to say everything you want to say and then I'll clear things up or whatever. I don't want to argue with you Olivia I'd rather we just say what we're thinking, is that fine?" I ask nervously, Liv respond by nodding her head and taking a deep breath.
"Okay so basically I just wanted some space till you were back so we could do this face to face and I feel like I've really been annoying you so I felt like having some space would be beneficial to you. I don't know what happened with that girl but I won't lie, it did make me upset. Just because you seemed annoyed at me and the next thing I know is you're getting cosy with someone who is the complete opposite of me; long blonde hair and long tanned legs. I don't know, just worried me that maybe you're sick of me and would rather be with a tall blonde girl but I don't even know your side of the story" You can tell in the way she acts that she's holding back tears, so was I.
I could feel the pain in her voice which reminded me of the second night when I came round with flowers to thank her and she told me all about her ex. That night Olivia was so hurt because I think that's when she realised it was actually over. It hurt me to hear that the reason she wanted space was because she thought I was sick of her, it hurt me even more to hear her perspective on the whole scandal that caused this anyway. There's nobody else I can see myself with and Liv is the most beautiful woman I know and she's probably spent the last week and a half criticising herself because of me. She's so insecure which actually breaks my heart because I wish she knew how beautiful she is.
"Olivia I'll never get sick of you. I just started missing you so much I was so frustrated with everyone but that's no excuse. Liv I was so drunk that night but I promise you nothing happened, theres no way I could ever do that to you Olivia. I'd honestly get down on one knee right now if that showed you how much you mean to me but I want to wait obviously. There's not one person I'd rather be in love with and I know I've done a shit job of being a good boyfriend but knowing I could lose you due to me being stupid again breaks my heart." When I look up and there's a single tear running down Livs cheek that she tried to hide. "I'm so sorry Olivia. I'm not asking for you to forgive me or anything but-"
I'm interrupted by her arms swinging round me, tighter than they've ever been before. Once I realise what's happening I hug her back a few of Livs tears land on my shoulder. I'm actually fighting to not get emotional myself, planting several kisses on her head with my arms wrapped around her waist. She's been treated so badly by her ex and then I break her heart, yet she'll still swing her arms round me when I say sorry which made me realise I need to do better. Livs too nice and too forgiving, people just walk all over her and I need to prove I'm not like that.
"I've missed you" her quiet voice whispers,
"I've missed you too darling, so much" My grip around her waist tightens, not wanting to ever let her go again.
As my arms are wrapped around her body I can't help but notice that she's definitely lost weight over these past two months but I couldn't tell whether it's just cause she's wearing her dressing gown or something. When she said she wanted space I didn't ask her if she's eaten or anything because I didn't know if she'd want me to but I was praying she'd be okay, part of me knows that she'd be fine without me checking up on her but there's still doubt there. If she fell back into old patterns I know that it's my fault but I'm not bringing it up just now, not when we've finally patched things up and she doesn't totally hate me.
