Van
"You're Just like the rest" A sentence that has been replaying in my head for the past 10 minutes while I walked to Larrys. I was probably going to get shit from them as they really liked her but I had the feeling Bob and Bondy were going to be the ones who were most annoyed with me.
"Thought you were going to livs?" Larry opened the door and I walked in, picking up a beer and sitting back on the couch without realising how I looked. "What's wrong with you lover boy?"
"I just ended things with Olivia" I could feel everyone's eyes burning into my head, all shocked at what I've just said. All I was sharing was thank god Liz wasn't there, she'd probably start having a go at me.
"Why?" Benji and Larry looked at me confused however Bondy looked more annoyed and Bob looked disappointed.
"We're literally going to be on the road for a year straight"
"Me and Liz aren't finishing Van, you've just got to make it work"
"It's easier to just leave it"
"Since when did Van go for the easy option?" Larry joked, clearly not the right time for jokes. He stood up and asked Benji to go and help him do whatever the promised his mum he'd do meaning that I was left alone with Bondy and Bob.
"You realise that poor girls going to be heartbroken Van, she told me she was alone and had pretty much nothing but her job until you showed up and now you've ripped it all from her" Bondy was surprisingly calm, I expected him to be much more angry.
"Av not seen you so happy about a girl ever and you do this? Fuck sake Van. You do realise this makes you look like a right prick? She'll be thinking you were just taking advantage of her. She'll think we all were, got her to do our album cover and then bin her off" Bob was annoyed, I know he cared about me but fucking hell nobody seemed to care about my point of view.
I was fed up fo them all having a go at me for doing what I did so I just left larrys and went home. My mum and dad weren't in so I didn't need to worry about them asking me questions. "You're Just like the rest" the hurt in her voice when she said it made me feel so guilty, I cared about her I really did but she's too good for me and everyone knows it. How were we ever going to last long distance?
Olivia is an amazing person, she's so good natured and I knew that from the very first day I met her when she patched up my lip and took me home because she didn't want me lying in the middle of the pavement. She's a beautiful girl, she doesn't see it but she's absolutely stunning, inside and out. Even the littlest of things she does is enough to make anyone fall in love with her, the way that when she's holing your hand she'll move her thumb up and down your hand, the way she'll smoke your shitty ciggys just because she likes your company and there's so much things she does that drives me crazy. Seeing photos of her and her niece made my heart melt, I wish I could've spent more time with her to see them together as I'm sure she'd be great with kids. She'd be a great mother.
Thats the problem, how was I supposed to be okay when I'm half way across the country without her? All I wanted was for her to like me back so we could be happy together but now that I got it I realised things would be much more difficult. She deserved the world and I couldn't give it to her, she deserves to have someone in her life who can look after her, spend every day with her and someone that will settle down with her. That someone clearly wasn't me.
She probably thinks I changed my mind too quickly but I didn't change my mind at all. I still have the strongest feelings for her and I will for a while. It's just when we were walking back and everything seemed so perfect, everything was just set into perspective and I realised I was never going to be the man I wanted to be or the man that she deserved.
-Olivia-
Empty. The only work that described how I'm feeling, lying in bed wide awake staring at the roof. I felt so stupid. That night Van came round with flowers to thank me for helping him the night before and we sat and spoke about our exes all night because I was just getting over Scott was for nothing. I sat there and told him how Scott took advantage of me and how he turned all of the people we were friends with against me and Van was there to save the day, inviting me to meet his friends who I really got on with, showing me that not all guys are arrogant pricks who only think of themselves. We spent so many days just in my house chilling, I'd be working away in the corner while he'd sit watching the telly, I'd be working on the album cover for his album.
I was so so so stupid to think he actually liked me. It made sense I guess. As soon as he got the album cover for the album that's pretty much going to change his life he fucks off out of mine leaving me high and dry. He really made me believe he liked me, even just the little things like him always putting his arm out so we could link arms when we're walking or him always looking at me smiling. I want to believe that it was real I really do but I don't even know anymore. If it was real how was he able to change his mind so quickly? We were going to be going out to Larrys but instead he asked if we could spend time together instead. 10 minutes later it's "I'd love you but I need a year alone" and his true colours came shining through.
For the first time in ages I was happy, genuinely happy. I understand that we weren't like boyfriend and girlfriend but I thought I was worth a better goodbye than "I'd love you but I need a year alone but phone me if you want"
