Olivia
I love him. I love Ryan Evan Mcann and theres no way I could ever leave him. He's the man I've always wanted. The grip he had around my waist while I had my arms wrapped around him was enough to let me know how glad he was to be there. After we got over the whole 'I forgive you and I love you and I've missed you and you're the only one I want to be with' he told me all about the tour. Although I've heard most of it through a phone call or FaceTime I still loved hearing about it. He's so happy and passionate when he speaks about what he does, you can tell how grateful he is.
"Tired?" He asks in response to a yawn escaping my mouth.
"A bit, you can stay if you like but I'm working tomorrow" I offer, hoping he decides to spend the night here so I can fall asleep next to him for the first time in about two months. His arms is always a place I feel safe. Van always says that home isn't a place, it's a feeling and I always feel at home when he's near.
"C'mon then I'm shattered" Says Van as a smile forms on his face.
When he stands up his arms stretch above his head before reaching out to me. I pull myself up using his hand but he doesn't let it go, he doesn't let go until we're upstairs. Under my dressing gown I'm wearing one of vans t-shirts and a pair of shorts which you could hardly see for the length of the top. Despite the fact we weren't talking, I still missed him and clung on to everything that reminded me of him. His eyebrows raise and a smug looking grin appears on his face as he notices what I'm wearing.
"You're beautiful" Van chucks his jeans over the chair in the corner of the room at his side of the bed, climbing in to escape the cold.
One arm is sitting just between my shoulder and my head so that it's not uncomfortable and the others loosely wrapped around my waist, his fingers tracing patterns on my back. The room is cold but the heat from vans body is enough to keep me warm.
"It's almost been a year since we met, in fact I'm pretty sure this time in a couple days you'd be out on a walk at a silly hour and then you'd bump into me passed out on the pavement" The little chuckle that escapes his mouth when he mentions him being passed out on the pavement makes me smile, his dimple pops when his face moves which is adorable.
"and look at us now." I smile back
"Mad aint it" His lips meet my forehead head, placing a delicate kiss.
I feel myself drifting off in vans arms but when I look up at him he's already asleep. How he still looks perfect when he's sleeping I'll never know. I don't fall asleep easily like Van does, I suppose that's what touring the country does to you though. However as much as it tires him out I know there's nothing in the world that'll be able to stop him from doing it and that's just what I love about him.
"Liv?" He groans with his eyes still closed.
"I thought you were asleep" I say back quietly.
"Are you alright? Really alright? Cause you know you can talk to me about anything or you can talk to Larry or Bondy, any of us will listen to you love you know that yeah?" Asks Van, taking his finger up and down my back which is when panic sets in.
"Course I'm alright I-"
"Have you been eating?" This time he speaks he perks himself up on his elbow to look my straight in the eye, as if there wasn't enough anxiety about this whole conversation. When I swallow the lump in my throat and go to tell him yes, I get the feeling that action alone was enough of an answer for him as he lets out a disappointed sigh.
"Olivia, have you been eating enough?" He asks again, this time in a way that a school teacher would when they're giving you in trouble and you know that lying to them is impossible.
I know he can see right through me at this point, that's why I just reluctantly shake my head to answer his question before burying my face straight back in my hands to prevent any tears from falling. His hand gives my back a gentle rub but as soon as I sniff I know it's game over and hiding my face in my hands was never going to get me out of this. However Van swiftly taking me straight into his arms made it feel as if it wasn't going to be a completely horrible talk.
"It's okay sweetheart, it's not your fault Liv" He whispers as he holds me in at his chest that little bit tighter. "I should've just checked on you, I knew I should've" the disappointment in his voice only makes it worse because I know he's angry at himself for something I have done and that's not fair.
"It's not your fault either Van-" A few tears have splashed down onto his chest which I quickly wipe away but not quick enough for him to not notice.
"I should've checked on you Liv, theres no arguing with that one. Please stop darlin', I'm not angry at you or anything"
"I'm angry at myself."
"Olivia these things happen, come on we'll talk in the morning yeah? Stop being so cruel to yourself sweetheart" he whispers, lying himself back down with me still in his arms as he runs a hand through my hair.
A/N
Long awaited update, so sorry it took so long X
