Twisted Fate (TS1)

Kabanata 28

listen to the song while reading :)
_____________

When the heart is broken, is there a cure for all the pain that it caused? Will there be enough answers for all the questions that were left hanging? Could someone tell you the effective ways how to move on? Can the tears erase all the doubts and wounds that scarred your heart to the point that you just wanted to forget everything at once?

Because I'm so lost. I'm in so much pain. I'm drowning with doubts and insecurities. I'm a live but I'm barely breathing, and that's the hardest part of all because I just want to stop everything.

I heard a knock on my door before someone opened it. I immediately closed my eyes, pretending to sleep before someone could see me awake.

"Czai...",  mom's soft voice filled my bedroom together with the sound of something being put carefully on a table. I was facing my back on her as I felt her held my shoulder gently, "My love, wake up so you could eat your lunch. You haven't eaten your breakfast", she continued tapping my shoulder while caressing my hair.

I opened my eyes, tired and swollen from crying, I was just staring blankly on the empty side of my bed.

"Please eat your lunch, Czai. Ilang araw ka nang hindi kumakain nang maayos. Simula nung umuwi tayo dito, hindi ka na lumalabas ng kwarto mo. Hindi ka na kumakain, magkakasakit ka niyan, anak", she continued caressing my hair but I stayed still because I'm being so empty inside. Everything is just so painful that my heart just wanted to give up.

"I'll eat later, Ma", I'm not sure if she could understand what I'm saying because my throat felt so dry, "I just want to be alone, please"

"But you also said that earlier, pero di mo naman kinibo ang pagkain mo. Please get up, kahit konti lang kumain ka. I'll leave you alone once you're done eating".

I sighed. Wala na akong nagawa nang tulungan ako ni Mama na umupo. She helped me eat because my hands were shaking maybe because of too much hunger that I couldn't feel at all. Funny how I couldn't feel hungry but I could still feel all the pain caused by him.

My mom was true to her words because she left me in my room right after I ate my lunch. I smiled bitterly to myself as I watched myself on the mirror inside the bathroom after I brushed my teeth, "Why can't all people be true to their words? Why didn't he become true to his words? He told me he wouldn't hurt me, but why is he hurting me so much right now?"

I looked up to prevent the tears from falling but the pain inside was just too powerful because no matter how much I forced myself not to cry, the tears still freely flowed down my cheeks down to my neck. I harshly wiped them away, turning on the faucet and letting water to flow on my face to erase these stupid tears.

Days went by like a dejavu because I always have the same scenario everyday. I'd wake up with a heavy heart and swollen eyes, I'd forced myself to eat because my mom wouldn't left my room without me munching on my food that she cooked, I'd take a bath while crying so hard, I'd cry in front of the mirror, I'd sleep with pain I'm keeping inside, and the damn cycle continues.

My parents would always visit me in my room as well as Cariza, who's spending her time to study with me on my bed, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to them. My college friends except for Shi, Frankie, Mariz and even Fel, who apologized to me but I kept silent the whole time, visits me every chance they could have. But none of them caught a word from me. I'm just too tired to talk, I'm too exhausted to listen. I just want to be alone.