Saving Her

Chapter 17

Shawn's POV

When I arrive back at Toronto General I give a small wave to Tiffany who is working the desk tonight.  She weakly smiles back and I can see in her eyes, this is just as hard for her to comprehend as it is for me. 

When someone you care about goes through something unexpected and traumatizing, you feel like your world is turned upside down.

Toting a bag full of takeout in one hand and a small gift for Camila in the other, I enter her room only to be met with an empty bed.  I stop dead in my tracks.  The beds been made up, the machines have been cleaned and look like they have never been used.  There is no sign of the bag of clothes my mom Karen had grabbed for Camila.  Camila, Sinu and Sofi are no where to be found.

I start to panic. 

My palms get sweaty, my heart rate increases and my stomach drops.  I feel like I could pass out at any moment.

Oh god.

Assuming the worst, I collapse to the ground.  The takeout explodes all over, causing quite the mess.  I can't believe something happened to her and no one told me.  Stupid Shawn, you just hand to go and give Andy a piece of your mind!  She needed you and you weren't there, and now she could be gone. 

Idiot.

I'm about to have a full blown breakdown when a large man peeks his head in the door.  His name tag says "Ron" and I recognize him as one of the hospital security officers.

"Detective Mendes?  You okay son?" He asks as he steps into the doorway.

"I....I don't...she was just here when I left her.  I wasn't.....I wasn't gone that long!" I can't find my words.  Here I am lying on the ground, panicking and thinking the worst.

"Son, didn't they tell you?" He says, a look of concern on his face.

Oh god no.  Don't say it! Please don't say it!

"They moved her into a bigger room.  She's had quite the crowd of visitors and even though we don't normally allow a herd of people into patient rooms, she's family.  Ale would want us all to take care of her."

I let out a huge sigh of relief.  Oh thank goodness!

Ron lets out a small laugh and walks forward to help me get off the floor.  He tells me to leave the mess of takeout on the floor and he'll come have housekeeping clean it up.  I feel bad, but he reminds me I'm here to see Camila.

He walks me to her new room and I'm met with quite a few faces, but no Camila.  I don't think my heart can handle this again.  Aaliyah spots me standing in the doorway half covered in what was our takeout, holding the gift for Camila in my other hand.  She must sense I'm frightened and comes walking towards me.

"Hey bro, she's just at therapy.  You can breathe now." She tells me, wrapping her arms around me, holding me tight.

Gosh, I love my sister.

I release the breath I didn't even know I was holding and walk further into the room, following her to give my mom and Sinu a hug.  I decide I'm not going to tell anyone where I was.  I'm sure they can figure it out on their own.  My dad Manny gives me a look I can't quite read, and proceeds to hand me a small bag. 

"Figured you wouldn't have had a chance to stop at home for a change of clothes." He says.

Grateful to be rid of these clothes, I excuse myself to the bathroom down the hall and change.  I catch my reflection in the mirror.  I look like crap.  My curls are all over the place.  One side is matted from sleep and my eyes look bloodshot. My skin is paler than normal, but no where near as pale as Camila's was when I first saw her.  I can't stop the images that flash before me, and for the first time since this all started, the true weight of what has happened hits me like a speeding train.  I can't cry though, I don't have tears left for that.  Shaking my head, I compose myself and am determined from here on out I need to take care of myself in order to be able to help take care of her.

Quickly washing my face with cold water, I take a couple deep breaths and exit the bathroom.

When I arrive back at Camila's room, a new person has joined the crowd.  She introduces herself as Camila's therapist. She proceeds to tell us that although it's good for Camila to have so many people in her corner, literally and figuratively, part of her healing process needs to be done alone.  Limited visiting hours are established for the time being and only two people are allowed to see her at a time.  I don't like it, but I understand it.  It's bad enough everyone on this unit knows Mila, she doesn't need to feel suffocated by all the sad faces and sympathies.

The therapist then proceeds to turn to me.

"Are you Shawn?" She asks expectantly.

"Yes" I answer, confused as to why she asked.

"We can't seem to get Camila to come back to her room.  That was the original reason why I came here was to get you, but I was met with your family and hers and needed to set the ground rules for the time being" she replies looking at me solemnly.

"Is she okay?" I ask, panicked.

"Physically she is okay.  Emotionally, mentally; she's going to be hurt for quite a while.  Resistance is not uncommon as patients try to establish some sort of self control again."  She says.

"So what do I need to do?" I ask.

"Follow me Detective Mendes.  I have a feeling you're the only one that can help in this case.  She's already mentioned you were the one that found her and we've established your the one she feels safest with.  Unusual to me, but I can see it her eyes, and I can see it now in yours.  You have a special bond.  I'm going to need you to remember that as things change and progress for her."

Nodding, I follow her down the hall to the therapy room.  It's painted in warm pinks, oranges and yellows.  Kind of like a sunrise.  There are various comfy places to sit and many things like stress balls, pillows etc...that a person can use to keep calm.

I don't immediately see Camila, but when I do my heart breaks.  She's sitting in the corner of the room on a bright yellow bean bag, curled with her head in her knees.  Her hairs been braided into a single braid and she's been changed into soft pink hospital scrubs. Stepping forward I kneel in front of her.  She's shaking and I can tell she's been crying.

"Camila?  Camila honey it's Shawn."  I don't reach for her yet.

"Can you look at me Mila?"

With that she lifts her head and I'm met with her beautiful eyes.  Tears escaping, she looks just as broken as when I left her.

"Can I touch you?  Your therapist said you needed me" I tell her, hesitant to go any further.

All I get in response is a small nod.  She reaches one of her hands out and places it on my arm.  Gripping firmly, she signals she wants to get up. I gently grab under her shoulders to help lift her up and in seconds I can feel her wanting to collapse.

Quickly I pick her up and carry her bridal style back to her room; her head tucked into my neck and her arms wrapped around me, holding on for dear life.