Saving Her

Chapter 57

TW: Mentions/flashbacks of r**e

It's been about a week since Shawn surprised me with the sweetest 6 month anniversary surprise ever. I still can't get over the thumbprint heart saying he gave me which is now proudly hanging on the wall above our bed.

The last week has been amazing. Shawn is doing better at work, he's still not back to full time, or back in the field yet, but his therapist said after a few more sessions he could try it and see what happens. Our couples therapy is also going really well. Now that I'm being more open with myself, in all aspects, it's really allowing Shawn and I to get closer than we ever have.

I still haven't gone back to work yet, but Tiffany keeps me updated as much as she can about the going's on, and she says that her and Brian are doing very well! They literally make the second cutest couple I've ever seen; behind me and Shawn of course.

I'm also extremely grateful that I haven't had any significant flashbacks. I know that there's always going to be that chance that something will hit me when I least expect it. This scares me to think about because a big part of me wants to go further with Shawn and I'm afraid that one night we will be in the middle of making passionate love and I'll have to stop because all I see is Andy. That thought alone scares the living hell out of me. I know that Shawn is not Andy and I know that Shawn would never hurt me; but it's a fear that sits in the back of my mind that I won't ever be able to enjoy sex again because I was raped.

I brought this fear up with my therapist today and she told me that I can't let my fear dictate what I want or how I act. That I need to just do what I want and see where things go. Shawn is so gentle and understanding, that she reassured me, if we wanted to cross that line in any way, we should go ahead and do it and see what happens; but to go into it positively and excited that we are taking one of the next steps in our relationship and overall healing.

I'm currently sitting with Sofi on the couch watching TV, my head on her lap as she gently plays with my hair. I'm really grateful for her, and mama.. I know this hasn't been easy for either one of them as well; especially watching Shawn and I go through some tough things.

"I'm glad you and Shawn made up." She whispers.

"What?" I ask because I couldn't hear her.

"I said, I'm glad you and Shawn made up." She repeats.

"Me too." I hum as she continues to run her fingers through my hair.

"Have you guys been more open with each other? I know you said therapy has been going really well for both of you..." she asks and let's the last part linger like she might want to say more.

"Yeah we have been. I feel like we're always going to have some hurdle to jump, but that's just the nature of the beast. Ya know?" I say.

"Yeah... I know what you mean." She sighs. "I'm just happy that you're happy and he's happy and you're still together, I can't believe it's been 6 months, his gift was the sweetest!" She smiles, then turns kind of serious again. "I don't think I could live knowing you two weren't together." She says sadly.

"Oh sis, I love him too much to give up on him. And if we ever did break up, he's always going to be there for us still. You and mama for sure!" I say sitting in an upright position now, looking her in the eyes. "He's not going anywhere Sofi!" I smile at her and she smiles back.

"Good!" She relaxes.

"So....have you guys....ya know?" She asks wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at me.

"SOFI CABELLO!" I screech, my cheeks turning a dark red as I stare at her in shock.

"What?! It's a valid question! I mean...you won't know until you try whether or not it's going to trigger anything." She shrugs like it's nothing.