Saving Her

Chapter 21

Shawn's POV

Living with the Cabello girls has been great so far. There's never a dull moment. I'm either always helping mama with something around the house or Sofi with her homework. I graduated top of my class before I went off to the police academy so you could say I'm pretty smart. But I gotta say, this new way of doing math with boxes and carrying to one....ewwww....when did 2+2 stop just equaling 4?!

Anyways, things have been good at my new home and I'm glad.

Work continues to be tough. We've had an uptick in cases lately and being around it so much has really started to eat at me. The nights I'm not sleeping with Sofi and Mila, I'm in bed alone crying or fighting sleep because when I close my eyes, all I see is Camila tied to that bed, half alive. It's starting to get harder to live with because I could have saved her, I should have saved her before anything went wrong. I knew in my head that Andy was a dick and I let it go because she seemed to really like him.

One night Sinu must have come home late from a night out with her friends because I heard a soft knock on my door followed by her tiptoeing to the side of my bed. It was one of my more sleepless nights and I was fighting back the tears when she came and sat at the foot of my bed.

"Mijo? Shawn? Are you okay?" In the darkness of the night, the concern was still evident in her voice and I could tell her brows where furrowed with worry.

"Yes mama I'm fine, you should go to sleep." I said trying to hide my anxiety and tear streaked face.

"No my boy, you're not. I can tell when something is wrong. Your mother and I spoke about you this evening. We are worried about you."

Sitting up in my bed, I hung my head.

"It's not something I want to talk about now. I promise I'm okay mama" I say, trying to reassure her that I'm fine.

"I still don't believe you dear. I know you don't want to talk to me, but you need to talk to someone. Connor, Brian....anyone" she says, squeezing my hand before sighing and leaving my room.

The rest of that night was a blur, but I knew she had a point, I'm just to stubborn to listen. Therapy is mandated for us as detectives after all traumatic cases...yes some are more traumatic than others, but I just can't bring myself to talk about what I saw. A part of me feels like if I say something than I'm weak and when I'm weak I'm off my game. I can't let anyone see how this is really affecting me, I'm Detective Mendes, one of the best on Toronto SVU.

However, the boys can tell something is off with me, but I've been pushing it aside. It's already hard enough when Camila comes home after a hard therapy session and sobs in my arms. Admitting that I'm still hurting, hurting for her, hurting because I couldn't protect her...it's not something I can do. I have to stay strong for everyone, because they need me.

The only thing that's saving me is the little looks I exchange with Camila in the kitchen, or noticing how her cheeks and her chest blush a deep red when she sees me without my shirt on. The big hugs and the small kisses on the cheek she gives me are all I need right now. I don't need people to worry about me. I need people to focus on Camila.

I can still save her. I'm not the one that's broken.

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Hmmmm..... Shawn, what are you doing? You don't have to be Superman all the time... 😕🥺

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