Saving Her

Chapter 51

Shawn's POV

Therapy kicked my ass today. Brian came with me because he needed to talk about the night before as well, but then I did a solo session that afternoon and it tore me to shreds. My therapist made me realize by purposefully lying to Camila, I was hurting her recovery; I was hurting our recovery. He asked me why I didn't want to tell her about what happened and when I told him I didn't want to hurt her or take all these steps back, he very bluntly told me that that's exactly what I did anyway. The fact that we didn't do a couples session today was proof of that. The fact that she basically kicked me out was proof of that.

I feel like such an idiot. I was only trying to protect her.

We talked for at least another half an hour before he felt comfortable letting me go home. He explained ways to broach the subject with Camila and told me that I needed to stop trying to protect everyone because sometimes it makes things worse. That I need to continue to be open and honest with Camila like we agreed we would be. We talked about how I still have my own healing to do. How I'm clearly having some residual from Camila's situation. As a result I booked a session for everyday day this week. I need to help myself in order to work through all these things I'm feeling. I know that I need help, I just didn't think it was going to take hurting Camila to figure that out.

I meet Brian back at the front of the police station. He asks how things went, but I'm still not quite ready to talk to her yet, and neither is he.

I look at my phone and see that Camila didn't respond to my text. I try and call her and it goes straight to voicemail. My heart instantly sinks. Is she okay? Where is she? Who is she with?

Brian sees the panic on my face and puts a hand on my shoulder. "She's okay man. She's with Tiff. I just got off the phone with her, she said Camila isn't doing very well. I think it's best if you come home with me for a few days." He says. My already sinking heart now drowns like the Titanic as I process his words. All I can do is nod in response as he guides me outside and back to his car.

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Five days.

It took five days for me to be able to go back to the Cabello house. It's the longest I've ever been away from her. During those five days, I tried to contact her, but she kept declining my calls.

I spoke with mama, and Tiffany; they just kept telling me she needed more time. One afternoon I went to my parents house and Sofi was there with Aaliyah. All Sofi had to do was give me one look and I knew I wasn't to bring up Camila in her presence.

I talked to my parents that night about what had happened and they understood why I kept it from her, but they also seemed disappointed that I didn't seem to trust her enough to just tell her what happened.

Therapy the rest of the week was very productive. I feel better about things in general and have started to write all my feelings down in a journal. I've also started to mediate. When I meditate I can't help but picture all the happy times I've shared with Camila so far. The fact that her face can light up a room, her lips can fix my broken heart and her body against mine is all I want for the rest of my life.

I fully realize how much of an idiot I was and the gravity of the situation I'm in. I'm ready to tell her everything and I'm ready for us to move forward. I'm ready to let her in. To let her fight with me to move forward instead against me to try and get me to realize she's not a broken little girl that needs me saving and protecting all the time.

Which brings us to right now. Brian and I are cruising around on shift when my cell phone goes off. I dig it out of one of the pouches on my vest and see Sinu's name on the screen. Trying not to think the worst, I answer the phone.