from first love to worst heartbreak

Chapter 12

My mother. Rita Anderson. She was a very brave woman. She was not only a wife but also a best friend to my dad. She was my best friend as well but unfortunately, I did not get to know her better. My mother passed away when I was 4 years old. A car accident took away my mom's life. An accident took my mother away from me. I was too little by the time she left us. There is only one thing that makes me remember her. The photos. I used to cry every time when I saw them. I used to wish that it was me who got in that accident. I wish I could turn back time and save her or warn her. I remember how I would always hug a photo of her and cry myself to sleep. I would tell my dad to leave me alone in my room. I was sobbing until there were no tears left. As a kid I never understood why she died. I used to question life. Why was she taken away? I always asked while facing up, thinking God could hear me. Sneaking out in the middle of the night has been my favourite activity ever since. I made sure dad was sleeping tight so he wouldn't wake up. I opened my window and jumped fearlessly. I always took a blanket and a snack with me. I would lay down on the blanket and stare at the bright night sky. The stars were shining and I would start to count them whenever I started crying. "I miss you mom, I really do. Can you come back?" I asked while looking up. "No sweetie, mom left. She won't come back. Ever. Im sorry. I never wanted it to be this way. It is not our fault. We can't bring her back. We have to move on." Dad's words would replay in my head while crying. I always felt like there was a deep, black and empty hole inside of me. Why couldn't I spend more time with her? I always looked tired and had massive dark circles under my eyes because of crying. I don't know how she was as a person but deep down I know that she was the best woman, mother, wife, best friend anybody could have. I wish she lived a lot longer. I went through so much scary phases without her. If she was alive, she would help me and always be on my side. She would take me in her arms and comfort me whenever I had a bad day. I would do anything to get her back, even to this day. She was my hero and I was her sidekick. I wish she would be there on my first day of school. I wish I could see her happy tears running down her cheeks. I wish she could see that I graduated school. I wish she could congratulate me and hug me tight till I couldn't breathe. I wish she could see my joy and tears and hear my scream after seeing that I got accepted into the worlds best university. I wish she could scream with me after reading that I got accepted to Oxford and we could pop champagne to celebrate my success. I wish she could wish me a great first day. I would kill to hear her voice again. I would do anything to hear her say I'm proud of you, Bella. I wish she could see how far her only child has come. These are my only wishes. The dreams that will never come true. My dad, John worked hard to give me everything I wanted. He was there for my good and bad days. He celebrated my successes with me. He never replaced mom, he only tried to be an amazing father. I am thankful for everything he did for me. He is a very big part of my life. I will never forget the sacrifices he made for me. I will never be able to repay him. I am forever thankful for having such a wonderful person as my father. He made sure I always shad her in my mind because he never tried t make me forget her. As time passed, my sorrow healed but it will always remain as a part of me. I love you mother.