Over The Seas [Kim Sunwoo The Boyz]

Ch. Thirty [Part 2]

I froze. My heart sank, and confusion began to rise.
I stood still, unable to move from shock.
"I'm sorry." He began.
"I'm sorry for the way I acted that night. It wasn't like me at all and I sincerely regret it. I've already made peace with Sewoon if that helps."
That's the least of my worries right now
He continued.
"And...I'm sorry for not being completely honest with you." He heard him take a few steps closer as the snow crunched under his feet. My back was still facing him.
"When I told you I was jealous of your friendship with Sewoon and how close you were with him, I was partially telling the truth."
Just tell me!
"I didn't realize this until a few weeks ago but, I wasn't jealous because I wanted that kind of friendship- it was actually more than that."
More than a friendship? He can't be serious, can he?
I realized what he was trying to confess to me, and it was the complete opposite of what I had thought.
I turned around and we locked eyes. There was so much emotion in them that I couldn't explain. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak. I wasn't ready for what he was about to say next.
"Riyae...I like you."
The types of feelings I was feeling I couldn't even understand. It was as if all the emotions humans could ever feel were wrapped into one.
As the sun was setting, the sky turned into hues of pink and orange. The suns fading rays hit our faces, bringing more warmth than the one from our hearts.
"When we first met, I felt so drawn to you. For some odd reason I wanted to be really close to you. I'm sure you remember the incident with the crazy fan girls,"
I actually forgot about that...and I didn't need to remember
"And how you fainted. When I carried you to the nurses office, I felt a sense of peace knowing I was the one being able to take care of you. Looking back, that's around the time I started seeing you in a different way."
"And when I was walking you home for the first time and we stopped to talk on the swings- you were so understanding when I told you I wanted to be closer and know you more. You didn't think me weird or anything, and you felt the same. I remember we held hands for the first time that night."
I actually forgot about that too...
Sunwoo took a second to catch his breath before continuing. Hearing all of what we've been through really brings back a lot of emotions.
"I still can't believe I actually thought I only wanted you as a friend- I even called you cute once, but I can't say I knew where that came from at the time.
Then the first time we officially hung out, right here on this field, where I won."
He made a cheeky smile at me. The mood was certainly becoming lighter and happier. The more he spoke, the more he proved his feelings for me were real. This is what it's like for a guy to confess to you?
"That was when we were finally becoming closer friends. But then we had a slight... problem when I hung out with your brother and the other guys at your house. I remember feeling a hurt that I couldn't understand when you said those words. I was hoping to make a plan to hang out together, just the two of us but you didn't seem like you wanted to."
How is he able to remember all of these events?? I couldn't even remember.
"That's also around the time I began to get jealous of Sewoon...but that's all fixed now, just making that clear. When I was working out a plan, I asked for his help and we talked things out."
That's good to hear, it won't be a problem in the future.
"Once you and I made up, things started getting better. We hung out at K's graduation party. That was when I began doing things I couldn't explain why at the time, but it's obvious now."
Right, when he brought me a blanket and let me lay my head on his shoulder...
"I gained more and more confidence around you, which led me to ask for your number so we could hang out more. It honestly devastated me when we couldn't talk much due to The Boyz's promotions for our mini album. I still apologize for that."
"That was also when I started talking about you a lot to the members. That's why when you met them on our game night, they exposed me. They all knew I secretly had feelings for you that's why they constantly teased me and embarrassed me."
This explains so much...
"Then things changed after that night I asked to hang out when I was feeling stressed. If I'm being honest, talking to you in that setting felt...perfect. Just two under the starts talking about my problems, I felt comfortable and I knew you weren't judging me- I felt like I was able to be a normal teenager again. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I can be a lot sometimes and I do talk to my hyungs constantly and our relationship is very strong but it's nice to hear from a different perspective, you know?"
I don't know how much more my heart can handle...this is the feeling of being overwhelmed
He went on.
"But it was after that when you began to ignore me. I didn't know what to do and I felt more hurt than I ever have before, emotionally. I'm still not able to make sense of it, actually. But I never gave up on you. I tried to talk to you about it on our small Christmas hang out/ party thing, but you were always with Sewoon. Then you know what happened after that...I know there's a chance you've probably already moved on but I felt like you needed to know."
The sun was finally down and the sky began to become dark, though it seemed like the temperature didn't change. I'm sure my face was burning red, and I could tell that Sunwoo's face was doing the same. His face turned sad as he finished his side of the story. I wasn't too sure what I wanted to say, but I know that whatever comes out of my mouth, it'll be with feeling. So, I took this opportunity to say my side of things.
"First, I want to apologize for letting my anger get the best of me. I do have a problem with my temper, which I plan on working on, but I still want to say I'm sorry."
Sunwoo's expression didn't change much. I'm sure he's more worried if I still have feelings for him or not.
"I want to let you know that I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at myself for believing I had a chance with you. I've never had a good experience with love so I just assumed you didn't like me in that way. And I didn't mean all of those rude things I said to you, about you being a kpop idol and everything- I honestly don't care about that. I was just trying to find excuses to get over you. I just hope you can forgive me."
"Of course I do." Sunwoo immediately declared. "I know it wasn't your fault and you didn't mean it. I don't want you to beat yourself about it."
I still felt bad about it but I decided to smile and thank him for easily forgiving me.
I continued to let my words flow.
"Since were being open and honest, I felt the same thing when we first met; I also felt drawn to you, though I couldn't fully understand why either. And I faintly remember that time I fainted, but I have to admit I did hear everting you said while you carried me."
His eyes widened a bit, feeling a bit embarrassed, I'm sure...but it was cute.
"I don't remember when I exactly began to have feelings for you, but I know I tried to deny and ignore them. But the I suddenly started considering them and questioning them after you walked me home that day. They only grew more and more. I was so afraid since I'm not my best self when having crushes- I can become obsessive and immature. Like that time you said when we had our first minor setback, I was acting out for attention. Not my proudest moment but you need to know this about me."
Now he had the same face I had when he was explaining everything.
"But I accepted those feelings after the first day we hung out, right here. I didn't try to act on them. I didn't really come here with the thought of meeting someone until at least a year or two. Plus, I believed I had no chance. I kept telling myself that you just wanted to be friends and that was all we were going to be. But all the guys kept on telling me they were suspicious when we started hanging out. They knew you probably liked me but I didn't want to get my hopes up and believe them."
"Kangji was the first to tell me. He actually told me what you did that night at his party. I still couldn't allow myself to think it was true."
Sunwoo hid his face as he got more embarrassed knowing that his secret wasn't a secret anymore. I do wish he had explained that to me a bit more but I get how it could be a bit difficult.
I kept on going.
"And things kept on getting better and better but harder for me to contain my feelings. They became hard to control and my actions started becoming influenced by them."
Right now' a good time to tell him how my self-anger started
"That night you talked to me about your problems, remember how I asked you a weird question, about dating as an idol?"
He thought hard for a bit, then nodded, then his eyes widened bigger than before. I'm sure he realized where I was going with this.
"I wasn't asking for Jihoon, I was asking for myself. And after hearing what you said, I felt hurt and that's when I started feeling anger towards myself since I began thinking I had a chance."
I could tell he had more to say now, but I had to keep on going.
"That's why I was ignoring you and why I didn't talk to you much that night- I was hoping I'd move on. Then my anger got out of control when you acted out towards Sewoon. I used it as an excuse to let my anger out on you. Like I said, it started influencing my actions and that why I just blurted out my confession without much thought. I said whatever was on my mind and whatever I could use as an excuse to help myself forget my feelings for you."
Now I was the one feeling embarrassed.
I sighed before going on. Who knew we both had a lot to share?
"But no matter how hard I tried, I knew I couldn't get over you. I thought going on a vacation and being with my family would have helped, but it only delayed the inevitable. I've neve been the best with losing feelings...but I guess it turned out to be a good thing."
I was 100% confident in my words. I still liked Sunwoo, and now that I knew I was wrong about him all along; I don't have to hide it anymore.

This is what I want. I want to be with him. I can't give up a chance to be happy with someone I deeply cared about in a way I never knew I could. And I know now that he feels the exact same way.

We both stood there in the cold, looking into each other's eyes knowing we both were sure about our feelings for one another. After all this time, years of suffering sadness from constant rejection, I had finally found someone who didn't make me end up in tears.
We couldn't help much smile, knowing what's about to be said next.
"So," He took a pause for effect.
"Would you like to go out with me?"
My answer was pretty obvious, so I smiled and nodded.
The most sweetest smile appeared on Sunwoo's face, and I cannot begin to explain the types of feelings I am experiencing.
Then I suddenly remembered a tiny detail.
"Are you sure you want to?"
"Yes, of course." He insisted. "Why wouldn't I?"
"What about the things you told me when I asked you if you could date?"
"Oh...well that was before I knew I had feelings for you." He let out a light chuckle. "I've had time to think about it and this is what I want."
"What about the companies rules against it?" I was a bit hesitant to ask since maybe he had gotten a bit too much into the moment that he had forgotten.
But his face didn't change at all, he still had a calm and cheerful expression.
"I've already worked that out. My fellow members have agreed that they'd help us keep it a secret from everyone. They're probably our biggest supporters."
That's a huge relief, but it could still be risky.
"What if you get in trouble if they find out?" I was worried that there could be something stopping from this dream to come true, it was all too good to believe.
Sunwoo took a few steps closer to me so he was now standing only a few inches away from me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked straight into my eyes without blinking.
"Riyae, I understand if this isn't something you're okay with. But you don't have much to worry about. We've only debuted a head ago so we're not the most popular group right now, not many people will notice me especially."
I kinda doubt that.
"We still have a lot of freedom, it's not like they're breathing down our necks; It won't be hard to sneak around."
It was nice to hear him sound so sure and knowing this is something he's willing to fight for. If it's possible, I can't give this opportunity up.
"I guess it could be more fun keeping it a secret." Sunwoo smiled his beautiful smile once again. We were both the happiest we could imagine ourselves being. This was all new to us and I knew that nothing but the best could come out of this.