𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎; 𝚓𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚛

𝐱𝐱𝐱𝐢𝐯. 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬

Cora

"I think I love you"

my eyes widen in shock as I hear those three incredibly powerful words. "Jaden, I-" I'm cut off with a quiet snore from the boy in front of me.

he didn't just fall asleep after telling me he-

"Jaden Hossler, you are truly one of a kind," I murmur as my hand finds its way into his curls. Part of me is glad he fell asleep before hearing me respond, because quite frankly, I have no clue what I'd say.

'I love you' is not a phrase to throw around lightly, which is probably why my mind is struggling so hard to understand my feelings. Do I love him? More than that, am I ready to tell him if I love him?

glancing down at the sleeping boy in front of me, I come to the realization that his presence is tampering with my thoughts to the point where I can't focus at all. Gently pushing him off me, I make my way to the balcony. My eyes instantly gravitate to the stars twinkling above me. Opening my mouth, I begin to speak.

"hey, mom? dad?" pausing for a moment, I study the constellations above me. "Mom, I really wish you were here right now. I'm so fucki- sorry, I probably shouldn't... you wouldn't have wanted me to swear," my voice hitches slightly as I reminisce on my few memories with her. "Remember the day before Dad left again? You whooped him on the head with a banana for cursing in front of me? Remember how he picked you up while giving me a piggy back ride, and we just ran around the house together? At the time, I didn't know... I didn't know it was one of the last moments we'd share as a full family."

"I wish you two could meet Jaden. Dad, I wish you had the chance to give him the dad talk. You always said that if any boy ever hurt me, you'd be right behind me with your gun," a breathless laugh escapes my throat as I recall all the memories.

swallowing the lump in my throat, I don't even bother to wipe away the tear trickling down my face. "why did you leave me, Mom? Dad didn't have a choice, but you did. What happened to all the times I would lie awake crying at night, making you promise over and over that you wouldn't leave me?"

"who were you to decide whether or not your life was worth living? Just because you lost so much didn't mean you had nothing to live for, no one to live for. You had me. You always had me." A sob escapes my throat as I press my back up against the wall.

"I said, 'don't leave me'. You said 'I promise'" I whisper, staring up at the stars. "but you left me."

"I used to hate those words. I hated them so damn much. The only weight they carried for the longest time was the weight of lies. But you know what changed my view on them? ... jaden. He seemed so helpless Mom, you should've seen him. Over and over again, he would repeat those same three words, 'don't leave me', 'don't leave me', 'don't leave me'."

"do I love him?" I ask the shining globes of light above me. As they twinkle back at me, all my memories with Jaden come rushing back.

the day we played chicken in the water, and he had held me after. he was upset because I'd called Nick's abs 'husband material', and asked me if his abs were also husband material. I'd laughed and said that the only six pack I saw was a six pack of hot dog buns, I chuckle slightly at the memory, cherishing the mental image of his pouting face before it floated away.