Your Place Or Mine? BOOK VERSION (PUBLISHED BY VIVA PSICOM)

Chapter 64: After All

RUSSELL'S POV

Nahihirapan na ako. I can no longer pretend that I hate her. Lalo na pag nakikita ko siya araw-araw. It's hard for me to ignore her.

Simula nang dumating siya, hindi na ako nakatulog nang maayos. Everytime I close my eyes, her face hunts me. She's even lovelier. She looked matured and more confident. More sofisticated. More daring. Iba na ang kilos niya. Siguro dahil sa nature ng work niya. Kahit nasa bahay siya, she's all poise and grace.

And she ignores me. As if I don't exist.

I woke up each dawn to check both of them. I missed her so much. The moment I saw her when they arrived, gusto ko siyang yakapin nang mahigpit. Pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Alam kong hindi na dapat. Wala na akong karapatang gawin 'yon. May sarili na siyang buhay. At alam kong masaya na siya.

Masaya na akong pagmasdan ang maamo niyang mukha habang tulog siya. That's all I can do.

I miss to feel the warmth of her body. It's been so long and I long for her. I want to feel her softness. I want to touch her. Her small waist. Her full breasts. What's in between her thigh. Everything. Wala siyang kamalay-malay sa pwede kong gawin sa kanya habang tulog siya. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. One time I kissed her slighty parted lips. How I missed it. I was tempted to kiss her more. Kaya lang baka magising siya. I watched her sleep for hours.

I decided to have a quick shower. I just went to the smoking area at ayokong amoy usok ako pag lalapit ako sa anak. At baka maamoy ako ni Haley. She doesn't know that I smoke. Besides, I'm sure wala na rin siyang pakialam kung ano man ang guso kong gawin.

I only smoke occasionally, especially when I'm stressed. Malapit na ang Pasko. Malapit na rin ang birthday ni Reese. I'm excited, at the same time nag-aalala. I only have few days left para makasama silang dalawa. I'm sure, after New Year, babalik na sila sa Spain. At hindi papayag si Haley na mag-extend sila. At lalong hindi siya papayag na maiwan si Reese. I don't know what to do.

I threatened her with legal matter.Yes, because I had to. I wanted not just Reese to stay. I want her to stay as well. Alam kong papanigan ng korte si Haley, kasi two years old pa lang si Reese. But at least we can have arrangement about my legal rights to my daughter. Maybe she can stay with me for a couple of days each month. At alam kong hindi iiwan ni Haley si Reese, and that's part of the plan. I'll do anything to have them both stay.

Hindi ako papasok ng ilang araw. I want to spend the rest of the week with Reese. And with Haley. I looked at my room. This has been empty for three years. Nasanay na rin akong mag-isa. I kept myself busy.

Napatingin ako sa pinto. I heard something from my office. Nagmadali akong nagbihis. I opened the door. Nakatalikod siya. She's checking the photo albums on the side table. She gave a quick scan on each albums. Nagtagal siya sa isang album.

The pink one.

The door clicked nung isinara ko. Humarap siya nang marinig ang tunog sa pinto. I saw tears in her eyes. Gusto ko siyang yakapin pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.

"What are you doing here?" I tried to sound as cold as the first time I spoke to her.

"Russell –" she whispered my name.

God, how I missed it. She's trying to hold back her sob. Pero hindi na niya ito napigilan. She wanted to say something, pero hindi siya makapagsalita.

"I'm sorry." And her tears keep falling. "I'm sorry sa lahat-lahat. Sorry, dahil hindi ako nakinig sa'yo. Sorry sa mga nasayang na panahon na sana nakasama mo ang anak mo. Sorry at naging makasarili ako. Sorry kasi... kasalanan ko. I'm sorry kasi –"