Your Place Or Mine? BOOK VERSION (PUBLISHED BY VIVA PSICOM)

Chapter 57: Only You

HALEY'S POV

Mabilis na dumaan ang halos dalawang buwan mula nang umalis ako sa bahay nila Russell. Those time when I was lost and I didn't know where to go. Mabuti na lang naisip ko ang paupahang apartment ng parents ni Irish. Russell can't find me there, unlike if I stay in hotels. Kung hahanapin lang naman niya ako. Pero sa tingin ko, masyado siyang busy sa babae niya para mag-aaksaya ng panahon na hanapin ako.

Well, if I even thought of having a revenge, I can go to someone and he can never find me. Kina Seth. Kaya lang, ayokong sanayin ang sarili ko sa presence niya...sa pag-aasikaso niya. Sa pagbibigay niya sa akin ng time at atensiyon. And I don't want him to think that when things get rough, I run to him.

"Are you sure hindi ka sasama?" malungkot na tanong ni Jess.

It's Seth's farewell party for their Europe tour. They're leaving next week. Nalulungkot si Seth nang malaman niya ang nangyari sa amin ni Russell. He only found out recently kasi nagpalit ako ng number. Russell kept on bugging my phone every single day. Ang tanging nakakaalam ng new number ko ay si Mommy, si Jess, si Irish, at si Hans.

Nakaalis na sila Jess pero naiwan akong mag-isa sa loob ng classroom, nakatulala. Nang matauhan ako, napagpasyahan kong umuwi.

Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, nagsasawa na ako sa ganitong routine. Nag-aalala naman si Irish. Minsan dinadalaw niya ako sa apatment, o kaya dinadalhan ako ng ulam. And sometimes, I find it weird, kasi kakatok siya ng dis-oras ng gabi para i-check kung nasa apartment ako. One time, umulan at nakatulog ako sa terrace, then she was frantically knocking. Pero mabuti na lang, kasi baka naligo ako sa ulan kung hindi ako nagising. But why do I have this feeling that she's watching over me? Napangiti ako. She's a close friend next to Jess. Nakakataba ng puso, knowing that someone genuinely cares for me.

I stared at my bed. It's always been empty. Parang kulang. Humiga ako. Ayokong pahirapan ang sarili ko para isipin ang kulang na ito. Naisip ko ang sinabi ni Russell. That I didn't have to leave. We can still share the same roof, like nothing happened. H'wag ko na lang daw siyang pansinin o kausapin kung galit pa ako. As long as we stay together.

Kung kaya niya ang ganong set-up, ako hindi.

Lumayo ako para sa sarili ko. Kasi hindi ako makapag-isip kapag nasa paligid lang siya. Hindi ko siya matiis. Like what happened in Spain. Sabi ko, hindi ako bibigay. I melted to his arms just like that. Kinain ko rin ang mga sinabi ko. So, it's better this way.

Before I met Russell, I'm used to living alone. When I turned 18, I moved out from my parents house. Pero iba pala kapag nasanay ka nang may kasama. Napakalungkot na ang mag-isa. Nakakabaliw. I remembered those steamy nights that we shared. Ito ang mga pagkakataong gustung-gusto kong umuwi sa kanya. Pero pinigilan ko ang nararamdaman ko.

At hanggang kailan ko kakalabanin ang sarili ko?

***

The following day...

"Haley!" tawag ni Jess.

Nakatingin siya sa labas ng classroom. And I was surprised to see Russell standing outside. Nagtama ang mata namin at umiwas ako ng tingin. He must be waiting for me.

"Mauna na ako," bulong ni Jess. "Magbati na kayo. Tingnan niyo nga mga hitsura niyo. Mukha kayong miserable pareho." Umirap ito at lumabas na.

Lumabas agad ako at nilapitan ko si Russell. He looks tired and he's giving me this begging look and I can't stand it. That look, it has this unsettling effect on me the more I ignore it. It's killing me. But I chose to ignore it.

But I can't seem to ignore the tension in my body when I saw him. He's making it so hard for me to breathe. And I'm trying my best to stay calm but my eyes are fixed on his soft lips which are now partly open. Before I ran out of air fantasizing those lips conquer every inch of me, my eyes shifted to his stubbles and tousled hair. Mukhang nakalimutan niyang magpagupit at mag-shave.