distance🖤 - mattia polibio

"what if i leave and he wakes up?"

TIME SKIP - 2 DAYS- mattia is still in a coma , there hasn't been much progress. the group's been working together to look after mattia's parents and they've helped you out by visiting the apartment and feeding lynx while you refused to leave mattia's side.

i was curled up in my chair watching over mattia , his hand in mine. 

"y/n" ale opened the door and him , nai , jem and kai walked in and sat on the other chairs.

"listen , we know how hard this is , but you haven't slept in 3 nights and it's not healthy for you to stay here 24/7. we're worried about you and we want you to know that we're here. i think maybe you should go home for an hour or two , see lynx , shower and freshen up a bit" jem said. 

she was right. i hadn't slept. i couldn't. everytime i closed my eyes i thought back to our argument. but i couldn't leave him. 

"i'm fine. thank you guys but i need to stay"

"just for an hour y/n , please"

"what if i leave and he wakes up?" i said , "please can you guys just check on lynx for me. i'm fine here" 

"fine but we're bringing you your clothes so you can at least shower here" nai said and i nodded and they left. 

after they went , mattia's parents came and visited for a while and then they left too. 

"we're back" jem said as they came in and this time the rest of the group was here too. 

"here's some clothes" ale said passing me a bag and i thanked him.

as we all sat in the room , it made me realise something. this was the first time in months that i was with them all. 

"i'm sorry you guys" i said and they all looked up at me. 

"for what? you haven't done anything"

"i know we haven't seen each other much. i missed the football match and the dinner, i'm sorry i just got too wrapped up in my job" i said and they all came around and hugged me. 

"it's not your fault y/n , you're a hard worker" 

we hugged for a few minutes and it was almost 11pm so they started to leave.  

no one else knew what had happened between me and mattia before he left and it was bugging me. i felt like i was the reason he was here and it was killing me. i just didn't know how to tell anyone. 

i thought everyone had left until i felt a hand on my shoulder and i looked up and saw jem. 

"talk to me" she said and i started crying into her chest.

"i feel like it's my fault jem" i cried and she looked at me.

"it's not your fault at all. it was that stupid drunk drivers fault , no one else"

"but he wouldn't have left if it wasn't for me being stupid"

"what do you mean?"

"we were arguing because i kept being called into work and he asked me if the job meant more to me than he did and i don't know why i didn't answer him and tell him that it didn't. but i just looked at him and he left and then later on you called me and it's all i can think about" i sobbed and she hugged me tighter.

"y/n i know in your head that sounds like it's your fault but i promise it isn't. people fight all the time and usually we're lucky enough to come home and find them there to make up. this time just wasn't lucky. he knows it's not your fault baby and i know it would break his heart that you were crying and not sleeping because you blamed yourself for something that was not in your control at all." she said and i looked at her with more tears coming down my face and she wiped them off. 

"i love you" i sniffed.

"i love you too" she smiled and passed me and tissue. 

after comforting me for a bit longer the nurse came in and told her she had to go because visiting time's were over so she hugged me one last time and left. 

i sat beside mattia and helped the nurse change his bandage again. blood was being absorbed so quickly into the bandage and it scared me because that meant he wasn't progressing. they still couldn't tell how long we'd be here. 

it started getting cold later on in the night and i was still wearing the tshirt and jeans from 3 days ago. i couldn't be bothered to change. i was about to reach into the bag they gave me earlier to put on a jumper or something but then my eye caught the chair in the corner of the room with mattia's clothes on there. i saw his navy UCLA hoodie folded on the chair and i picked it up and hugged it against my chest. it still smelt like his cologne. this was my favourite hoodie of his , it was the one he wore when we first met. i pulled it on and crossed my legs as i sat back on the chair next to him and took his hand. 

"mattia please come back , i don't know how much longer i can wait. you can't leave yet baby there's still so much we haven't done, we haven't travelled the whole world together yet , we haven't tried that new coffee shop in town , we haven't had a sleepover on the cliff yet , you haven't beaten my high score in subway surfers yet," i said with a small laugh as i cried , "we haven't swam with dolphins yet , we haven't gotten married yet , we haven't had our children yet-" i was crying a lot now.

just as i said the last sentence i felt him grip onto my hand.

what mattia was hearing/seeing in his coma at that moment- 

"i can't do ittt"

"you gotta actually go near the ball baby" y/n giggled.

"daddy can you help me?" 

back to what was happening in the room-

"oh my god" i said quickly getting up and ringing the bell and within seconds and nurse and doctor ran into the room.

A/N- hellooo guyss

hehe i hope you liked the chapter its a bit short bc im going to my grandmas soon.

i dont think they'll be another chapter today so ig its a lil cliffhanger 🙈

also just wanted to say i love u guys and i hope you all have a good day / night😽