Like Cotton Candy

Chapter 23: Facing the facts

Cotton Candy. Every inch of his bed smells like her. Changkyun's heart is in flames, feels so heavy like someone replaced with a rock. He hates himself more than ever in his entire life.

Tears filling his eyes and he scoffs, warns himself to man up. That there's no reason to cry. She's just a girl. A random girl that fell in love with him like many girls before. She will get over him, eventually. She will go on. She will forget about him. She's strong, she'll manage it.

But will he?

Will he ever get over the first girl he ever loved? Will the pain stop? And the feeling of knowing that it was his fault alone?

The urge to go to her, see her, explain that he's wrong is so big. But the fear of destroying her with his broken self is bigger. He will and she will get over it... it was so easy to fall in love with her ... it'll be so easy to fall out of...
Before he could end that thought, he falls asleep.

Changkyun sleeps. Long. The rest of this Saturday, the entire night, and the Sunday. He was so happy just seconds ago. How could this happen?

When his phone chimes, he opens his glued eyes slowly. His head shoots up as he sees Nalya's name on the display. He unlocks it.

I uploaded the essay on your behalf on the server. We're even.

Kyun totally forgot about this stupid essay. He stares at the message.

Even.

This is what she calls what they feel for one another.

Even.

He keeps on staring at the bright display, his thumbs hover over the keyboard, want to write something... but what?
And then, all at once, his fingers start to tap.

I love you. I've always loved you. I was just too blind. You mean the world to me. I need you in my life. I'm so sorry, I —

Screw this! The second he comes back to his senses he deletes the text and puts the phone back down. Before he could even think about something, he lays his arm around the pillow Nalya slept on, takes a deep breath of her scent, and falls back to sleep.

He has to forget about her. Maggs was right. He has to give her space to fall in love with someone who really appreciates her amazing self and inner beauty without needing months to realize it. She deserves better than that...

A silent knock on his door lets his head shoot up. For a split second, he wishes nothing more than seeing her face. But instead, it's Mark's. 

"Hey...", he says softly. "D-Do you wanna come down to eat?"

Immediately Kyun shakes his head and turns around in his bed, hears Mark leaving the room again.

Hours pass by and he loses every feeling of measurable time. Could be still Sunday.. could be Monday. Or Tuesday... Changkyun plans to skip every single class this week. He doesn't wanna go out, doesn't wanna get confronted with his feelings, with people ... with her.

Again someone knocks on his door.

Kihyun walks in with a compassionate face and a tray in his hand. Carefully he puts it next to Kyun on his bed and looks down on him.

"You need to eat, bro. You haven't eaten in three days..."

Three days... so it's Monday. It's not true that he didn't eat. He just mostly went into the kitchen deep at night, getting a snack. His body isn't able to cope with more.

Kyun looks up to his friend and shakes his head again. "I don't wanna eat... I just ... just leave me alone..."

Kihyun looks at him for a long moment until he nods and turns around. Changkyun stares at the plate. He really is hungry but he lost his appetite.