** January 16, 2029 **
I've been traveling for the last five months. I went back to therapy, and do it via FaceTime once a week.. I still talk to Harry, a lot. And if he calls me, he'll sometimes give the phone to Grace and I'll ask her how school is going and whatnot..
I'm currently in New York. I've been here for about three weeks. Occasionally I'll have someone come up to me and ask me about Harry. But that doesn't happen too frequently...
**
"You can't just ignore all my questions. They aren't that hard to answer. You and Harry are obviously broken up. You haven't been seen with him in over five months." The guy stated. I was out for a run this morning, and was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a cropped black hoodie. "Dude, I'm not going to answer your fucking questions. You have no sense of privacy, and your questions are extremely personal." I replied, getting annoyed.
He'd cut in front of me five minutes ago during my run, and had been asking me about Harry and I's sex life, and how many people I've slept with. And asking me about Harry's exes, along with my own...
"Why can't you just tell me if you two are broken up?" He asked, getting impatient. "Why do you care?" I questioned. "Are you pregnant again? Is that why you've been hiding out in the US?" He asked. I sent him an annoyed look. I crossed my arms over my chest. "You're joking, right?" I asked. "Again, you're avoiding all my questions." He commented. "Plus, that's why you're wearing a sweatshirt like that. To hide the belly." He said. I sent him a look. "It's January." I replied. "Plus, this sweatshirt is cropped. How would that possibly hide anything?" I questioned, annoyed. He didn't say anything.
"I'm going to go back to my run. I recommend you never talk to me again." I stated, trying to step around him. He grabbed my arm and I instinctively twisted it out of his grasp and gripped his wrist, turning it and holding it behind his back.
"Fuck. What the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouted. "Ok, fine. Just let go of me!" He exclaimed, his face twisting in pain. I let go of him, glaring at him and walking off..
I turned a corner and ran directly into someone. "Oh god, I'm so sorry." She said, stumbling over her feet. "It's fine." I replied. She looked at me. "Sorry. I-um.. You're Brynn." She commented. I raised my eyebrows, not sure how so many people were recognizing me today.. "Yeah." I said.
"I'm a huge fan. I-um.. I saw you talking to that reporter guy.." She commented. I nodded, running a hand through my hair, which I'd taken out of its ponytail while talking to that guy..
"He seemed like he was being really annoying. Are you ok? I saw him grab you." She said, surprising me a little. "Yeah, I'm fine.. He was just asking really personal, invasive questions." I replied. "How'd you do that thing? Like, after he grabbed you?" She asked. I laughed a little. "I used to take self defense classes." I answered...
I talked to her for another few minutes, and then kept walking. I pulled my hood up, hoping no one else would try and talk to me....
***
•• January 23, 2029 ••
***
After that day, I left and went to Indonesia. Specifically, Bali. I've spent the last week and a half renting out an airbnb here. It's absolutely gorgeous, and it's definitely not as cold as it was in New York.
I'm currently sitting out at the pool, since there's little else to do while hiding from people..
"Brynn." I jumped, not expecting anyone to be here. I looked over my shoulder, my legs still in the water. "What're you doing here?" I asked. "You said you'd be back, and.. You aren't." He stated, rolling up the sleeves of his sweatshirt. I shrugged, looking back over at the water.
I heard him sigh, and after a minute, he walked over, sitting down next to me, dipping his feet into the water. He'd taken off his shoes and his sweatshirt, since he definitely didn't need to be wearing one in this weather.. "Can you look at me?" He asked. I sighed, and looked over at him, meeting his gaze. "What happened to your arm?" He questioned, and I glanced down at it. When the reporter in New York had grabbed me, he'd held on a little too tight and left bruises..
"Just this nosy reporter guy in New York." I commented. He nodded. "And.. Your emotions? Where are we with that?" He asked, and I sighed, shoving a hand through my hair. "I tried. I'm still doing therapy for it, but it's different this time. It's harder to just.. Find a way to feel things, you know?" I replied. "So were you ever planning on coming back? Or did you just tell me that to make me feel better?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Of course I was coming back.. I just.. I don't know.. I don't know how to do this anymore. I don't know why that month with Ryan made it this bad." I commented. "But, listen. I really don't want to talk about all that." I said, moving forward on the pavement and lowering myself into the pool. "We have to talk about it." He stated.
I dunked my head under water, getting my hair wet and then pulling myself to the surface. He was still just sitting there, watching me.. "Feel free to join me, but only if you aren't going to make me talk about my feelings and shit." I commented, going over to the other side of the pool...
After a few minutes, he looked down at what he was wearing, which was now just a pair of gym shorts. He sighed, taking his phone out of his pocket and setting it down away from the pool. He slowly got into the water and came over to where I was. "So if we can't talk about that, what can we talk about?" He asked, stopping in front of me. I shrugged, and stood up off the wall, moving closer to him. He held my gaze for a few seconds.
"You really aren't going to let me ask you about it?" He asked. "No." I replied, and he sighed. "Ok, well.. Do you still feel a certain way about me?" He questioned, dancing around the words. "That could be considered asking me to talk about my feelings." I replied, looking up at him. "Brynn. I'm being serious, ok? I didn't come out here just for you to play games with me or whatever you're doing." He stated, and I sighed.
"How did you find me anyway?" I asked. "Jeff's new security guy." He replied. "Right.." I trailed off, turning back and going across the pool, sitting down on one of the higher steps. He followed me. "Can you just talk to me, Brynn? There's obviously a reason you won't come back to London.. You have to think about Grace too. Not just me, and not just yourself. Our daughter needs you." He commented, and I sighed, shoving my hands through my wet hair..
"You want me to talk to you?" I asked, and he nodded. "Ok. Sure. I'm fucking terrified, Harry. I can't just magically turn my emotions back on. Andrew once said I have a brain similar to a psychopath's. Meaning, I shouldn't have ever been able to feel the things I'd felt with you. I shouldn't have been able to feel guilt, or shame. And yet every single day that you thought I was dead, I felt guilty. I was ashamed of what I'd done. I have no idea how I did it, or how to get it back.. So, there you go. Is that what you came here to hear?" I explained, looking up at him.
He sat down next to me on the step, his arm loosely coming around my waist. I leaned into him, letting him hold me. "I don't think Andrew knew what he was talking about.. Because, you're right.. Scientifically speaking, you couldn't possibly have felt those emotions. So, you don't have the brain of a psychopath, Brynn. And you are capable of them. I think your fear is getting in the way. You're scared of letting yourself feel again for some reason. Why?" He asked, his tone gentle. I sighed.
"I don't know..."
