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•• August 18, 2028 ••
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It's been nearly a month, and things have pretty much gone back to normal. Well, Harry started insisting on going on my runs with me every morning. Which obviously attracts way too much attention, and interrupts our workout.
We just got back, and I showered. Grace is back in school, which makes the house a lot quieter..
"Are you making coffee?" Harry asked, walking into the kitchen with just a pair of shorts on. I held up the kettle. "No." I stated, and he walked over, standing behind me, his arms slowly coming around my waist. I was wearing a cropped hoodie with a pair of shorts.
I sighed, finishing the process of making my tea. "You know what we haven't done in a while?" He asked, and I laughed, knowing what he was talking about immediately. "No. What?" I questioned jokingly. "Come on, Brynn. Grace is at school. My mum's picking her up, and she's staying with her for the whole weekend." He commented.
"Uh huh." I replied, and he grabbed the mug out of my hands and placed it down on the counter, turning me around to face him. "Ok, rude. I was drinking that." I stated, and he looked down at me. "You know I'm not just going to pretend like everything is fine with you, right?" He asked. "Everything is fine, Harry. I don't know what more you want me to say." I commented, and he sighed. "I want you to tell me what happened when you were with Ryan." He replied. I groaned.
"That was two months ago, Harry. It doesn't even matter anymore." I said, trying to move away from him. He gently pushed me against the counter, placing his hands on either side of me so I was trapped there..
I shoved one of my hands through my hair, looking up at him. "Fine. You really want to know?" I asked, and he nodded. "He beat me. Every day. He starved me probably 75% of the time I was there. He forced me to stay awake all day and all night, nearly every single day. I almost died. The only time I got to sleep, was when he was having sex with his girlfriend, or when he left to go get food. And when he got back, he'd wake me back up by kicking me until I blacked out.. There. Are you happy now? Does knowing all this really make you happier?" I asked.
He was watching me, searching my eyes. "You shut off your emotions again." He murmured. I sighed, shoving a hand through my hair again. "Can I leave now? Or do you still want to have sex?" I asked. "Brynn. Don't do that. Don't try and divert the subject.. How long ago did you do that? And why? Why would you do that again?" He questioned, firmly planting his hands on my waist when I tried to get away from him again.
"I don't know, Harry. Ok? I guess when I was with Ryan, I just seriously couldn't handle any more pain, so I shut them off." I replied. "Why wouldn't you turn them back on when you came back here with me?" He asked, and I sighed. "It's not that simple, Harry.. Even if I could, why would I? So that I can remember everything that happened to me and feel it all over again? No thanks." I commented. "No. Because you've been distant with me. And you seemed happy before all this happened. I want that for you again." He said.
"And for you. You want me to turn my emotions back on so that I'll have sex with you." I stated. He scoffed. "Brynn. Are you joking? This isn't about me, ok? Yes, having sex with you is fucking amazing and I obviously think about it all the time. But I want you to be able to turn your emotions back on and not be scared of the consequences. I'm here for you, and you know that. Yes, at first it might be really bad and you'll want to turn them back off and shut them out. But eventually, with time, it'll get better and you can be happy again. I honestly don't know how that works exactly, because it's not natural to be able to switch it on and off.. You're supposed to feel things, Brynn. It's just how it is." He replied.
"Harry.. You don't know what you're asking me to do... When I left, and faked my death, it took me years to let my emotions back in, and learn how to properly feel things and react to my surroundings in a more healthy manner. It isn't just this switch you can flip on and off. Shutting them out is easy, because that's how I've been my whole life; without emotions and empathy. But letting them back in... Harry, I honestly just.. I don't think I can." I explained.
He was looking at me, listening to everything I was saying.. "So, you shut them out, knowing you might not be able to get your emotions back, ever?" He questioned. I sighed, not meeting his gaze. "Can we just, not talk about this? I hate talking about this." I stated. "Brynn, we need to. It's not—" I stood on my toes, pressing my lips against his to get him to shut up. One of his hands came up, and he gently placed it on my cheek. After a few seconds, he pulled back. "You can't just do that and expect me to forget what we're talking about." He said, searching my eyes.
I shrugged, turning and grabbing my mug. Since he'd let go of me, I walked out of the kitchen. He didn't hesitate to follow me. "Brynn—" I turned around. "Please just stop, Harry. I hate that you could even see that I'd shut them off. I can't do this." I commented, putting my mug on the coffee table and going up the stairs.. He ran after me, following me into his room. "So, what? You're just leaving? Brynn, you can't." He commented, grabbing my arm before I could go towards the closet to grab my bag. I turned around, slowly facing him.
"You aren't leaving me again. Showing your emotions isn't a weakness. Being vulnerable does not mean you're weak. It's what makes you human. Which, as far as I can tell, you are that." He stated. I shook my head. "I need time, Harry. It isn't just some magic switch I can flip back on whenever I want." I replied, pulling my arm out of his grasp and walking towards the closet to pack a bag. "You can't just leave. You're being too impulsive, Brynn. Just, take the time you need, while staying here. With me." He commented, and I rolled my eyes.
"I tell you I need time, and you think that means continuing doing what I'm doing right now.. Harry. I can't change, if I just keep doing what I'm doing. I need to take some time away from you and Grace, and just, figure some shit out. And then I'll come back." I said, grabbing a bag. "Brynn.. Please. Just... Don't." He stated, taking the bag from me.
"You're the one that wants me to let my emotions back in. You're the one that want me to get better, not me. You. So that's what I'm trying to do. But you keep trying to stop me. Just make up your damn mind." I commented. "Brynn.. This is just moving too fast. We literally just got back from a run; everything was normal. Then we had this conversation and you're trying to leave me. Again." He stated.
I groaned, taking the bag from him and starting to put some stuff in it. "Do you want me to get my emotions back or not?" I asked, and he searched my eyes for a few seconds. "Of course I do... But, I meant get them back while staying with me. Here." He replied. "Again, that's not how it works. I told you I'd be back. What more do you need?" I questioned. "You to actually come back." He stated.
I quickly finished putting clothes into my bag and grabbed my car keys off the bedside table, walking past him and back down the stairs. "Brynn. Please, just wait. Please." He begged, and I turned around in front of the door. He stopped in front of me, and I sighed, searching my brain for the right thing to do in this situation. What would a normal person do? I have no idea..
"Don't, Brynn. Please. How am I going to explain this to Grace?" He asked. "Tell her I'm on vacation or something. Or working. I don't care." I stated. "You do care. Somewhere in there, you care." He commented, and I ran a hand through my hair. "Not right now I don't." I replied, mentally preparing myself to do this next part..
I sighed, stepping towards him and gently wrapping my arms around his waist. He didn't hesitate to put his arms around me, tightly holding me against him. "You can't leave me." He murmured, turning his head in towards my neck. I sighed, pulling back and looking up at him. I slowly stood on my toes, pressing my lips against his and then taking a step back.
"I'll be back this time.. I promise."
