Tainted Vision | Levi x Reader

Secrets | Part 13

"L-Levi...What d-did I just do?" I whispered out as I was shaking in his hold. His eyes were enlarged and I could see the pure shock and disturbed look that settled in his eyes as he tried to find the rights words. 

"You we're trying to choke that already dead soldier." He replied in stoic voice, despite his shocked facial expression. A shaky breath escaped my mouth as I turned back around towards the female soldier's body. I could see the gashes and bruises around her neck that must've came from my hands. My arms dropped down towards my side and I felt my throat close up as my voice quivered as I tried to come up with any excuse to cover up what I had just done.

"I-Wha-no...s-sorry..." Snippets of words and phrases left my mouth as my mind went blank and my brain was stuttering. I couldn't even face Levi after I saw that look in his face...horrid, terror, surprise. What did he think of me when he saw me do that?

"Explain, I know this isn't the first time that it's happened." Levi's voice was calmer than before and I swung back around to meet him and slightly pushed myself off from him.

He knew? How? When?

"How-no. When did you find out?" My voice grew quieter as the feeling of  insecurity settled into my chest at the thought of Levi knowing about my mental instability. Would he see me differently? What would happen if he found out that someone or something was trapped inside my body and wouldn't leave...maybe he would think that I wasn't the Y/N he knew, or worse, maybe think I'm crazy and am possessed by something. Levi was the only person I had left that knew pretty much everything about me, and I didn't want to lose that. So why couldn't I just tell him the truth...why did I lie to him.

"I noticed it the day Erwin brought all of us up here. You were acting different, but before I could ask you what was wrong, I heard you gasp and everyone ended up looking at you. Tch, then you came up with a dumbass excuse like always." Levi's said as his eyes darted around the area, he was most likely looking out for oncoming titans, but even without his piercing gaze, I could hear the clear worrying in his voice. So...he had a hunch this entire time.

I let out a sigh and Levi then averted his full attention back to me. I guess it's time for me to confess isn't it? I lowered my head as I didn't have the strength to look Levi in the eyes at the moment, but I knew even without that, he would always listen.

"I...There's something inside of me. I don't know what it is, but every now and then...it just appears." I gulped, my hands balling into fists as I slightly pursed my lips, "and in the past...it never really got violent--just snarky remarks about--I don't know--just..." I waited a bit before hearing a hum come from Levi's throat and I let out another sigh before I finally lifted my head up to meet Levi's eyes. They softened as they locked onto mine and I grew a bit more comfortable with finally all spilling my worries. 

"I don't know whether it's just me or if it's something else, but they keep coming back into my mind and taking me away from reality. In their realm, I'm useless against their strength...It's been a while since I've had and episode and this was the first time the pain that came from them actually lingered. I'm scared...scared of what's going to happen. She's not going to kill me which means she needs either me or my body for something their planning later. L-Levi, I'm scared, what happens if she ends up hurting you or someone else. No one will be able to tell! I don't want anything to happen to anyone-"

"Oi."

I was cut off by Levi's voice and my eyes finally locked back onto his as my rant caused my eyes to dance around the corners of my vision. My rant had gone on longer than needed and I ended up spouting out more information than I wanted. I let out a breath of relief and it calmed my nerves down a bit, but my lids flew open and I winced as felt Levi flick my forehead.