Lost In You

Chapter 37:

Gabby's POV: 37
"Why do you keep defending him?! You said this was about closure" I yelled back at Reagan. It's been two weeks since we had the conversation and today was the day we were supposed to go see Robert. She woke up this morning and said she didn't think It was a good idea for me to go.
"It is Gabby! There's nothing more to it, I just don't think you should see him after everything he did to you." she said walking past me into the kitchen
"Oh but it's okay for you to see him after all the shit he did to you?"
"Yes because I was married to the man for 5 fucking years Gabriella you don't get it."
"I don't. What if he gets in your head? What if he tried to manipulate you?" I asked, trying to calm down.
"I'm grown Gabby. I don't see what the big deal is. I told you you can go next time."
"Next time? What is today not gonna be enough for you to get closure? What else is there to it? Are you planning on seeing him again??"
"That's not what I mean."
"So what did you mean? Because you just said next time like it's something you already planned on doing. I don't trust him and I don't like the idea of you alone with him. He could hurt you and our baby."
"Right he's gonna attack me in front of all the guards. Gabby please just relax. He's not that stupid."
"I bet you never thought he was stupid enough to kidnap me either."
"This isn't about you Gabriella, this is between me and him.  I just need you to understand that."
"Why the change? Before it was fine and today you're acting like it's nothing."
"He's not going to steal me away from you Gabby. I know you don't trust him but I need you to trust me. Can you do that for me?" she asked and I stared at her.
"I do trust you. This isn't about that. I'm going with you and that's final."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am Reagan.
"You're acting like a child." she huffed past me and went to grab her purse.
"Are you serious right now? Why can't you see how wrong what you're doing is?" I asked quietly.
"I'm done doin this back and forth with you. You're still having nightmares because of him Gabby. I don't want him to trigger you. I'll be fine and so will the baby."
"Stop treating me like I'm a fucking kid. I'm driving." I grabbed both keys and headed outside. I got in the car and Kenna got in the backseat as Reagan rolled her eyes and sat in the passenger seat. The tension in the car was so heavy that I had to roll the windows down to get some air.

"This is a three hour ride, are you guys really going to just not say anything?" Kenna asked from the back.
"There's nothing left to say, it's not like she's gonna listen anyways." Reagan said looking out the window.
"I'm right here you know." I said annoyingly.
"Oh are you? It's almost like you weren't supposed to be here." she said staring at me.

"Stop being so petty." I told her as Kenna started laughing.
"I will when you learn how to listen." she replied.
"Anybody want my opinion?" Kenna said from the back raising her hand. "Ya'll are both petty." we didn't answer. Another 20 minutes past and Reagan looked like she was lost in thoughts. I kept my eyes focused on the road but the whole time I was bothered. Why didn't she want me to go? She refuses to tell me what was going on in her mind no matter how many times I asked.

"Are you going to tell him about the baby?" Reagan asked her from the back. I kept my eyes on the road and I felt her look at me before answering.
"No. he doesn't need to know. The last thing I need is for him to try and get parental visits." no one said anything until Kenna spoke again.
"Before he got crazy, he really was a good father." I clenched the wheels and tried not to say anything.
"He was. You remember how he was with Malakai." Reagan said smiling and I felt rage overtake my senses. I zoned out and tried to think of anything other than her smile when she thought of how he was with their first child. It's like she forgot all the horrible things he's done. She smiled like she was reminiscing of  how good they had it and as much as I tried to understand it, it was pissing me off. I felt her hand on my thigh. I looked at her and she had a sad and worried look on her face.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean..." she started but I moved her hand off me.
"Don't worry about it." I said and never looked at her again for the rest of the drive. I could tell she and Kenna were texting each other and I felt her looking at me from time to time.

When I refused to look at her I would hear her sigh and looked out the window or back on her phone. We pulled up in front of the prison and we all got out. The whole process took 30 minutes to wait  in line and show our ID before getting the visitor's passes. We walked into a big room with other prisoner's already talking to other visitors. We all sat at a table while we waited. My legs started shaking under the table and I felt Reagan looking at me. She tried to touch my legs and I moved it away.

Kenna was watching the whole thing but never said anything until Robert pulled the chair and sat in front of us.
"I was expecting only you." he said looking at Reagan. Kenna gave hima fake smile.
"It's nice to see you too." she said sarcastically.
"Thank you for coming." he said looking at her. She didn't answer.
"I wanted to apologize Reagan. We were good. You remember when we first met?" I felt my other leg shaking under the table but they were so busy staring at each other they didn't notice it. I felt like I wanted to throw up. The more I looked at him the more I started remembering my days in his dog cage.
"Please say something." he said and she did.
"Why am I here Robert?"
"I'm sorry. For everything I put you through. I wanted to be good for you. After Malakai died I lost myself too Reagan. I was so angry all the time because I couldn't understand it. And I hated myself for blaming you for his death." what? She didn't tell me that. How cruel can he possibly be.
"I hated myself so much for everything I was doing to you and then slowly I started noticing you falling out of love with me. I watched your love turn into resentment and it broke my heart. I wanted to change, but I couldn't control it. I've been talking to the counselor's here and I'm realizing that I was just scared. But you were to and we should've been scared together. I love you Reagan with all my heart. I'm still in love with you. After everything I've done I know you probably don't believe me but despite everything I've done, I'm still very much in love with you." I caught Kenna looking at me from time to time trying to see how I was handling the situation but I didn't say anything. She said she needed closure. I wanted her to get it.
"Please say something." he begged her.
"There's nothing to say Robert. I loved you. I did everything for you. When we lost Malakai all I wanted was for us to sit down like this and talk. I wanted us to communicate but you were never there. Things got so bad that I hate you now. I can't stand to look at you." her voice was so strong I felt proud until she saw the tear rolling down his face. She instantly reached over and grabbed his hand and I rolled my eyes.

Kenna was just as shocked because she was sitting there not knowing what to do.  He held her hand and cried some more.
"I'm so sorry Reagan. I'm so sorry I hurt you." what a fucking liar
"It's okay." the moment the words left her mouth I felt a rush of pain in my heart. She was right. I should've stayed home. Kenna started laughing.
"I can't forgive you Robert. But thank you for apologizing."
"I know we're divorced and I wish you nothing but happiness. I wish we had a second chance you know, one where Malakai was alive or we had another baby. One where I could make things right. It's as if she wasn't thinking. She looked at him and rubbed her belly. He looked at her confusingly.
"I wish you had my baby. I could make things right this time."
"Yeah me too." was the last thing I heard before I kicked back my chair and walked out.

I'm fucking done. I'm not going to be some fucking rebound. After everything he did to me how could she sit there and be so friendly with him? I signed out and went outside. Suddenly my body started shaking and craving something to release all the pain I was feeling. I looked up and saw Kenna getting in the passenger seat. She pulled me to her and held me as I cried into her chest. "You missed the best part." she said and I sat up and shrugged.
"It doesn't matter." I replied. Reagan then got in the car and Kenna went to the back.
"Gabby please look at me." she begged over and over again and I could hear her crying but I turned up the radio and drove home in silent. As soon as we got home, she got out of the car and Kenna walked her to the door. I took the time to pull out the driveway and left completely ignoring her calls to me.