My Thirty-one Days

Prologue

I already warned you about the story content. Read at your own risk. This chapter might trigger.

Enjoy Reading!

TW: Suicide

Falling

Akiro's POV

I still see some lights coming from the sun before it sets. Malabo ang mundo ko at tanging itim at puti lamang ang nasa paligid ko. I'm not colorblind but my life is.

Huling tingin ko sa oras kanina mga alas-tres na ng pasado. Maybe I still wait a bit, wait for it to rain.

Gusto kong umulan na ngayon. For the last time, I want it to rain, if it's raining I feel like I'm not alone. Baka may dumamay rin sa akin pero kailangan ko ba nun? Baka kasi hindi lang ako ang nakakaramdam ng ganitong bigat. Parang nakikisabay ang langit sa pighati ko – sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na lungkot at sakit ngayon na nagpapahirap sa akin. Matagal-tagal na rin at hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ako nakaramdam ng saya.

I just want this to end. At kung magpapatuloy pa 'to, lalo lang lala ang sitwasyon. I already started to feel nothing and I couldn't see any reason for me to continue.

I hate my life.

I hate myself.

This is how it ends.

I'm going to set myself free from everything... from everyone.

I can see the world up here. I can feel the wind touch my skin; it can pass through my clothes and make me shiver for a while. Even in a second, the wind doesn't stop blowing and it spontaneously blows like it's never tired.

No. It's never because it doesn't have feelings like us. That is how it functions. It is just doing its job to give us air... for us to suck in air and live. But it suffocates me. It makes it even more difficult to breathe.

Hindi na 'yon sapat para buhayin ako. Everytime na humihinga ako ay mas lalo akong nahihirapang harapin ang bukas.

Ano bang silbi ko dito? Ang magdusa ba?

I looked up again at the sky. It was beautiful yet frustrates me. Mukhang hindi na ata uulan. But it's hard to deny that it's indeed beautiful and peaceful. Before, every time I looked to behold the beauty of the sky, it always gave me calmness and peace of mind. However, up to this moment, I feel nothing... just empty.

Normal bang makaramdam ng ganito? Normal bang wala kang maramdaman na kahit ano?

May makakapagsabi ba kung anong kahulugan ng salitang buhay? Anong pakiramdam ng mabuhay?

I frustratingly sigh. Unti-unting lumiliwanag ang kalangitan na tila nagbubukas ito para sa akin. Its welcoming me. Funny, right?

Totoo nga ata 'yong sinasabi nila na gigising ka na lang isang araw na biglang iba na ang nararamdaman mo. Mukhang ganoon nga ang nangyari sa'kin. Paggising ko nawala lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

I just want to disappear. That's what I wanted now.

Namanhid na ako. Naubusan na ako ng pag-asa.

No one can ever understand me; no one. I thought they could or even at least try to understand me but they didn't. Now, I'm going to do what I want. Is it really what I wanted?

I smiled like I am losing my sanity. I am definitely sure that they didn't even understand why I do this even just a bit. How lucky of me. Wala namang nagtatanong ngayong buhay pa ako paano pa kaya kung wala na ako.