The Truth Untold
06th September
Nothing's new.
It was a normal day in my life. The same face of people passing by and the same place where I live. But sometimes I didn't see those people because I isolated myself in my room. Ano ba kasing gagawin ko sa labas 'di ba? Nakikisalamuha naman ako sa mga tao pero most of the time, I got drained just socializing with them. I'm not sad yet I'm not happy. But that would be okay, I guess for this moment.
Ang complicated ng buhay lalo pa kung hindi mo alam kung anong gagawin mo sa buhay mo. I asked Kate yesterday what makes her life a life and she said, "Kapag nahanap ko na 'yong magpapasaya sa akin. Whether it's a thing or a person doesn't matter as long as I am happy. Ganun naman ang buhay ng tao 'di ba? Walang sigurado, lahat unexpected."
Napatango na lang ako kay Kate. Isa ata iyon sa may sense niyang sagot kapag tinatanong ko siya ng seryoso.
But what does it mean for me? What does life mean if you're just breathing and feel nothing inside? Magbabago pa iyon kapag hinayaan ko lang ang buhay ko na ganito? It's just me, myself, and I. Hindi naman ako naghahanap ng thrill sa buhay ko pero hindi ko lang alam kung anong kulang sa akin.
Kapag napapatingin ako sa paligid, wala naman akong makitang sagot kung anong gusto ko.
Nothing has changed in this place except for the fact that people grow old and some of them leave this place - some people come here to start a new life. No matter what the reason would be, this place was still the same for me.
And here in school, where I described as my second home and the people here, I cherished them as my family. This is the place I feel alive, where I didn't feel that I was alone, somehow.
Tulad ng lagi kong ginagawa, malamang papanoorin ko lang kung anong nangyayari sa paligid ko. Observing my surroundings is my favorite pastime, especially when I was wondering what life means to others.
Is the world trying to slow you? Or does it make you want to run away from it? Tatalikuran mo o haharapin mo ang binibigay sa 'yo ng mundo? Hindi lang naman kasi laging masaya 'di ba?
I realized that life is the most difficult course, no one can master it. Some people just learn how to deal with it but there are people out there that are tired dealing with life.
Am I tired or confused?
Wala pa akong sagot at matagal na akong nakatulala pero wala pa rin akong mahanap na maaaring magpalinaw sa naiisip ko. Mamaya mag-u-update ako sa'yo pagkauwi ko galing school.
Iyon ang huling beses na nagsulat ako sa diary ko bago ako pumunta sa school. I usually write on my diary kapag nakauwi na ako galing school pero feel ko kasing magsulat kaya kahit hindi pa tapos ang araw ko, nagsulat na ako. Pagkatapos nang araw na 'yon, kahit isang salita sa diary ko hindi ko na nalagyan pa. Hindi ko na gustong maalala pa ang mga nangyari sa buong mag-araw ko at hinayaan ko na lang na hindi masagot ang tanong ko. Malinaw pa sa akin kung anong nangyari nung araw na 'yon. Hindi ko kailanman ito makakalimutan. Tunay na tumatak sa isip ko at kahit sa panaginip ko, alam ko ang bawat detalye.
"Sa'n ka naman pupunta?"
Mabilis akong sumakay sa bike ko bago hinarap si Kate. Labis na kalituhan ang makikita sa mata niya pero wala na akong oras pa para magpaliwanag. Lunch break namin ngayon kaya makakalabas ako ng school pero kapag naabutan ako ng bell, hindi na ako pwede pang makalabas kahit ano pa ang paliwanag ko.
Inayos ko ang palda ko, may cycling short naman akong suot kaya hindi ako gaanong nailang na baka mabosohan ako.
"D'yan lang," mabilis kong sabi at penedal na ang bisikleta ko.
BINABASA MO ANG
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