I didn't mean to break you (clexa au)

t w e n t y t h r e e

Lexa lay in bed, still as could be, various wires and monitors hooked up to her moitionless body. Anya sat beside her, holding her hand tightly. Her sister had been in a coma for a month now, no sign of waking up, but she couldn't bring herself to pull the plug, she wouldn't. Lincoln had popped in to check up on her, but he was the only one and it made Anya's heart melt to see that Lexa had shut everyone out after the incident. Though Anya hated her and blamed her for her sister's condition, Clarke had been at the hospital everyday. Anya refused to let Clarke in to see her, and so the broken hearted blonde beauty stayed in the waiting room. She slept there, she ate there, her mum, Raven and Octavia bringing her spare clothes and food. For all the pain she put Lexa through, this proved she did care.

"We've got to do some tests, could you wait outside?" One of the doctors asked Anya, sympathy for the girl evident in his eyes. Anya nodded and gulped as she placed a kiss on her sisters head and went outside to the waiting room. She noticed Clarke in the corner of the waiting room, bright red, crying. Her left hand was wrapped in a bandage and her head hung low. Subconsciously Anya walked over to the girl and sat next to her in silence. A few minutes went by before she spoke, "Why are you still here Clarke? And what did you do to your hand?" Clarke's crying stopped a little as she glanced to the side to look at Anya. "Because I love her. I didn't want to hurt her. And I broke it, punching a wall." Anya shook her head, "then why did you break her?" She mumbled as her voice cracked. Clarke let out a small sniffle, "I thought she kissed the girl, and that gave me the excuse to let her go, because she deserves better than me, I'm broken, she can do so much more, I don't deserve her. She's too perfect Anya, and she deserves someone that can give her better than I can." Her voice spoke shakily and sounded raw. Anya sighed, "I know your insecure Clarke, but you can't tell her how to live her life. You were the first one to show her real love, even before I did, I wasn't here when our parents died, and I only came back once after it happened, I'm a crap sister. She loved you. No screw that, she still loves you Clarke. You tore through her insecurities, to her you are perfect." The guilty blonde didn't speak, she sat, shaking as she thought about her brunette lover. "I'm sorry." Is all she could muster out as her eyes met with Anya's. The older girl nodded, "you can go see her after the tests, while I go home and shower, if you want." Clarke began to get more nervous, she hadn't seen the girl in a month, and was absolutely terrified to see her so, well so broken. As she stood up, Anya unexpectedly pulled her into a hug, "when she's awake you better make it up to her." Clarke nodded as they pulled apart, "I promise."

Clarke's hands were sweaty, her heart beating out of her chest as she reached for the door handle to Lexa's room. Slowly she opened the door and stood there for a minute as she caught her first sight of the girl. She wore a white hospital gown, her long brown hair lay in ringlets, framing her perfectly chizled jawline. Clarke hesitantly stepped in the room, closing the door softly behind her. Taking in a deep breath she began to walk to Lexa's side. She stared at the girl a little before sitting, praying that she may awake soon. The scars on her arms and face from the injury were nearly faded. The blonde tried to hold the tears back but couldn't stop them from dripping down her devastated face. Slowly she sat on the chair that was next to Lexa's bed, taking her hand in hers. She rubbed small circles around her hand with her thumb as she hummed the tune to the song Lexa played when they first met. Once she'd finished she began to talk. "Words can't express how sorry I am Lex. I thought that if I told you that I didn't love you that you'd believe me an move on, move on to someone better than me. But all I did was hurt you, and that's what I wanted to save you from. I love you Lex. I love you so much, please come back to me." The blonde sobbed, nestling her head into the brunettes arm.

After a few minutes Clarke felt something change. The grip she held on Lexa's hand slipped to test her theory. Quickly Lexa's hand tightened around her fingers. "Doctor! She's moving!" Clarke yelled through tears as she stood up to run to the door. "Clarke?" Lexa's raspy voice echoed throughout the room. The blonde turned quickly to face the girl, hurt written over her face. "Lexa, thank god your okay." Lexa's green eyes closed once again. "Clarke, just go. I don't need your pity, we're done remember? So just go." She said firmly as she tried to sit up. "Lex-" Clarke tried to speak but she was cut off, "Don't come back." The brunette whispered taking one last look at the blonde, both girls eyes brimmed with pain and heartbreak. "Miss I'm going to have to ask you to leave, she seems like she's in distress." The doctor said standing in front of Clarke, blocking her view of Lexa as she was ushered out of the room frantically as nurses and doctors ran in.