EPILOGUE FIRST! THEN COME BACK! I KNOW DOUBLE UPDATES GETS A LITTLE MESSY SOMETIMES!
Warning: I'm going to get real upfront and personal 🤧
Hello lovelies, rather uncharacteristically of me, I decided to write an author's note as a nice little wrap up of our TAOS journey. This is probably the first time I'm sharing so much about myself so do bear with me🤪In a way, I'm writing this for myself too while I reflect on the long emotional journey that is TAOS. So here I go.
Confession #1: I have no idea how and when I started calling all of you "lovelies" but it just kind of grew on me so guess that's what I'm calling all of you indefinitely haha. It's fitting since all of you are truly lovely people and this is only based on my interactions with you through the comments, my message board, DMs and Twitter! I can only imagine how much lovelier everyone is in real life🥰
Confession #2: Your comments have really been very helpful in me developing TAOS. I admit, my initial storyboard for TAOS is vastly different from how it ended up and I think there's a beauty to that. Based on your comments (which were really inspiring), I was actively tweaking my plot along the way and filling up all the gaps I missed! Chapters like the masquerade and that whole stabbing incident honestly didn't exist until halfway through the book. As I said before, I never knew plot twists were my thing until I actually started having fun with it in TAOS. Although if you ask me now whether this will be my pattern for my future stories, probably not. I've used up my arsenal of plot twists and I need to watch more dramas to get inspired again😰As a whole, I just want to thank all of you for your comments and feedback. As much as the plot was initially mine, getting inspired by your comments means that TAOS is actually a collective effort of everyone!
Confession #3: TAOS brewed in my brain for a year before I decided to give it a go. Why? Because I knew that if I venture into it, I will actually have to write some smut scenes. It was just really necessary for me to show their growth as well as love for each other. Those are really really very daunting to me and I didn't want it to come off as cringe and ruin the story either. This is yet another area that I challenged and I'm just grateful that so far, all the feedback I received are positive🙏🏻
Confession #4: I almost gave up on writing. I've been writing for 7 years now. My first Wattpad story was published when I was 13 but I lost steam and never finished it in the end. (You can't find it, I deleted it lol). It's only in the recent years that I picked up writing again from my Singer Series to delving into the world of fanfics. I feel like growing up I had a lot of stories in my head and that's why I picked up writing to get those ideas out. I was that kid that would spend class time daydreaming about a non-existent character in my head and everything was so vivid to me it almost seemed real. For the last 7 years, I've honestly struggled a lot in terms of finding my own writing style which is why I do tend to experiment a lot in the way I write. There's really no consistency across all my books which is terrible to some extent but I'm learning haha. When I first started on Wattpad, it was honestly to satisfy that insatiable desire in me to create a world of my own as well as to improve on my writing skills. Believe it or not, I used to struggle a lot with grammar and vocabulary. My English teachers were always so frustrated with me😬Subsequently, writing became a way for me to vent and also for me to calm my fangirl side. Like for the case of binjin, I wouldn't say I wanted to move on from them but I did want to tame my fangirl side by channelling it into something productive. BUT, it's only when I began this binjin fic journey that I found a new purpose in writing. My goal now is to spread love and positivity as well as awareness on issues that I feel should be discussed more! It's never easy to talk about issues such as mental health etc much less write about them but somehow, it drove me to write more. So I would say TAOS has played a great part too in me rediscovering my relationship with writing.
Confession #5: I almost deleted TAOS and all my other stories. Okay before you scream at me, let me explain! Burn-outs are very common when writing and at times writer's block can get frustrating. Spending days stuck in a box can get really depressing sometimes and it's like a dog trying to chase its own tail in most cases. I admit, there was a point I really didn't have the drive to carry on with writing anymore and I slipped into self-doubt for awhile. Don't get me wrong, I generally am a pretty optimistic person but there are also times I have my insecurities. Seeing so many talented authors with their stories (I mean their way with words is so awe-inspiring it's mind-blowing!), I asked myself if this is really what I should be doing? Should I be more of a writer or should I just go back to reading? Personally, TAOS was a little test for myself. I wanted to see if I can call myself a writer after I finish TAOS. If you ask me this question now, I can honestly tell you I am not at the level where I can proudly call myself a writer yet but I am confident I can get there someday. ( yes I know soul sis has been trying to psyche me but...still love you loads lil sis ) Anyway, this leads me to my next confession.
Confession #6: What is TAOS to me? I have honestly grown very attached to TAOS for a myriad of reasons. TAOS not only challenged my writing skills but my imagination as well and I actually enjoyed the process so much it re-ignited my love for writing! Also, for all those who have been following me for quite some time now, you'll realise I am a lot more vocal compared to the past. Vocal as in I started posting things like author's notes, engaging all of you with teasers on my message board and Twitter and full-on interacting with some of you on a more personal level. Big confession! I really didn't believe in stuff like that in the past. Author's note? Who reads them anyway right? But goodness you lovelies proved me wrong on that one big time. I began enjoying this process of engaging you readers a lot more and while it took me leaping out of my comfort zone to do that, it is definitely worth the initial discomfort. You have no idea how encouraging your comments are and I've received so much love from all of you that it is honestly the only reason I held on. That and the fact that a lot of you encouraged me to keep writing and it really pushed me to continue TAOS! I didn't want to leave you lovelies hanging by deleting my stories! In all honesty, I really didn't think a story I write can do so well either so imagine my shock when TAOS hit that 10K mark and then the 30K, 40K mark. I was absolutely stunned. I was never after that "recognition" I suppose. I was writing more for myself and people reading them was more like a bonus to me more than anything but writing this now, I really am thankful I got to meet all of you through my stories! So really, thank you all for your love and support and I hope you will all continue to walk this journey with me as well as your other authors! You might not feel it but as much as we touch you with our words on a daily basis, your words touch us too! It's never a one-way thing when it comes to this and I'm so glad I got to discover the joy of engagement. 🥰🥰🥰 To the silent ones/occasionally vocal ones, you might not be as vocal in terms of commenting (I get that, I used to be a silent reader too), but your support for TAOS hasn't gone unnoticed by me either! Just having you silently supporting TAOS was honestly heartwarming enough already! As much as I would love to get to know as many of my lovelies on a more personal level, I respect your need for silence and I'm okay with that. Regardless, I just really want to thank each and every one of you🤗🤗🤗 Overall, I really think I grew a lot in my craft through TAOS and I'm really happy I embarked on this journey!
End of confession. So what's next after TAOS? Typically after a story ends, I do mass edit my stories across the board so don't be too surprised if you decide to come back and read them one day and discover a new part or a "missing part". That aside, I'll most definitely continue to explore the realm of writing and hopefully come back with an even better story! I'm thinking of challenging myself to go into something more artistic or descriptive this time. Contrary to popular belief, words don't really flow out of me that easily and I often take some time to string a bunch of words together into a sentence. I'm thinking with a story that's more descriptive, creating beautiful phrases will be a new challenge on its own huhuhu. Wish me luck on that one🙏🙏🙏 Fingers crossed.
With that said, with mixed emotions, I can now close the chapter of TAOS in my life for good. It has been an amazing journey with all of you and I've grown in leaps and bounds in my writing. Thank you for sparing your time to read my confessions and I'm praying for everyone's happiness and safety🥰💛Hope to continue to interact with everyone while I take my downtime and catch up on some fics of my own! Till next time!🤗
Cheers!
Claire
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