You wandered through your little apartment in Brighton and hummed to yourself as you put your new books in your shelf. Slowly you took two steps back and smiled slightly, looking at your colourful art collection. Since you were little, colours and painting got your attention instantly. Since then, you were obsessed with art.
You grabbed one of your oldest books and sat down on the couch, skipping through your favourite pages and sipping on your coffee. You finished off your studies a few weeks before and took some time off for yourself, before you took the next big step and started searching for a job.
You were to into your thoughts that you barely noticed your phone going off. Only when the alarm got louder, you snapped back to reality and grabbed it, smiling slightly as you saw his name appearing. You swiped to the right and smiled at the camera, giving it a little wave. "Hello" you said and leaned your head against your head. "Good evening darling" Charles smiled bright at you and you watched him as he sat down on his couch. "You are getting better with the accent every time" you chuckled and Charles put the phone right in his face, grinning at you. "Thank you. I'm trying my best. How are you?" he asked and leaned back, looking extra cosy in his big white hoodie. "I'm okay. Haven't been doing much. How are you?" you asked back and played with the corner of the blanket. "I'm tired. That was a long flight. I'm happy when we are off" he yawned and pushed his hair back. "Will you be coming here for the break?" he asked and you sighed. "I probably can't. I hope I'll find a job soon. I can't leave whenever I want then" you sighed and bit your lip slightly. "Yeah. I know" he sighed as well and looked at you. The silence made you feel weird. "Yeah. I don't know. We'll have to see what time brings I guess" you told him and he nodded slightly. "I just miss you" he said quietly and you closed your eyes. "Don't make it harder than it already is please" you whispered and he nodded again. "I'm sorry" he told you and you nodded as well, not knowing what else to say.
"You never want to talk about this" he said after another minute and you closed your eyes. "Yeah because it is nothing I want to think about" you told him and he huffed slightly. "You don't want to talk about us?" he asked and you bit your lip. "This is not what I meant. I just don't want to be even sadder than I already am" you said firmly and he looked at you. "Don't you think that I am sad as well?" he asked again and you looked out of your window. "I hate to see you leave every time and to leave you". You kept your eyes closed and felt how they started watering. "Can we please stop?" you asked with a shaky voice and he let out a breath. "I don't want to but I don't think this will get somewhere" he said and you took a deep breath. "Yeah. We there isn't anything right now".
A few more minutes with small talk and silence passed before you decided to end the call. You put your phone next to you and closed your eyes again, laying down on the small space.
Dating a racing driver was one task but living in a different country across the ocean made it even harder. You fell for each other during your six months of studying abroad in Monaco, barely being a day away from the other. Emotions took over as you said goodbye on your last day but you decided on trying it. Trying to stay away from each other for quite some time and somehow you managed. Charles flew over on his free weekends when he had time. You made it back to Monaco a few more times as well, enjoying every second of each other's company. But your heart felt heavier every time. Every goodbye got harder and every weekend alone gave you a heartache. You felt too attached to him and you knew it. After almost a year of knowing him and being half of it on the other side of the ocean, you were scared of what to come.
You glared at your phone and pressed the screen, looking at your wallpaper. The first "couple" one you ever did on a boat in Monaco. Slowly you swiped across and opened Charles last message. "I didn't meant to upset you, I'm sorry" he wrote and you closed your eyes, whipping the tears from your eyes.
***
